Should I agree to my Dad’s unreasonable demand to get the train to his birthday?

Of course it's fine to lie to him, he's demanding something stupid and causing distress to others by doing so, it's not his place to tell you not to drive and you don't owe him an explanation about this. Lying is not always a bad thing, sometimes it's a kindness to yourself.

People who claim you should always tell the truth are lying when they say that. When it's your own private business - such as how you plan to get to an event that in no way affects anyone else - it's absolutely fine to withhold information or flatly lie.

So lie, and drive there.

Just lie OP, make him happy. If he was a partner or parent aged 50 I'd say he's being controlling and ridiculous, but come on, he's 90 and clearly getting confused. When we are very young or very old, white lies can't hurt. I hope my children humour me like that, if I get to this stage.

I wouldn't go to any trouble staging a convincing story though, I'd just park one street away from the restaurant and if questioned say "yes of course I caught the train dad, anyway how about that [other topic]...."

Do you think he might be anxious after hearing about the horrific wrong way crashes recently? I work with the elderly and I know several of them haven’t really understood what happened and seem to think it’s happening more than it is.
Perhaps have a chat with him about what it is he is worried about. But I wouldn’t allow his anxieties to dictate what you do

Tell a wee lie - I'd phone and say something like, "Dad, I've looked up the trains but there isn't one I can get that will get me there in time because I've got to work in the morning, and I'll also have to leave early and I'd rather spend extra time with you on your birthday. So, I'm going to drive, but I'll leave in plenty of time and drive very carefully and I'm really looking forward to seeing you." And perhaps finish with asking him a question about something else so he doesn't immediately make a fuss. Tactics!

Will you be drinking that's my first question.. and he's 90 he's not going to have many requests forever.

Finally ask him what has made him feel this way

I would just drive to the penultimate railway station and take the train one stop.

Keep to this to yourself and don't tell anyone, even your brother.

Unless your dad is hoping you have a few alcoholic drinks.

Just tell him what you have told us and it’s not safe for you to get the train home that late

I would have no qualms lying to a 90 y/o parent and driving in this situation. Its about making them feel less anxious.

His fears are illogical. If you give in to this, there will be something else further down the line, and you will end up with him not wanting you to drive at all.

For what it's worth, my grandparents hate me driving, because the roads are so much busier these days, and it seems stressful to them - but to me it just seems normal, as that's how I learned!

Exactly. OP, is there any chance he wants you to drink with him? If not, and it’s anxiety re. driving, then push back. I had an issue with my DF fussing over me driving in the dark in the winter- but my DB confirmed he does not do the same to him. We both drive the same type and age of car, so he’s not worried about mine being older - he’s just got an issue with women driving without a bloke in the car. He’s accepted it now, and my DSM had a go at him about it as well.

Let him think you'll be taking the train then drive and say there were problems with the train or you couldn't get away from work in time to get the train, so you HAD TO drive.

@Janefx40
I would just have no more discussion with him about it. Change the subject... go to the loo.. anything..
I'd then drive, park around the corner and just don't mention it other than to say "good journey.. isn't the weather blah blah" Once there what are you going to do. Don't say you've driven. just start talking about something else.

He's got a bee in his bonnet about it and is just going round and round , but I think if you can change the conversation he would be easily distracted.

Sorry Janefx40, Its hard, but really all the disadvantages of the train you've mentioned are worse than the car.

just explain to your dad that the car journey is easier and you consider it safer ...

Tell him you'll think about it and then just drive, he'll see that nothing bad happened when you arrive safely

Drive, say you couldn't get the train after all as you needed to work in the morning.

Next time just say no!

I would either lie (but the parking sounds difficult your dad’s end), or (again lie) say that the train was cancelled, so I didn’t have a choice.

I firmly believe that if a lie makes somebody happy, it’s not wrong - and even the Bible only says you shouldn’t bear against your neighbour.

Just work out which lie is kindest to your dad, and easiest for you.

This is exactly what I would do.

I'd not lie about train/driving. That would be very hurtful if he finds out - and he might.

I'd consider inflating some risk of train roadworks or cancellations to make it a necessity/reason to reconsider.

You wanted to, but taking X into account ot won't be/wasn't as easy as you thought.

I would drive and just park at the station in the next town so just a 1 stop job if that's possible. He won't know and you get to to travel the way you like.

This 100%

Park at a station one stop away, get the train to his nearest station. Then you can say you got the train and it wouldn't technically be a lie.

I really don't think it's kind to lie. And you shouldn't have to take the train if you don't want to. Ideally you could get through to him that taking the train is more dangerous for you, but if not I think he needs to accept that this is your choice.

I would agree to take the train but as it happened on the day you ended up driving because your train was cancelled....

Tell him to read the news articles about train crashes in the last couple of months.
Right now I'd far rather take the car for my own safety than get on a train!

I’d be lying, how would he know either way? Park at the train station if it helps.