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Original poster

Should we still be paying for adult DSS?

133 replies

toottootbeepbeeep · 05/09/2026 12:02

DSS is nearly 19, he got accepted into a great uni on a great course that was his decision. He hasn’t settled. Spent his first year pausing units, dropping courses and basically doing nothing productive. He’s now not sure if uni is for him. DH and I still contribute towards his costs at home whilst he is living with his mum. He currently doesn’t work and his mum works part time. DH and I both work FT.
AIBU to think this should stop now?
I’d like the extra 1k to go towards our future not supporting their lifestyle.

OP posts:
BlumeUndTisch · 05/09/2026 12:24

Of course you don't pay that kind of money for a 19 yo just to do nothing. End of that game.

BitterTits · 05/09/2026 12:22

If you mean £1k a month, that's ridiculous if he isn't working at all.

LoyalMintOtter · 05/09/2026 12:19

Well if he has paused units (didn't know that was a thing), dropped courses (again is this a thing) then he hasn't passed year one. Did he take exams over the summer? Has he been offered to resit year 1 or is he home with his Mum.

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 05/09/2026 12:14

Time he got a job.

Shinyandnew1 · 05/09/2026 12:11

My DC is at university and I give them £300 a month, the rest is paid for by the (minimum) student loan. Why £1000?

Can DH give money directly to the son?

BudgetBuster · 05/09/2026 12:06

Well what does he plan to do? He's still.quote young and obviously tried uni and it wasn't for him. It sounds like this is a recent change so I'd be more focused on your DH trying to help him find his way in life for the next few months (obviously not indefinitely but a reasonable timeframe before pulling the plug on financials).

£1k seems to be an awful lot of money though.

FionnulaTheCooler · 05/09/2026 12:05

I'd continue to support him as long as he's in education. If he drops out then it's time for him to get a job and support himself.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 05/09/2026 12:04

Has he actually dropped out of university? If so then YANBU. If he's still attending but messing around you should still support him but his dad needs a serious conversation with him about his future.