Resentment over benefits and household costs when I am sole earner

Is this another OP who doesn't like the answers she's getting so has disappeared?

Op didn't say he can't cook. She said he uses a lit of lentils and spices which her dc don't like! I don't think it is that hard to exaggerate tbh. Most people don't but some will.

Sounds like an awful situation OP. He’s choosing to be greedy and selfish by not sharing all of his benefits with the family.

He’s also a far bit older. Do you really want to be a carer to an old man who is miserly? Actually it’s not just a carer, you’re also paying for his lifestyle!

Hope you’re able to get free!

I can’t understand why anyone would stay with a partner like this: no pension (also, why did you have no idea? Have you not spoken about it before?); no real income, and clearly unwilling to operate as a partnership. He’s a deadbeat and it’s only going to get worse as he gets older. You’d not see me for dust at this point.

Several neurological disorders can be as bad as or worse than a stroke. It really depends on what it is, if it’s degenerative and how serious his symptoms are.

Yes, agree his income should be joint just like OP’s is.

Most healthy, abled 80yr olds have limited mobility, not everyone is as lucky as you are, determination to not be a passenger in life only gets you so far.

In what way? He hasn't had a stroke but has a neurological disorder according to the OP. I totally understand that he really is unwell, but he is still capable of making some practical contributions to the functioning of the household he lives in and psychologically that would actually be of benefit to him. I speak as an 80 year-old with limited mobility who is determined not to be a passenger in our marriage. Certainly he should be contributing fairly to the family budget, given that they have two teenage daughters, one of whom also has a disability.

Behave Op is struggling to cover the rent and food and he's saving money obviously he wants to do it but it shouldn't be able to save four grand when she's on her knees

Could you be entitled to benefits if you left? Or kicked him out? Can you live with parents? Could you rent somewhere smaller?

im not one for shared pots but there is no reason why your money is shared and his isn’t. Has he always been in a position of power in this relationship? He’s taking advantage. It’s almost cruel. You deserve more than this.

I don’t think I can express this enough. He really is taking advantage of you and I would be looking at ways to leave. I’m so sorry

YAVU for going 23 years without knowing he doesn’t have a pension! How are these
chats not had before you even move in? Also if he can walk a dog and play with gadgets etc doesn’t he have some level of ability to work, even a part time job? He’s neurologically sound enough to be conning you into meeting all his financial needs! He’s 60 and has cottoned onto the fact that he’s with a young woman who will support him fully and he can spend his £1000 play money however he likes. Get him told that either everything is joint money or he pays all his contributions (including 50% of all bills) from his solo income and you will do the same.

Sick people can be dicks too.

Sounds hard op. Do you want to stay together?

Have you presented him with the household expenditure vs income? My DH is unable to work- I've had to be clear about budgets and how much disposable income there is (or isn't). In my experience, men can feel the need to retain some feeling of control when they lose their livelihood- but they need to deal with the practicalities and get over themselves.

@NotAtMyAge
If he can walk the dogs he can do practical things reasonably normally.

Massive and illogical assumption

@walrushurricane
You must be aware you can get PIP with no physical disability? Not all disabilities are physical.

Does he at least have the State pension, that is, the NI contributions to get the max?

Hopefully you are able to move to a cheaper area soonest.

Good luck!

If he can walk the dogs he can do practical things reasonably normally. Yes PIP is a personal benefit but ESA is meant to make up at least partially for the fact you can't work to earn your living. It's not meant as pocket money while your partner pays for everything.

You have zero rationale to claim he isn’t entitled to any PIP.
OP has indicated he can’t really cook. She’s feeding his delusion by eating inedible food.

At any rate, being able to do a bit of cleaning and walking the dog doesn’t exclude a person from being eligible for PIP. It’s more complex than you are saying and honestly it is very hard to get both PIP and ESA. Your allegations that he is not entitled and taking advantage are unfounded. You have no idea what his disabilities are.

Leave him and be single. He will be looked after.

@Moneyproblemgiraffe Feeling resentment towards someone who is very unwell and unable to work is wild.

The questions about doing something repeatedly in reasonable time etc are relevant for esa not pip.

They are relevant for pip too.

The Reliability Criteria - The Key to Higher Descriptors
Before any descriptor is awarded, the DWP must apply four reliability tests set out in regulation 4(2A) of the Social Security (Personal Independence Payment) Regulations 2013:

1. Safely - the activity can be performed in a manner unlikely to cause harm to you or another, either during or after.
2. To an acceptable standard - the activity is performed to a standard reasonably comparable to a non-disabled person.
3. Repeatedly - the activity can be performed as often as is reasonably required.
4. In a reasonable time period - no more than twice the time it would take a non-disabled person.

I appreciate that some people think they can fo things but can't and so would be entitled to PIP. However, OPs DH can cook, clean, walk the dogs etc she hasn't suggested that he just thinks he can.And your relatives who were unable to follow a route were not just physically disabled.

OP, has he had any therapy for this drastic change in life circumstances? Have you? It’s really hard to accept being permanently disabled and you are both likely resentful more at life turning out this way, grieving the life you should have had together and this anger is being misdirected into power struggles and arguments over money?

Yes I know just because a person is physically disabled, it doesn’t mean they don’t know how to cook or dress or safely follow the route for a journey.

However, it also follows that just because a person is not physically disabled it does not mean they can do these activities either. I have had relatives after a stroke who are perfectly physically able to walk the dog, clean, do certain diy tasks like hang a shelf as they always have but due to where the brain damage is they aren’t able to actually cook, dress appropriately or get about town independently. They also weren’t always aware of how bad they were. Those are activities under PIP.

These were examples of “a disabled person” to illustrate that a person thinking they can do an activity isn’t what counts for PIP. It was clear these were not examples meant to be linked to OP’s DH.

My DM got PIP when she had cancer. She could still get out and about, walking places and do a basic house clean.
it’s based on individual assessment!

Get rid of this leech.