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Original poster

To feel i didn't do anything wrong??

249 replies

Ihateknowingthis · 04/09/2026 23:09

I have a very good friend or so i thought, for over 30 years.
Recently we arranged a little break together, i booked and paid for an experience for us to do and she booked and paid for accommodation, (slightly unwillingly).
Then I suggested something else I'd like to do, but she was vehement that wasn't going to happen, I was upset and annoyed at her attitude but thought ok, I'll do that another time.
She paid me her half of the experience.
I asked to meet up to discuss our disagreement and moving forward.
She ignored me, and stopped texting me, so I left it a week and tried again thinking I'll be the bigger person.
Another refusal to meet up and it was now getting really close to our break.
So i texted, I assume you've cancelled the accommodation and she didn't answer me.
At that point I decided I wasn't going anyway, so I canceled the experience.

Her next text told me that she hadn't cancelled the accommodation and was going to use it for herself and husband!!
She also wanted me to uncancel the experience so she could do that too.

I am stunned at her actions and a little bamboozled as to what's actually caused her to act this way.

Can anyone see what I might have done to upset her?? She also suggested we meet up in a couple of weeks time!!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 05/09/2026 16:46

@Ihateknowingthis

I was thinking that we should meet up to discuss out relationship, not the fact that she said no to the second activity. I thought if we met up and decided not to go she could cancel the accommodation straight away. If we had met up and sorted our issues I would have paid straight away, I always pay my half.

This is something that should have been sorted with a quick text, not some sort of 'UN Peace Conference' meeting. It should have been a simple text; "Mary, you don't seem to be as keen anymore on our outing. If you feel you want to cancel, just let me know. It won't be a problem". The whole 'talk about our relationship' was way over the top.

But instead of a simple 'yes or no' text, you wanted some 'talk it out' meeting 'about your relationship' that she (probably rightly) interpreted as a 'let me talk bully you into what I want' session. You could have had the 'relationship' talk later if she cancelled.

sweetpickle2 · 05/09/2026 16:30

You don’t “always pay your half”- you didn’t pay your half here. If you met up and decided to cancel the trip then that makes no difference to whether or not you should have paid your half from the off- in the event it got cancelled you’d be refunded.

You were making paying her back conditional so no wonder she’s pissed off at you.

Hoardasurass · 05/09/2026 15:21

@Ihateknowingthis have you refunded her half of the activity that she paid you for and you've cancelled yet?

marbIehalls · 05/09/2026 15:09

Katalica · 05/09/2026 14:24

You know what I genuinely find really bizarre?

The number of posters on here who refuse to engage in actual face to face conversation with a supposed friend, viewing it negatively as some sort of inquisition (!!) and who prefer to hide behind their phone screens and text instead.

In OP’s shoes, I’d want to cancel because who wants to go on holiday with someone glued to their phone 24/7 constantly checking for texts and replying to them when they’re meant to be enjoying each others company and relaxing.

When I’m out with DH or friends, I tend to leave my phone on silent in my bag. In fact, I Ieave my phone with the red silent button all the time.

Edited

Why on earth does the friend need to have a long intense talk with the OP simply because she doesnt want to go and see Barry from Eastenders in his one man show?

And why does she have to go through all of this just to get her damn money back?

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2026 15:05

Katalica · 05/09/2026 14:24

You know what I genuinely find really bizarre?

The number of posters on here who refuse to engage in actual face to face conversation with a supposed friend, viewing it negatively as some sort of inquisition (!!) and who prefer to hide behind their phone screens and text instead.

In OP’s shoes, I’d want to cancel because who wants to go on holiday with someone glued to their phone 24/7 constantly checking for texts and replying to them when they’re meant to be enjoying each others company and relaxing.

When I’m out with DH or friends, I tend to leave my phone on silent in my bag. In fact, I Ieave my phone with the red silent button all the time.

Edited

This is all true but not really the point. The point is OP owes the friend money.

Pherian · 05/09/2026 14:56

Ihateknowingthis · 04/09/2026 23:09

I have a very good friend or so i thought, for over 30 years.
Recently we arranged a little break together, i booked and paid for an experience for us to do and she booked and paid for accommodation, (slightly unwillingly).
Then I suggested something else I'd like to do, but she was vehement that wasn't going to happen, I was upset and annoyed at her attitude but thought ok, I'll do that another time.
She paid me her half of the experience.
I asked to meet up to discuss our disagreement and moving forward.
She ignored me, and stopped texting me, so I left it a week and tried again thinking I'll be the bigger person.
Another refusal to meet up and it was now getting really close to our break.
So i texted, I assume you've cancelled the accommodation and she didn't answer me.
At that point I decided I wasn't going anyway, so I canceled the experience.

Her next text told me that she hadn't cancelled the accommodation and was going to use it for herself and husband!!
She also wanted me to uncancel the experience so she could do that too.

I am stunned at her actions and a little bamboozled as to what's actually caused her to act this way.

Can anyone see what I might have done to upset her?? She also suggested we meet up in a couple of weeks time!!

I wouldn’t indulge the relationship any further. It’s possible you didn’t do anything and the pressure came from her partner. I wouldn’t meet up. I would just message her back to have a great time and give her the link to book the experience. If you haven’t already send her , her money back that she sent you. Then let the relationship fade.

Aslana · 05/09/2026 14:55

Confusing. Sounds as if you two didnt discuss either experience or accommodation or who was paying for what. Usually friends going for an experience would agree on this together plus anything else they wanted to do. Working out costs is normal. Sounds as if she was ambivalent in the first place and not able go be honest with you. She.may have been embarrassed to respond to your texts. These issues best sorted by a friendly phone conversation or meeting in person. Do sort it out as a pity to lose a friend.

BlondeBanshee · 05/09/2026 14:54

This seems really strange and a big fall out over what? Maybe I’m missing something but it seems overly dramatic. I’d message her. “I’m really sorry it’s come to this. Is everything ok? I don’t want to lose you as a friend so would like to talk this through” as she has taken offence at something or maybe decided she wants to go with him instead and not been clear. It’s really weird.

but you’ll probably never feel the same way about her again. Does she have previous? Do you?

Towerinthegarden · 05/09/2026 14:52

Ihateknowingthis · 05/09/2026 01:09

The other thing involved a celebrity she doesn't like, so I thought ok fair enough, but I was really annoyed at the way she voiced her opinion, it was just a no.... at that point I thought we should meet up and have a chat but she ignore that request, so I decided not to send my half of the accommodation until we'd discussed it as at that point I wasn't sure i wanted to go away with her, she'd been a little awkward recently.
I also wanted to discuss it so she could cancel the accommodation if we decided not to go. And I could cancel the painting, by the time I did i lost half the money!

You pay people money you own them straight away, you don’t withhold it until they agree to meetings or discussions. You handled it badly. You should’ve paid her as soon as she booked.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/09/2026 14:46

LetterBetter · 05/09/2026 14:38

You seem pretty intense.

This. I can't imagine being pressured by a 'friend' to meet up and discuss our relationship, it sounds awful. I think the trip was a non-starter from the beginning.

BareNecessitiesofLife · 05/09/2026 14:45

You’ve drip fed a lot of information and yep - you have been super unreasonable and not a good friend.

LetterBetter · 05/09/2026 14:38

You seem pretty intense.

DressOrSkirt · 05/09/2026 14:31

Katalica · 05/09/2026 14:24

You know what I genuinely find really bizarre?

The number of posters on here who refuse to engage in actual face to face conversation with a supposed friend, viewing it negatively as some sort of inquisition (!!) and who prefer to hide behind their phone screens and text instead.

In OP’s shoes, I’d want to cancel because who wants to go on holiday with someone glued to their phone 24/7 constantly checking for texts and replying to them when they’re meant to be enjoying each others company and relaxing.

When I’m out with DH or friends, I tend to leave my phone on silent in my bag. In fact, I Ieave my phone with the red silent button all the time.

Edited

She wanted to meet up to discuss the extra activity friendship before paying her friend back for the accomodation.
If their friendship needed a discussion then why are they even organising a weekend away together, and why did OP let her friend book and pay for the accomodation by herself?

Katalica · 05/09/2026 14:24

You know what I genuinely find really bizarre?

The number of posters on here who refuse to engage in actual face to face conversation with a supposed friend, viewing it negatively as some sort of inquisition (!!) and who prefer to hide behind their phone screens and text instead.

In OP’s shoes, I’d want to cancel because who wants to go on holiday with someone glued to their phone 24/7 constantly checking for texts and replying to them when they’re meant to be enjoying each others company and relaxing.

When I’m out with DH or friends, I tend to leave my phone on silent in my bag. In fact, I Ieave my phone with the red silent button all the time.

Changedforthis2025 · 05/09/2026 14:19

I think she probably thought you wanted to meet up to convince her to do the celeb experience and that is why she didn't reply to you.

watchingthishtread · 05/09/2026 14:18

Without actually having a conversation with her there is no way of knowing what went wrong. It might not even have anything to do with you. Maybe her husband is horrible. Maybe he was annoyed that she was spending money and planning a trip without him. Maybe she didn't know how to handle it.

Or maybe you are hard work.

Whaaaatszuuup · 05/09/2026 14:14

Katalica · 05/09/2026 08:57

Would you really ditch a long term friend so easily and refuse to actually meet up and speak to them about your concerns before throwing away the friendship?

That doesn’t sound like very adult behaviour. Refusing to clarify why they’re upset and expecting the other person to guess is extremely childish and if someone does that to me, I’d walk away as I’m not playing silly guessing games at my age.

Show quote history

But it sounds like the straw that broke the camEls back to me.

I think I probably would ditch a long term friend who refused to pay for her accommodation unless I met up with her. I would definitely ditch a boyfriend who tried to control me.

SandyHappyPerson · 05/09/2026 14:02

Ihateknowingthis · 05/09/2026 11:56

  1. Because she likes to be in charge.
  1. I was thinking that we should meet up to discuss out relationship, not the fact that she said no to the second activity. I thought if we met up and decided not to go she could cancel the accommodation straight away. If we had met up and sorted our issues I would have paid straight away, I always pay my half.

Things have been a little strained between us for a while.
We both agreed to the experience and the accommodation.

Payng for the accommodation is definitely not the reason for all this.

And as a pp noticed, I was still awake at 3am and up late and busy reading through all these posts and learning how most of you were berating me for not paying for the accommodation when I know that's not what happened.

So strained relationship and her not wanting to communicate with me, then telling me she is going with her husband with no thought or decency to actually discuss all beforehand.

Im perplexed about the whole situation and hurt....

Show quote history

If we had met up and sorted our issues I would have paid straight away, I always pay my half.

You were holding her hostage OP, if you don't realise that then no one here can help you.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 05/09/2026 13:39

Heylittlesongbird · 05/09/2026 09:04

You both wanted to go painting so you booked it and she quickly paid you her half.

Then you told her to book accommodation, which she did.

At this point you suggested seeing a celebrity there at the same time. She said no, I don’t like them.

At this point it appears you said we need to meet in person to discuss this and withheld your payment for half the accommodation.

Then you messaged to say let’s just cancel.

And she has decided to salvage something from this by going with her husband.

And you really don’t think you’re the one in the wrong?!

Thank you for breaking this down so clearly!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 05/09/2026 13:35

SomeOtherUser · 05/09/2026 08:29

Based on everything you've said, it sounds like a bust-up has been brewing for a while. Maybe when you made clear you didn't like the particular way she said no to the additional event you had in mind, this for some reason was the straw that broke the camel's back.

It's odd the way she bailed and decided to go with her husband instead, but perhaps from her point of view (rightly or wrongly), you had already effectively cancelled by not paying for your half of the accommodation.

To me, it sounds like a series of misunderstandings from both sides. A frank discussion when things have settled will hopefully be illuminating!

Well, given OP hadn’t paid her for the accommodation and appears to have had no intention of doing so, I guess she was trying to salvage the weekend (and maybe even defeat the cost)

Wadsworthy · 05/09/2026 13:18

Then I suggested something else I'd like to do, but she was vehement that wasn't going to happen, I was upset and annoyed at her attitude but thought ok, I'll do that another time.

My goodness you overreacted! To want to meet to talk about your different preferences for the weekend, and then to cancel everything. That was passive aggressive & very petty.

pinkdelight · 05/09/2026 13:16

Lots of people have explained what you did wrong. You've dismissed that and maintain it's all her and not you. That says a lot, but clearly you'll never see it. Fine. She can have nice hol with her DH and no more hassle while you miss out and stay home feeling righteous.

beAsensible1 · 05/09/2026 13:09

you suggested something and she said no, i cant see what there was to discuss. she didn't want to do it, you could've asked her what she wanted to do.

Tbh if I've booked accommodation and you haven't paid me for it (immediately) you're waiting for a discussion first, but not telling me i'd make other plans too.

All the other stuff is irrelevant, you withheld payment. if things are funny or off, do a day or evening out. not an overnight trip.

JanBlues2026 · 05/09/2026 13:02

You’ve put her in an awkward position of having to either ask you for the money or meet with you to have an intense conversation about evaluating your friendship. I would sack it off as well.

Tralalalala88 · 05/09/2026 12:45

I don’t know why you keep dodging the question of not paying for the accommodation. I’d be super pissed off of a friend was not being upfront about whether or not they were going to pay for the accommodation. I’d feel like cancelling