Resentment over benefits and household costs when I am sole earner

He will still receive PIP as a pensioner, assuming he doesn’t recover from his illness/disability. You can’t make a new claim for PIP after State pension age but existing claims continue. Attendance allowance is available to pensioners who meet the criteria for extra care costs.

We are in a similar situation. DH has been unable to work for many years. My salary & his benefits are all paid into joint account & used to pay for our family. DH spends a bit on aids/supplements but has never seen the benefits as his own money.

All money coming in should be joint. 🤷‍♀️

My husbands neurological condition means he can only leave the house for 10-20 minutes before he experiences crippling pain in his head. He cannot watch TV, use any screens, speak to more than two people at a time (people speaking with their hands and animatedly causes his brain to shoot pain through his head), he cannot listen to music or read a book, he can’t play board games or use colouring pencils. He can’t do any of that let alone chores or contributing to the household. Don’t assume that neurological conditions are mild. Some are absolutely crippling. My husband is 30 and his world is 4 walls and a radio.

Leave him you would be better off.

They are individually assessed but all assessed on the same strict descriptors on which you need to score enough points.
Can they cook a simple meal, can they eat and drink without assistance, can they wash and dress, budget, manage medications and therapies, communicate, and then the two mobility questions. I can only think he scored points because he can't do the activities reliably, safely etc as someone above described because op has mentioned him doing most activities. PIP is not awarded based on a diagnosis.

If you read the full thread you’d see that we had this discussion already.

If you read what OP actually wrote, you'll see that after the big food shop she has £300 left to fund the family through the rest of the month. In a three-adult household, with a teenager attending college and the OP incurring the normal expenses of getting to and from work, I very much doubt that she has any money to spend on herself at all. Meanwhile, her cunty DH contributes nothing at all to the family pot but spends his £l000 a month on DIY and gadgets. He has used his disability to turn into an A-grade cocklodger while the OP struggles to do everything else. I don't know how you dare to defend such a selfish and hateful ardehole!

I have been in a similar situation OP when a chronic condition I have flared up and I had to leave work. I was on ESA and PIP which came to about £900 a month. It all went straight into the joint account. It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to keep it to myself. I do not understand his logic at all and you have every right to feel the way you do.

It is not his money for himself. It is money given to him to cover his living costs. His family & you are part of that. Why isn't that obvious to him?

Don't accept this from him any longer. Tell him you wont be covering all of the rent & bills from now on, so he'll have to stump up his fair share.

What part of that sounds like he isnt able to cook?

Hes a messy cook and doesnt cook to anyones tastes but his own. Ie a messy, selfish COOK

Christ shes probably got other things to do today, most people dont post and sit on their phone waiting on responses for hours on end, they have lives and responsibilities.

In other words he doesn't want to cook food the DC like. Sounds similar to my DH's cooking. He is certainly not disabled though.

Did the McMillan nurses do it though? The criteria is different. It's obviously not going to go on how you are at the point the questionnaire is completed

@NullaEffugium

That's the US and the mention of apartments indicates an urban population. I live in rural Wales and my experience is exactly as I told you. Of course I'm not as strong as I was and I have a bad leg, but in the context of this thread my determination to continue contributing to our household despite this is the relevant point I was making. I do most of the cooking and all the laundry, my husband does the maintenance and heavy gardening and we share the cleaning.

It was terminal but she wasn’t given less than a year.

the point being everyone who gets PIP is individually assessed

This is what OP said
He will/ can cook but nothing anyone else will eat. Too much spice/ lentil etc.
I will eat but dds not. And so much mess.

This doesn’t sound like he is able to cook to me.

Ok, well your experience doesn’t trump population level statistics.

Approximately one third of 70-year-olds and most 80-year-olds report restrictions on mobility in their apartments and immediate surroundings. Restriction or loss of mobility is a complex multifactorial process, which makes older adults prone to falls, injuries, and hospitalizations and worsens their quality of life while increasing overall mortality.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10360303/

Reduced mobility in older adults is rarely one thing. It’s a convergence: muscles shrink, joints stiffen, the body’s balance sensors become less precise, neurological signals slow, and side effects from medications compound everything. Sarcopenia, the clinical term for age-related muscle loss, affects approximately 18.8% of community-dwelling adults aged 65 and older, according to a 2022 systematic review and meta-analysis of 52 studies.2 That’s nearly one in five seniors living at home. Arthritis, which attacks the joints rather than the muscles, is even more common: CDC data from 2024 shows it affects 53.9% of U. S. adults aged 75 and older.3

After 80, the body becomes progressively less efficient at converting dietary protein into new muscle tissue….The European Working Group on Sarcopenia in Older People defines the condition as a muscle disease directly associated with falls, fractures, physical disability, and “loss of independence or need for long-term care placement.”4 Low grip strength is a simple early indicator. Research on 1,598 older adults found that over 51% had “possible sarcopenia” based on grip strength alone, far more than the 18.8% figure captured by the stricter clinical definition.

Falls are the leading cause of injury-related death in adults 65 and older, and a single fall dramatically increases the likelihood of a second.

Falls are the leading cause of injury-related death in adults 65 and older, and a single fall dramatically increases the likelihood of a second.
https://www.sondercare.com/learn/mobility-disability/what-common-mobility-issues-old-age/?srsltid=AfmBOooQkdp2teyNnWZ4RPAhRPTZz9vOSm7OVrf1jjeQIEygjkQ2FLp_

Oh another one being resentful that boring things have to be paid for and getting cross when there isn't enough money. If he lived alone he'd have to pay for everything.

He's let you struggle whilst he buys extras for DIY!

I'd stop right now. If he wants all his money himself he can but he pays 50% of everything and does his own laundry, cooking etc. I would probably end the relationship as you'd be better off alone.

Was it terminal cancer? I think if it is estimated to be less than one year pip is given .

Hey cornflake do you understand what this forum is for? You seem very judgmental on a person you don’t know but who is obviously struggling. people post stuff all the time it doesn’t mean they owe everyone an explanation op people like you do my head in. Go get yourself a life where you don’t need mumsnet to entertain you. Fgs.

Hi op this is disgraceful behaviour from him. Tell him he can put 800 in the joint account then you both can have 200 for personal use or you will find somewhere new and claim universal credit just be cause he’s ill he doesn’t get to keep all his money tell him he can move to a sheltered accommodation where he can pay his way. I’m not surprised it’s come to a head he’s treating you like shit. If you were a high earner fair enough but your struggling financially and he’s saving for dd fuck that no marriage vows would keep me trapped with him. He’s tight and you have every right to that money. Tell him straight he pays his way or he can move out or you will. Even if you don’t go through with it definitely don’t carry on carrying him.

Do you want to stay with him, OP?

Most healthy, abled 80yr olds have limited mobility

Not in my experience. I know plenty of people my age and older whose mobility is still normal, as was mine until a severe leg infection 3 years ago. Even with a problem leg, I can still reach down and touch my toes, though I'm incapable of kneeling.

The children are old enough that I would be planning my exit.