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AIBU?

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Original poster

to just book my annual leave and tell my ex what dates he can have our child?

17 replies

jhonni · 04/09/2026 14:38

I asked my ex about October half term dates over a month ago. Have chased twice and still nothing. He constantly leaves things until the last minute and it causes a headache at work. I always seem to be able to get booked way in advance and he is often getting back to me two weeks before the holidays start. The October half term is in 6 weeks and all I want to know is which days he is booking off work. He has another son and tries to have them at the same time and always waits for his ex to let him know dates, and I don't see why it always revolves around his other son. He then says 'I have him these dates so that's when I am free' My manager has asked me to confirm dates as lots of people are wanting that week off. WIBU to just book it and if he isn't happy to jusy tell him he took too long?

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 04/09/2026 14:50

Is there anything in your access order that states he gets first preference or that he has til X days before to let you know dates? If not, I'd just go ahead and tell him what dates you've booked.

Original poster
jhonni · 04/09/2026 14:50

BudgetBuster · 04/09/2026 14:50

Is there anything in your access order that states he gets first preference or that he has til X days before to let you know dates? If not, I'd just go ahead and tell him what dates you've booked.

No nothing at all.

OP posts:
LarryForPrimeMinister · 04/09/2026 15:01

Just book it and let him know what dates if he's not happy, tough shit.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/09/2026 15:20

He’s had plenty of time to reply, do what suits you and the kids.

Moonnstarz · 04/09/2026 15:26

While people are saying do whatever suits you and the kids, do you have a plan for if he then says he can't do whatever days are left and simply refuses? As seen on here there a lot of uninterested parents so he might just refuse.
Especially as it doesn't really sound like you have a formal agreement in place.

Holeymoley28 · 04/09/2026 15:29

Unfortunately if you need him for childcare then your going to have to wait but if you have back up or you child is old enough to be home alone for a few hours then definitely book what you want and sod him.

The other mother of his other child will have to bend to your dates for once.

Original poster
jhonni · 04/09/2026 17:28

Moonnstarz · 04/09/2026 15:26

While people are saying do whatever suits you and the kids, do you have a plan for if he then says he can't do whatever days are left and simply refuses? As seen on here there a lot of uninterested parents so he might just refuse.
Especially as it doesn't really sound like you have a formal agreement in place.

If he refused my mum would just have him

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 04/09/2026 17:29

You've given him chance. Just book it and tell him

Moonnstarz · 04/09/2026 18:03

jhonni · 04/09/2026 17:28

If he refused my mum would just have him

Show quote history

Then I would perhaps give him a deadline (e.g Monday) and then say if you haven't heard by then you will be booking the dates you want off as you now need to confirm it with work.

If it then doesn't work for him then that's his loss.

feathermucker · 04/09/2026 18:06

I’d send him a message giving him a deadline then just go ahead and book it. Sounds like you’ve been more than considerate and if you have a backup plan, at least you’re not reliant on him for childcare.

good luck

PullTheBricksDown · 04/09/2026 18:08

Yes, move to a 'tell me by X if this is a problem, if I don't hear I'll book it' approach.

HowardTJMoon · 04/09/2026 18:15

Sod him. You've given him several chances so it's obviously just not that important to him. Another vote for "As you've not responded I'll assume my proposed dates are acceptable" and do what suits you. I'm very much an advocat of strong co-parenting relationships where you're flexible and willing to negotiate but you can't do that in a vacuum. If the other parent can't be arsed to engage then eventually you've just got to go with what works best for you. Just make sure you keep records of the texts.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2026 18:20

I’d warn him and tell him you’re booking flights tomorrow I’d you don’t hear from him
in future say ‘these are the days I want I’ll assume ok unless I hear otherwise within two weeks’ for the rest of the year

Grumpyoldcat · 04/09/2026 18:21

Yep.

TwinklyAmberSloth · 04/09/2026 18:28

Don't just tell him for this half term. Write a list of when he is having him for ALL the school holidays! That way it's all in writing.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/09/2026 19:51

What I’ve always done is send my exh dates year by year, Sept - Sept in about March. Then I say by what date I’ll consider the dates confirmed if I don’t hear back - maybe three weeks from sending or something.

I am scrupulously fair with it so he doesn’t have any complaints- he’s just glad someone else is doing the admin!

Its eow and half the holidays each so it’s not too difficult to do a rota- we rotate half terms so we each get different ones each year.

Edit - we do swaps when needed and we both will swap on request if we’re able to - it’s just having a basis of each knowing what’s our time, but it’s not 100% rigid.

This makes it sound like I get on well with my ex and I don’t always! He’s just far less organised so is happy to accept this.

nutbrownhare15 · 04/09/2026 20:12

Tell him you have to book your dates in on monday

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