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AIBU?

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AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

462 replies

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:18

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Squirrel60 · 18/09/2026 15:17

One question: Why exactly are you still with, and living with, that gobby, angry, self-obsessed moron?

Dump him immediately. He's an arsehole.

ACynicalDad · 18/09/2026 14:46

This is not a healthy relationship. Leave if you can; prepare to leave if you cannot.

AnonAnonmystery · 18/09/2026 14:19

you have been in my thoughts @gimmeshelta . Are you ok and safe?

nozbottheblue · 18/09/2026 13:26

How are you today OP?
Hope you are working out what you want and getting help to do it.

Doubledenim305 · 10/09/2026 23:13

Piknik · 10/09/2026 13:46

This is a fantastic thing - I've just read details of the full offer and it seems (for once) to be a genuinely practical and supportive solution with no strings or risk of exposure. Good for TSB

Wonder if the tsb person who started this has been a victim? Sort of thing you don't think about or appreciate until it has happened to you.

Cornishclio · 10/09/2026 22:31

This man is abusive and controlling. Please make a plan to leave him.

Iamnotalemming · 10/09/2026 22:18

None of this is normal. I'm sorry. I hope you can find the strength to leave. I think your life would be much much better separated from him.

Tablesandchairs23 · 10/09/2026 14:14

Your husband sounds controlling and abusive

Piknik · 10/09/2026 13:46

AnonAnonmystery · 09/09/2026 16:09

if you are scared about leaving because if money, TSB have a fund for women fleeing domestic abuse and here is the link below. Please check in later as worried for you ( if you can)

www.tsb.co.uk/help-and-support/supporting-you-domestic-or-financial-abuse.html

This is a fantastic thing - I've just read details of the full offer and it seems (for once) to be a genuinely practical and supportive solution with no strings or risk of exposure. Good for TSB

Comtesse · 10/09/2026 11:36

AnonAnonmystery · 09/09/2026 16:09

if you are scared about leaving because if money, TSB have a fund for women fleeing domestic abuse and here is the link below. Please check in later as worried for you ( if you can)

www.tsb.co.uk/help-and-support/supporting-you-domestic-or-financial-abuse.html

This is brilliant! Thank you for flagging….

Cherrytree86 · 10/09/2026 08:44

WindsorGreatPark · 10/09/2026 07:33

Maybe read the thread. Closing (yes, it is not even locking) the door, is the tip of the iceberg. The man is an abusive control freak. Please do not minimise.

@user1497787065

locking the bathroom door is a completely normal and acceptable thing to do when married.

supersop60 · 10/09/2026 07:36

user1497787065 · 10/09/2026 06:07

His reaction to locking the door sounds over the top but I can honestly say that it would never cross my or my DHs mind to lock the bathroom door when in the bath, shower or using the loo and I’m surprised at the outrage about this. On another recent thread a poster complained about a boyfriend pooing whilst she was in the bath. That is out of order but locking the door or do you just mean closing the door?

Please RTWT

WindsorGreatPark · 10/09/2026 07:33

user1497787065 · 10/09/2026 06:07

His reaction to locking the door sounds over the top but I can honestly say that it would never cross my or my DHs mind to lock the bathroom door when in the bath, shower or using the loo and I’m surprised at the outrage about this. On another recent thread a poster complained about a boyfriend pooing whilst she was in the bath. That is out of order but locking the door or do you just mean closing the door?

Maybe read the thread. Closing (yes, it is not even locking) the door, is the tip of the iceberg. The man is an abusive control freak. Please do not minimise.

shhhh2025 · 10/09/2026 07:19

user1497787065 · 10/09/2026 06:07

His reaction to locking the door sounds over the top but I can honestly say that it would never cross my or my DHs mind to lock the bathroom door when in the bath, shower or using the loo and I’m surprised at the outrage about this. On another recent thread a poster complained about a boyfriend pooing whilst she was in the bath. That is out of order but locking the door or do you just mean closing the door?

And this is your take from the whole post ? How ignorant.

jeaux90 · 10/09/2026 07:04

Op please tell someone in real life you can trust. You really need to leave this abusive, gaslighting asshole. I guarantee your mental health will improve.

user1497787065 · 10/09/2026 06:07

His reaction to locking the door sounds over the top but I can honestly say that it would never cross my or my DHs mind to lock the bathroom door when in the bath, shower or using the loo and I’m surprised at the outrage about this. On another recent thread a poster complained about a boyfriend pooing whilst she was in the bath. That is out of order but locking the door or do you just mean closing the door?

OneSparklyGoat · 10/09/2026 05:52

How long has he been behaving so aggressively with you?

Were you surprised he failed the credit check?

You said he is draining your savings. Could he be abusing drugs?

WindsorGreatPark · 09/09/2026 23:34

Do you have children? I cannot see that you have said. Do you have family you can turn to? Anyone in real life who could help you - even a work colleague? If one of my team said any of what you have said here, I would move heaven and earth to help them escape.

Does he have access to your phone at all? Could he have any tracking apps on it, or know you are using MN? Please prioritise getting a cheap PAYG phone that he does not know about, leave yours at work while you go and buy it.

Please call your local women's aid and get support to get away.

Beaniebobbins · 09/09/2026 23:10

gimmeshelta · 09/09/2026 20:12

I do have access to my own money, but he’s drained a lot of my savings

Contact your bank to see what they can do help you protect the rest of your money. Not sure if you have a mortgage or any other joint financial products with him contact any providers of these to make sure he can’t make any changes to these without your permission. You need to leave him OP, it will be one of the hardest things you do but you can do it.

Pessismistic · 09/09/2026 21:47

gimmeshelta · 09/09/2026 20:12

I do have access to my own money, but he’s drained a lot of my savings

Hi op stop him accessing your savings get yourself away from him he’s abusing you. Your mental health will get better if you set yourself free from him. If you had a walking stick due to a disability and he kicked it from you so you lost your support would you accept this? Because he is doing this to you mentally. Every time you get stronger he makes you feel weaker so you need him.

Thesafetygeneral · 09/09/2026 21:35

It’s no wonder your MH is in the state it is when you’re living with that.
you need to leave or ask him to leave. I’m genuinely worried for your safety

Ohnobackagain · 09/09/2026 21:25

Please @gimmeshelta use the info @OneSparklyGoat has put above. Move your savings/secure your half or take the rest if he has take more than he should. Please look after yourself.

GreatPinkViper · 09/09/2026 21:24

We are all so worried for you op. Please leave this situation as soon as you can.

daisyydaisyy · 09/09/2026 20:35

OP how are you doing? You really need to leave the house and go a stay with someone. This is unacceptable and you don’t have to live like this. Flowers