To think in life being a nice, good person rarely counts for much?

Very pass -agg of you for someone with such a nice life

One key thing about karma (the real concept, not the imaginary personal vengeful god kind which would actually be contrary to some very basic tenets of Buddhism) is that it frequently isn't visible.

From the link I shared earlier: Because kamma is primarily psychological (i.e. intention), its manifestation is primarily psychological. It only affects our physical form and circumstances to the degree that the mind can have an influence on the physical, as for example when prolonged worry can cause physical illness. The main effect kamma has upon us is how we feel (happy, neutral or unhappy) and which realm we will be reborn into.

Whatever one thinks of this, I think we do all agree that you don't know someone's state of mind just by looking at their external life and the things they have. People who go on about karma without understanding what it actually is are often very clued in to their own invisible suffering but less aware that the suffering of others might be invisible too, including those on whom they wish it.

There's a huge puritanical, anti-sex undercurrent on MN. A lot of it is disguised because slagging off men for liking sex will generally get posters applauded on this site, but the mask slips the minute the subject of women maybe liking sex comes up.

Reading those threads I always think asexuality is much more common than we think - it's just that a lot of those anti-sex people are also the kind of people who think labelling sexuality is a self-indulgent modern fad.

Yes I think you are right. I know a few people who are always on the take, looking for a come up or just plain miserable and tbh, they don’t seem to have suffered at all. But maybe other people think that about me. I used to be a people pleaser and that sucked. Life is much better when I put myself first actually.

To be fair, a couple of prominent posters on that thread were male incels in a rage. But yes, plenty of "I am morally superior because I have less sex" nonsense. I was actually surprised at how many women still see sex as something they "give" to men rather than something they actually enjoy itself.

Haha yes absolutely.

The common mindset is self-righteousness. People who pat themselves on the back for being Nice and Good, who wear Appropriate Clothes and Follow Etiquette and Aren't Cheap Hussies, and who also watch everyone else like a hawk for any infractions of the above.

Let me guess, you're religious? Nothing wrong with that

Oh absolutely 😂

See the thread at the moment about judging how many people someone has had sex with 🙄

Shhh don't say it out loud! I restrain myself from posting this on so many MN threads.

You just know they're also the ones judging all and sundry for perceived lack of etiquette in public, or wearing tight running shorts, or eating crisps or whatever.

I find it fascinating.

There’s a thread running at the moment about children treating their parents and it’s full of people being nasty about anyone who has a different family dynamic to them.

They pride themselves on being so kind and generous with their money but are thoroughly unpleasant with their words.

I should have said fall roughly into two categories givers or takers . I was more of a giver in my younger days but after the menopause a taker . I put my self first more now .

It's true. I guess that's why they created religion to convince people to be nice and not kill and steal from each other. People get way with things all the time but in my experience there is always a bigger fish and they often come to harm or get their come uppance eventually. But life is fr more like GOT than a Disney movie that's for sure.

But Dolly was genuinely wonderful. Most people who claim to be nice are often anything but.

I think if Dolly Parton taught us anything, it’s what matters most.

And certainly they don't watch other people's lives hoping for "karma" to strike them down.

I think self-identifying 'people pleasers' tend to be quite needy and self-absorbed. The people I have met who genuinely would do anything for anyone don't call themselves that, or hold up their 'niceness' as if waiting for a medal.
And that's why genuinely nice people actually tend to be liked. They aren't doing it to get something out of it, it's just who they are.
I have met people like that, and they are the absolute salt of the earth. People don't take the piss because they command respect, just by being decent. Not in a needy, transactional way of 'if I do this, I expect that'.

And this type of person generally speaks of school gate “cliques”, “bitches” at work and seem to be no contact with at least a handful of people.

But at the same time they are “people pleasers” and “too nice”

I also wonder if all the people who post about how shit their friends and husbands are ever realise that they may well be the common denominator 🫣

I've noticed this as well.

It's a running joke that MNers hate their husbands but it's even more true (and disturbing) that so many MNers also hate their friends.

It's like it hasn't clicked with a lot of people on here that when you're an adult you can choose to spend time with (and be in relationships with) people you actually like.