School want to trial a part time timetable after just 2 weeks at the school - WWYD?

It doesn't but the child is disabled so needs more help. My autistic son who starts school next week is probably going to take up most of the classroom TAs time and that is because is disabled. Should we lock these kids away especially as SEN schools are few and far between right now?

Well in my case, because DS has sensory problems that make everything louder, brighter and itchier which often overwhelmed him. He needed to learn to manage that with support. His autism makes him socially clueless and a target for bullying and the ADHD means that while navigating this, his brain is going 19 to the dozen and encouraging his body to do the same.

No child can be disciplined out of a neurodevelopment condition. DS has struggled from nursery onward - he was headbutting floors and walls as a toddler, because he couldn’t tolerate the noise and crowding in a childcare setting. The needs are very real and nobody is getting 1:1 because they just fancy it, or because their parents cba.

Exactly. Or some who need a scribe full time, or some non-verbal DC, or some extremely anxious DC, or…

It is so ignorant to think all DC with 1:1 have behavioural difficulties and aren’t hardworking.

You've just proved my point around ignorance

Can you not imagine how a blind, deaf or physically disabled child might need support but also be an absolute delight.

Why did your hard working, well behaved, never sets a foot wrong child need a one to one?

@Vinvertebrate spot on, DS is so bad at attention, his 1:1 who previously was mainly helping with emotional regulation now is needed to help him literally attend to the work he's supposed to be doing.

as bearable as possible? No one wants to do it? Perhaps that's why it doesn't work if you all have that attitude towards any kid that needs 1:1. They know when they're not wanted and hated. But you're right, no one wanted to 1:1 my extremely well behaved, hard working, never sets a foot wrong send child either. It certainly wasn't my child that was the issue. Just the ignorant adults with their ignorant assumptions around send.

Or the fact that children with ADHD may have the same neurodevelopmental diagnosis, but are not clones of each other.

For me, poor proprioception meant being picked last for games every time. For DS, it means being unable to cross a road safely at age 9. Lack of impulse control simply means I buy too many clothes, whereas younger DS would often lamp people who got on his nerves.

You don't need to have a negotiation - that just makes kids with ADHD think you are going to change your mind.
My DS is highly demand avoidant (this is a personality trait and I see no evidence anywhere that PDA or ODD are specific neuro disabilities and not just the extreme end of ADHD).
We give him two choices, and his expectation is that he picks one of them (maths now or maths second, set the table or clear the table) and then STOP TALKING.
Do not negotiate.
Expectations lead to immediate rewards - often screen time but also playing a game with a parent, going somewhere he wants to go etc.

I have a son like yours (same diagnoses, and in specialist). Ignore the well-meaning advice about working with the school above. Your response needs to be an absolutely flat no and a reminder that what they’re proposing is unlawful.

The way to resolve this is through the EHCP. The LA needs to revisit the refusal to fund specialist and you/they need to find a school that can meet need. I assume that’s what the current school is gearing up to.

Yes it’s shit for DS, the other kids, the teachers etc but ime the only way to get the LA to act is by making it a “them” problem. It should not be like this. It sounds as though finishing at lunchtime would make this a “you” problem and the LA would simply carry on dawdling until post-16.

fwiw DS could not write his name at age 6 and since a specialist school was found, he is working at greater depth across the curriculum. It’s not too late for your boy either.

Ok lots to unpick here.

You may need to completely remove the Xbox as a starting point.

He’ll escalate at first but it will help him to see it’s not an option instead of other options.

He can earn it through taking his medication, completing his school work.

That needs to be balanced against the fact he won’t be able to just sit and work for 6-7 hours straight because he’s ND. He’ll need movement breaks and other reasonable adjustments.

But he needs to engage in what that looks like to manage what he has to do rather than just not do it because it’s hard .

My DS is autistic and I always acknowledged how much harder he had to try than others and therefore the agreement was if he did x,y and z then he could game - and yes I’d allow it more than was probably recommended - but in all honesty he needed it because achieving socially acceptable things was (is) so draining for him he has little left afterwards.

Hormones will be playing into this a lot too and so you may find in 6-8 months some of the flair anger naturally subsides.

so I would perhaps agree with school you’ll try the PT timetable until half term but you remove the Xbox during that time and if ds starts to show willing to try and manage his adhd he can have it back half term.

Then after half term he gets it evenings only (it’s removed at bedtime) if he’s earned it. And one of those caveats is he unplugs it and hands it over at bedtime without violence. Very much like we remove phones.

You might want him in mainstream but it might be the wrong setting for him.

Like the ODD she literally mentioned in her first sentence?

Of course he is, but so are the other children in the class who are presumably being disrupted.

It's not as simple as that when you're dealing with PDA /ODD though.

It's less like normal parenting and more like needing a hostage negotiator to avoid constant power struggles and stalemates, and what worked last week may not work today.

Why are you letting him go on his X box when he hasn't done what you're asking him to? Get a smart plug, it's off till all obligations are met and that includes not being aggressive.
I'd park swearing and rudeness until you deal with violence.
Please please please do yourself a favour and look at ADHD Dude, and get his meds sorted out. He does not get to decide if he takes meds that could actually be life saving - risk of accidental death is much higher in unmedicated ADHD.

@KilkennyCats

Agreed. There are plenty of young people with ADHD who don’t swear at teachers, don’t present in such a way. They don’t tend to have family problems, it’s when you combine neurodiversity, with poor boundaries and home lives that you get the situations like the poster.

It is certainly not ableist to consider the other 29 kids in the class, I agree with you there.

Can you get him into a sport or something similar? We've experience of this and the onset of puberty was really difficult, but a boy who previously hated all team sports and refused to run in PE (would walk instead) was encouraged by the PE dept (one of whom said he recognised himself in the boy) really, really turned things around.

He's 12 now and once he's decided he isn't doing something, that's pretty much the end of the discussion.

Wow, problem right there ⬆️

Just read your update, take the x-box away altogether. No technology, far fewer battles for you in the long run. But him a trampoline and football net.

Absolutely go with the schools guidance. If he’s better in the mornings, why would you willingly keep him in to be difficult in the afternoons. And those poor other new year 7 kids. It makes sense for everyone, but is inconvenient for you I imagine.

If he's been out of school until starting secondary it makes sense for them to phase him in. Gives him a chance to adjust and then a chance to get to know him, hopefully with less of the negativity that could be caused by pushing too far too fast.

How long has he been on medication for? Is it worth asking for a review of his meds - if he's hit puberty he might need an increased dose, or benefit from taking a top up dose during the school day. You could also ask then to keep some spare meds for his morning dose so if he forgets/refuses at home, he has the option to take them later.

It sounds as if he needs a medication review. My DC is medicated (AuDHD, plus a range of other issues) and when his meds are right, he's completely functional in school.