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Original poster

Nervous re age / family planning

31 replies

126Doubts · 04/09/2026 19:18

Soon to be 37, single, in a bit complicated situation where life circumstances didn't work out that much due to outside events, although not the hugely desperate type (in the no savings and previous student debt category).
Basically, beginning attempting retraining (OU), and don't hugely wish to date atm if I'm super honest,kind of want this time to try at least to better myself - I grew up in complicated circumstances, and just don't wish this life for my family if I do end up having one....
But also nervous as to if I should be wary of wasting time ?
`
Let me know if any advice ? Happy stories obviously very welcome, but also blunt feedback ?

Let me know also if any questions specifically would help answer. TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
126Doubts · 04/09/2026 19:54

firsttimepregnanthelp · 04/09/2026 19:47

I agree that having a baby needs to come first if it is something you really want. Why can't you date and better yourself at the same time? I was retraining when I met DP. If you really don't want a baby now and aren't bothered about a partner you could freeE an embryo with donor sperm. Egg freezing is much less likely to be successful.

Thanks, yes probably could do both, I think I'm a bit nervous as I feel like a lot of women my age have it all figured out, so a bit unsure of myself atm also really. Re donors there is definitely the financial aspect, I don't really have more than your regular food roof etc type budget.

OP posts:
firsttimepregnanthelp · 04/09/2026 19:53

@126Doubts there are no perfect circumstances in which to have a baby really - some better than others, yes, but difficulties arise no matter what. What happened in your life that you are afraid of repeating? Is there anything you can put in place to mitigate the impact?

Original poster
126Doubts · 04/09/2026 19:50

OtterlyMad · 04/09/2026 19:43

To be blunt, if you definitely want children then you need to prioritise that now. Plenty of women do have babies in their late thirties or early forties but the statistics don’t lie and you’ll be absolutely gutted if you delay trying for a few years only to find it doesn’t happen for you. Retraining can wait but your fertility might not.

Thanks. I was thinking of giving myself a few months just to focus on the course, then resume, otherwise if I was younger I would probably have done the full degree first.
I'm so nervous as to if I'd be exposing them to the same life I had.

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 04/09/2026 19:48

You have left it late .. not yet too late but it will
be soon .
you can keep making excuses about your own shit childhood etc … but the reality is … if you want a baby of your own then you need to crack on with sorting it out asap … before you no longer have the option .

firsttimepregnanthelp · 04/09/2026 19:47

I agree that having a baby needs to come first if it is something you really want. Why can't you date and better yourself at the same time? I was retraining when I met DP. If you really don't want a baby now and aren't bothered about a partner you could freeE an embryo with donor sperm. Egg freezing is much less likely to be successful.

OtterlyMad · 04/09/2026 19:43

To be blunt, if you definitely want children then you need to prioritise that now. Plenty of women do have babies in their late thirties or early forties but the statistics don’t lie and you’ll be absolutely gutted if you delay trying for a few years only to find it doesn’t happen for you. Retraining can wait but your fertility might not.