To feel i didn't do anything wrong??

Have yo paid her back for her half of the experience yet or are you just planning on stealing it?

Sounds like you are being childish and cutting your nose off to spite yourself. If you value the friendship then talk like grown ups

Of course she hasn't otherwise the friend would have made the link between the money and it being cancelled rather than turning up at the experience and finding out at that point.

I also can't see the OP having sent the funds across after the fact as she's ignoring the poor friend and so determined to think she's in the right.

So it seems incredibly unlikely this friend has received any money back. The women sounds like a saint as despite all the OPs nonsense she's still choosing to be the bigger person and remain civil.

Please tell me you gave her her money back for the experience that you cancelled 🙈

You can’t be arsed with people who won’t do an activity related to a celebrity that they don’t like even if you get angry with them for not doing something they don’t want to do?
And who won’t meet up with you to discuss why you won’t do it.
And who don’t like it when you don’t pay what you owe them because you want to discuss the fact they won’t do the celebrity activity?

So you just have a go at your mates because they won’t do what you want and then you withhold money you owe them but you think they are ridiculous?

It sounds like you were very unreasonable, much as you don’t want to be told that.

Suggesting the celebrity activity once was maybe OK (even though it sounds like you knew she wouldn’t be interested) but once she’d said no, especially “vehemently”, you were totally unreasonable to press the matter.

You said in your OP that this was the reason you wanted to meet up, to discuss the second activity. The fact you didn’t second your half for the accommodation pending this chat about the second activity was awful - it would have come across as you holding on to the money as a way of trying to force her to agree.

No wonder she was annoyed.

And then the gojng on about meeting for a chat when the trip was you two meeting up is bizarre. You don’t need a meet up to discuss a meet up.

The OP is the one who owes money.

But you didn't pay for the accommodation.

If you act this perplexed by everything in real life then I'm not surprised she's given up trying, tbh. I'd rather deal with someone who said, "Yeah, I didn't pay you because I think you're wrong about something" than someone who just ignores everything I said and then claims to be totally perplexed by what's going on.

You got in a mood because she has no interest in a celebrity thing you wanted to do and said no to you. Just admit that's it, that's where the problem started and you created this entire issue by not accepting that she said no and felt offended. Offer you apology for becoming way too intense about it and move on.

It's all there in your words OP, you'd have to be

Recently we arranged a little break together, i booked and paid for an experience for us to do and she booked and paid for accommodation

Then I suggested something else I'd like to do, but she was vehement that wasn't going to happen, I was upset and annoyed at her attitude. I was really annoyed at the way she voiced her opinion, it was just a no.... at that point I thought we should meet up and have a chat but she ignore that request, so I decided not to send my half of the accommodation until we'd discussed it.

I asked to meet up to discuss our disagreement and moving forward. If we had met up and sorted our issues I would have paid straight away,

Another refusal to meet up

So i texted, I assume you've cancelled the accommodation and she didn't answer me.

Her next text told me that she hadn't cancelled the accommodation and was going to use it for herself and husband!!

Basically you turned what should have been a nice break together into a battle about an extra activity that she told you clearly she didn't want to do, you were offended she said no, and insisted you meet up to "discuss it further".. which she obviously had no interest in doing as she had given you her answer. You didn't pay her for the accommodation, so that made it clear you were not happy to proceed unless she agreed to the extra activity, so she decided to sack it off as a bad job, and go with her husband instead.

You also took her payment for the activity, cancelled it then didn't give her her money back, so you stole that money from her.

You can act perplexed all you like, but everything is right there, I'm amazed she is still giving you the time of day tbh.

Sounds really weird!! Some people can be ridiculous sometimes over the most stupid thing, or worse too, not say what’s up - I can’t be arsed with people like that! I hope she’s paid you what you’re due

I know this might be a bit of a wacky idea but have you thought to ask your friend why she didn't want to do the weekend away with you?

Are you 12?

Im still perplexed about the whole thing

So are we! You haven't given us enough information about what actually happened.

Your "friend" has tried to make contact twice and you are ignoring her, so it's never going to get resolved is it?

If you can't be arsed to actually communicate with her to find out what the actual issues are, then we aren't going to keep trying to guess what has happened.

But she paid for half of the experience. Did you reimburse her atleast?

You just don't get that you were in the wrong here. Wanting to see a celebrity just like a teenager and throwing a hissy fit and refusing to pay your share of accomodation just because your friend doesn't want to see your celebrity neither wants to meet up so you can try to bully her into agreeing with you.

She dodged a bullet.

But since you have not spoken to her, you dont know what the reason was. You didnt pay for the accomodation because you assumed she likes to take charge. Only you would know why things had been strained up until that point, but it could have been a straw that broke the camel's back.

I don't understand what arrangements had been agreed in advance and what the point of meeting up beforehand when she'd already cancelled. Surely the dates, times activities, accommodation and travel budget etc would all be discussed in advance and sorted out before booking anything?

I think she sent you her half of the pre booked activity originally paid for by you because she was planning on bailing out of the weekend arrangements, and once she had paid you and you were not out of pocket, she then told you.

As she had paid for all the accommodation herself she decide to use her booking to go with her husband .

For whatever reason, she's cooling off the friendship at least temporarily

I think you had a lucky escape tbh. I don't think you have done anything wrong, chalk it up as a bad experience and remove her from your life.

It seems unlikely that an otherwise good, 30-year friendship would implode over a disagreement over an activity. The likelihood is there has been other stuff festering and this is a 'final straw'.

based on the way you have spoken on here and your lack of explanation you are definitely the problem and are for sure not telling the whole story.

Why even ask for other people's opinions if youre going to skirt around all of the details and get snotty with people when they ask for more info?

This sounds so similar to the "Friend has cancelled on me last minute..." thread at the start. Coincident?!

It's mad that she didn't want to do the experience with you but would with her husband.

It also feels a bit like there's some missing information and context. The whole meeting up to resolve things sounds like you both had an argument about the second experience that she didn't want to do and you'd do another time, I'm so confused about why that would be the source of upset.

"Hey Hannah, I've booked a painting class for us in Manchester"
"Oh lush Kim, I'll book us a room and we can make a weekend of it"
"Fab"
"I've sent you my half of the painting money"
"Thanks, oh I also want to play padel"
"Hmm, no thanks I hate racket sports, can we just stick to the painting?"
"OK, I'll padel another time"

Why was the booking accommodation reluctant?
Why didn't you offer to pay half the accommodation if she's already paid for half the activity?

I am so confused about what the upset is actually about. Is she pissed off with you because you assumed it's OK that she pays for the hotel? Are you holding a grudge about the vetoed second activity option? How big was this falling out that you needed to meet up to chat about it? Seems so wildly out of proportion.

Too many holes in this one so I'm going to have to assume you've left out some vital information and you are probably the unreasonable one.

i would bet its the husband being an arse and doesnt want her going without him....ask her when you next meet up and then decide if she's worthy of your friendship

Are you someone who finds it hard to not get your own way? Do you try and persuade other people to do what you’d like. You said you didn’t like the way she voiced her opinion about the second activity. It rang alarm bells for me that may be you push your wishes quite strongly and don’t like being thwarted.

This may well be a "straw that broke" situation for her.
From what I gathered reading your posts and updates, you knew she had laid out for accommodation, but was waiting for her to ask you for your share. I would find that frustrating too. I hate owing people money, so the minute I realise I need to pay my share, I go out of my way to do so. Your friend feeling like you're not an equal contributor to these kind of commitments can be really trying, and she may see you as being a CF.

Plus then you asking for an experience as part of the getaway (maybe asking or assuming her to contribute 50% towards that) that you knew she would have zero interest in, was probably the icing on the cake for her. If this kind of pattern has happened on and off for 30 years, she was probably fed up with it (although she should have really found a way to communicate this). Maybe some reflection about the general give and take in your relationship over the past years is due