To think in life being a nice, good person rarely counts for much?

Yes, this is really common. Often with an OP who tells us she's a "people pleaser" and seems to think it's a noble thing. "I'm so nice, a real people pleaser, even though I hate that bitch and I want you all to hate her too!"

I do think a lot of it is due to women being socialised more than men always to be "nice", though. You hear "kill them with kindness" a lot. I'll be so nice and sweet and kind and lovely because I want to DESTROY THEM!!!!

I have noticed this

Mumsnet “friends” whereby both people in the friendship appear to despise the other

Yes, and why would anyone voluntarily spend their time with someone they consider ‘toxic’? If you don’t like someone, don’t befriend them. It’s not like you’re allocated a small, unalterable set of people from whom you’re not ever allowed to deviate!

Though as a significant minority of Mners post regularly about ‘friends’ they dislike intensely, they certainly seem to think it’s entirely normal to spend your free time with people you dislike.

I disagree. All these “toxic” people who you seem to think are out… who? Is this from your experience?

Pushy people do seem to be ahead of the game in life.

Luck comes into it too.

A few people attract the right crowd of friends. Kind and nice. The vast majority however only attract a few friends some of whom may well be toxic. Such is the luck of the draw.

Those “arseholes” probably regard themselves as being very good kind people that are used and abused by the “nasties”!

I’ve noticed in life that being nice, helpful, honest, reliable, trustworthy rarely count for much.

well at the ripe old age of 46 it seems to have served me well. I have a wonderful group of close girlfriends who I trust and love, and absolutely don’t feel as though I have been shat on or treated badly in life

‘I’ve noticed in life that being nice, helpful, honest, reliable, trustworthy rarely count for much.
’
I am these things, and have kids, and work and volunteer, and help friends/neighbours/ strangers when I can and if I can.

and I am surrounded by lovely people, who are similar and go out of the way to return favours. The occasional arsehole that everyone comes across - just tune them out. I know their unkindness is a result of their unhappiness or problems. Their insecurities.
I give them little of my time and energy.
Without sound like too much of a hippy about it - you get back from the universe and people what you put in.

The mistake is being nice to arseholes that don't deserve it.

A short overview of what karma actually is for those who need to know (ie, those using it as a threat or complaining because they can't see it)...

https://www.dhammawiki.com/index.php?title=Kamma

The kids get something out of the party - mainly the birthday kid, but hopefully the other kids enjoy it too.

Do I think the parents are delighted/grateful to you to spend their Saturday all day at a five year olds birthday party? No, definitely not. They've likely had to cancel their own social plans to go there.

As I said, I throw my DC birthday parties, and I reluctantly attend their friends ones, but it's for the benefit of the kids - I'm not sure why you think it's a good deed to other parents to throw your own kid a birthday party

@Homewithddi didn’t mean just turning up makes you a good team player. I mean being a good team player also :)

Absolutely.

They also seem to massively lack any kind of self-awareness, lol.

I completely agree with you and said the same to my daughter today about her team sport. Turning up every single time. Being a good team player unfortunately counts for nothing in my experience. It’s all who is perceived the best. Same with being kind you just get taken the piss out of ultimately. Sorry to be negative but I feel the same way.

The world is increasingly run by horrendous, psychopathic bullying types.

And people promote phrases like ‘bad ass bitches.’

No surprises here at all.

Eh, my experience is that people who claim to be nice and kind and honest are actually the most unpleasant (not always, obviously, but often).

Aye. Sometimes it just takes a while to get there 😉.

I never said said you become like that through being trodden on, of course everyone has different personalities.
However, not everyone is lucky in life and meet perfect people. Sometimes this comes through life lessons and realising how to navigate theae people. I do have some friends just not as many now.

I would have said the same as you once but unfortunately people can turn out to be the complete opposite of who you thought they were. These two examples weren't friends I'd known for a few months, I'd known them absolutely years and I never ever thought they'd turn on me the way they did. It bloody hurts when people do you dirty. I'm too bloody soft deep down but I have a better armour in place and bullshit-o-meter.

In depends on the circumstances. I am not exceptional at anything. I’ve no intention of trying to be. Once I treat people how I like to be treated that’s enough for me.
The main players can’t run the team themselves, they are very important, just like in hospital setting, the doctor can’t work without the nurse, the nurse can’t work without the care assistant, they all need the cleaner to do their job well. It takes an army.
I don’t mind if I’m the slowest cadet.