Should I agree to my Dad’s unreasonable demand to get the train to his birthday?

You are quibbling over a couple of hours of your life?

I would agree, as you have, and then do exactly what I like. For whatever reason he’s not being rational, and as you are an adult, you can travel whichever way suits you best. With regard to lying I tend to favour a direct question -direct answer approach. When you get there, if he asks if you got the train you say “oh I decided it was better to drive in the end, DH was concerned about me hanging around in the station late at night”. I know it sounds harsh but you are not responsible for other people’s feelings, you’re not “making him worry”, it sounds like he will be worrying about something regardless of what you do.

I'd lie, it's only a little one 🤏

Park near another tube station on the same line?
That way you arrive and leave by tube.

I would drive and tell him after you arrive. That way he can see that you are fine and will always drive to visit him.

Just explain you feel safer in the car late at night than waiting on an empty platform in the dark for a train and then travelling on public transport at night with strangers.

It’s the safer option. He should understand.

I’d just drive, park around the corner and tell
him I got the train. Fibbing is ok as his request is bonkers.

Have you asked him what his reasons are? I mean, if he’s just worried that all driving isn’t safe and that he’s afraid that he’ll join his friends who have lost children, then I’d tell him that driving is safer than you hanging around a deserted train station after dark. But if he has a nagging gut feeling that something will happen, but would be happy for you to drive any other time, then I’d be more inclined to listen.

I have a relative a bit like this; she’s assessed all sorts of things as being too dangerous for her, so is at pains to make sure everyone else agrees not to do them either. Which essentially means that everyone would just stay indoors with a fire extinguisher at the ready. Easy to humour her, but the requests turn into emotional blackmail and get more and more intrusive until you find yourself agreeing to eat steak with a spoon in case you chop your arm off.

Has it ever occurred to you, that your Dad's request for you to take the train may be because he may be concerned for your safety?

Due to braindead fools driving the wrongway on motorways, risking lives to gain social media likes.

Good for you. Just be matter of fact about it and shut down any repeated attempts to engage you in "anxiety-bonding".

"It's absolutely fine, Dad" - on repeat, and nothing else on the subject. You're there to celebrate his life and his birthday, so focus on that.

Easier said than done, I know. My own dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly aged 70. Awful - but although he was 20 years younger than your father, this was already starting to become a feature. Driving, going to the theatre, etc., Even walks in the countryside were becoming a challenge. Every footpath across fields would prompt fears that the dog (on a lead) would be shot by a farmer for worrying livestock, every other walker's dog was a slavering monster who would tear my little pooch to shreds... (Hold her close, REP22! Closer!! HOLD HER!!)... the only way forwards is to non-committally acknowledge the remarks but not engage or indulge further debate on the matter and simply carry on. It's very possible to do this without being rude or thoughtless.

Ultimately, you cannot control your dad's fear, anxieties or worrisome pleadings. But you CAN control how you react to them and what effect they have on your own life and decisions.

Best wishes to you. x

Just drive. If you have to say anything, just say it was a last minute decision as you were worried re train delays or some other story.

Just turn up in the car but ask him why he is so anxious about you driving

Park at the station and if he asks say the station was very busy today.

I would be getting the train, but I hate driving and will use any excuse I can not to.

The latest motorway crashes have really scared people. I opt for a white lie. Park in the train station. Let him have peace of mind.
Have a lovely time, a 90th is fantastic.

Just drive, tell him you get to spend more time with him then because it's a 90 minute round trip rather than a 4 hour one. Tell him you'd rather be in your car than alone on a train at night and remind him of the two trains that came off the rails recently. There's risk in every type of transport and frankly leaving the house. Is he telling your brother not to drive?

Yes this sounds very plausible. All the media attention on these terrible incidences of driving the wrong way on motorways has probably upset him.

My Dad is this age. He's anxious in a way he never would have been only a few years ago. You do what's best for you. I'd probably take the train if he asked me, as I want to save him worry where I can.

@Janefx40 could you drive to a train station that's just one stop away then "take the train"?

That way you're not lying - you DID take the train. But you also get to drive most of the way there!

Where does he live? In his own place or in a managed facility?

If he lives independently, can't you drive when it's light and stay overnight?

I'd hate if if my DD just flat out lied to me because she thought I was being stupid rather than heard my concern and offered an alternative solution.

For health reasons, I can't drive, so I have to use the train (or taxis). Most stations are not the deserted, crime-ridden places people are talking about, unless it's very remote.

I'd get the train and arrange ubers to and from the station, or even taxi all the way, given that 90 is a special birthday and could well be his last.

Op just drive and tell him you’ve looked at train times and they aren’t suitable due to work. Tell him you can’t get the morning off work.

Crazy request. 45 min drive up a motorway used to my commute to work.