Page 4 | School want to trial a part time timetable after just 2 weeks at the school - WWYD?

PinkPandaas · 2026-09-04T12:26:55+00:00

DS is in his second week of Year 7. He has ADHD, an EHCP and CAMHS think he has ODD as well although they won't formally diagnose it. He was permanently excluded from primary school last year and went to a PRU before starting mainstream secondary this term. It's been a difficult two weeks. Lots of refusing lessons, swearing at staff, walking out of class and generally refusing instructions. He's got a 1:1 but at the moment he's rejecting a lot of the support because he says he doesn't need a "babysitter". I've had a meeting with school today and they've suggested trialling a part-time timetable for a few weeks. They want him in every morning, then I'd collect him at lunchtime. They said they've noticed he seems much more settled in the mornings and most of the serious incidents are happening in the afternoons. Their thinking is that if he can finish each day on a positive note it might help him build up to full days. Part of me understands the logic. The other part of me is worried it's just teaching him that if he refuses enough or struggles enough he gets to come home early. His primary school and the PRU used to send him home a lot to "calm down" and looking back I sometimes wonder if he learnt that kicking off meant going home. I'm also worried about what it means long term. Is this the start of them deciding mainstream isn't going to work? Or is it actually a sensible way of helping him settle? I'm really torn because I want to work with the school, but I don't want to make things worse by agreeing to something that isn't actually helping him.

x2boys · 05/09/2026 14:39

KilkennyCats · 05/09/2026 10:38

Strange. My friend has two young adult children with ADHD who are medicated, but otherwise fine. Very high achieving, social, talented kids.
I’d wonder if there’s something else going on with op’s ds. Swearing at teachers and storming out of lessons certainly suggests so.

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Its a spectrum disorder and affects differrent people differently.

x2boys · 05/09/2026 14:36

PeopleWatching17 · 05/09/2026 10:25

Of course he is, but mainstream school might not be the place for him. I’m all for inclusion - I worked with SEND children for thirty years - but it can’t be at the expense of the other children’s learning.

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I agree but there isnt enough specialist funding
So then what?

UnbeatenMum · 05/09/2026 14:26

If the medication isn't doing much can you try something else? Medikinet didn't work for my 15yo at all but she's doing well on Elvanse.

Missing weeks and weeks of afternoons is potentially going to make it harder to understand what's going on in those subjects if/when he does go back so I think I would make sure they're definitely doing everything in his EHCP first before agreeing to part time.

It sounds like he might cope better in specialist though. It doesn't mean he can't get GCSEs or go on to mainstream college, there are lots of different options out there.

Loulou4022 · 05/09/2026 14:21

Schools want kids in school! So to be suggesting this so early on they must have grave concerns about his behaviour. He obviously cannot cope with full days and his behaviour is screaming that. They won’t want him on a reduced timetable for long.
This comes down to needs versus wants. If he had no additional needs then yes I would say he ‘wanted’ to come home early, however he has some quite extensive needs based on what you’ve said so he ‘needs’ to come home early.
Forcing him to stay in the school at the moment is not going to have any positive results, for either your child or his peers!!!

Warmlight1 · 05/09/2026 14:08

SmolTiny · 04/09/2026 14:35

Well that plan won't work because he won't grow out of ADHD.
Sounds like he has PDA too.
Is he medicated for his ADHD?

Stamina can increase though as the child matures.

avonleabonbon · 05/09/2026 13:57

Until you engage with why he has an x-box and can watch TV instead of work, you are part of the problem. He’s violent, swears at authority and dominates the home. He’s going to be bell as news when he’s older unless you crack down soon. Why is he living the good life with tech (that cannot be good for him) when he’s not doing what he’s told??

Starlight7080 · 05/09/2026 13:46

PinkPandaas · 05/09/2026 10:58

A few people have said if he comes home at lunchtime he could just do his school work here instead.

If I'm honest I already know that won't happen. He'll want to go straight on the Xbox or sit watching TV. I could tell him 100 times that he has to do the work first and it would just turn into another argument. He'd refuse, say he'll do it later, tell me to leave him alone or just completely ignore me.

That's part of what worries me about agreeing to it. I don't think he'd see it as "I'm coming home because this is part of a plan to help me get back to full time." I think he'd see it as "I only have to do half a day."

At the PRU they did sometimes send work home if he'd left early and it very rarely got done. Not because I didn't try, but because I simply couldn't make him do it. He's 12 now and once he's decided he isn't doing something, that's pretty much the end of the discussion.

I just don't want to end up in a situation where he's only doing mornings at school and then learning absolutely nothing in the afternoons at home because I know that's realistically what would happen.

Ok well internet gets turned off.
He is 11 nearly 12 if you dont regain that power now then you will have a much bigger problem in a few years.
Also how do expect the school to get him to do anything and not be violent or disruptive if you cant? Even for a couple of hours to do some work.
It has to be all of you on the same page. Not just you hoping they will fix things.

drspouse · 05/09/2026 13:31

Arran2024 · 05/09/2026 13:07

This boy is already violent towards his mother - you genuinely think this is going to work?

I know a lot of families with boys like this (i am an adopter) and frankly it is damage limitation.

OP you need to get him into specialist provision ASAP.

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This is exactly what we did with my DS who WAS violent towards me.
He isn't any longer.
It works.
You do get an escalation while they realise you are serious.
You just keep warning them "you are doing your maths... remember your expectation is no kicking... When you've done that it's X box time"

I imagine I have a much clearer idea of what this mum is dealing with than you do. We are also adopters with two DCs with ADHD.

JJWT · 05/09/2026 13:08

PinkPandaas · 05/09/2026 10:58

A few people have said if he comes home at lunchtime he could just do his school work here instead.

If I'm honest I already know that won't happen. He'll want to go straight on the Xbox or sit watching TV. I could tell him 100 times that he has to do the work first and it would just turn into another argument. He'd refuse, say he'll do it later, tell me to leave him alone or just completely ignore me.

That's part of what worries me about agreeing to it. I don't think he'd see it as "I'm coming home because this is part of a plan to help me get back to full time." I think he'd see it as "I only have to do half a day."

At the PRU they did sometimes send work home if he'd left early and it very rarely got done. Not because I didn't try, but because I simply couldn't make him do it. He's 12 now and once he's decided he isn't doing something, that's pretty much the end of the discussion.

I just don't want to end up in a situation where he's only doing mornings at school and then learning absolutely nothing in the afternoons at home because I know that's realistically what would happen.

Why are you allowing access to an Xbox?? In my experience with ND child this winds them up so much. Also no xbox is a natural consequence of swearing at teachers, surely? Of course getting to go home early is an incentive if you let him have screen time. No phone, either. Adhd children do not have to be violent, aggressive, etc. He CAN help it. Anyone saying he can't help it is letting him down. And letting down the other 29 children who's education is being trashed. The meds is non negotiable. More effective when taken consistently. If you don't think the impact of the meds is enough, get the dose adjusted. Yes I am an adhd and nd parent of more than one volatile boy. Very firm consistent consequences are essential. I was still turning their phone and/or xbox off via an app at 16 if they misbehaved, eg got a school app behaviour notification, etc. You are raising an adult. That's the end goal. That primary school aged child who was excluded will gain maturity, and that maturity must be channelled into making better choices via application of consequences. Next time he assaults you, call the police. (Yes i have). You might be pleasantly surprised at the effect that has on his decisions to hit you or not in the future. You're already worried he's going to end up in prison, aren't you? This is the moment to pivot away from that by having him really feel the consequences of his behaviour. Tough love time.

Arran2024 · 05/09/2026 13:07

drspouse · 05/09/2026 11:13

You don't need to have a negotiation - that just makes kids with ADHD think you are going to change your mind.
My DS is highly demand avoidant (this is a personality trait and I see no evidence anywhere that PDA or ODD are specific neuro disabilities and not just the extreme end of ADHD).
We give him two choices, and his expectation is that he picks one of them (maths now or maths second, set the table or clear the table) and then STOP TALKING.
Do not negotiate.
Expectations lead to immediate rewards - often screen time but also playing a game with a parent, going somewhere he wants to go etc.

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This boy is already violent towards his mother - you genuinely think this is going to work?

I know a lot of families with boys like this (i am an adopter) and frankly it is damage limitation.

OP you need to get him into specialist provision ASAP.

PaperPanama · 05/09/2026 13:04

PinkPandaas · 05/09/2026 10:58

A few people have said if he comes home at lunchtime he could just do his school work here instead.

If I'm honest I already know that won't happen. He'll want to go straight on the Xbox or sit watching TV. I could tell him 100 times that he has to do the work first and it would just turn into another argument. He'd refuse, say he'll do it later, tell me to leave him alone or just completely ignore me.

That's part of what worries me about agreeing to it. I don't think he'd see it as "I'm coming home because this is part of a plan to help me get back to full time." I think he'd see it as "I only have to do half a day."

At the PRU they did sometimes send work home if he'd left early and it very rarely got done. Not because I didn't try, but because I simply couldn't make him do it. He's 12 now and once he's decided he isn't doing something, that's pretty much the end of the discussion.

I just don't want to end up in a situation where he's only doing mornings at school and then learning absolutely nothing in the afternoons at home because I know that's realistically what would happen.

Of course he won’t do schoolwork at home. Home is an escape from school. Why would he agree to ‘contaminate’ it?

But if he can have a reduced-demand timetable at school, part of that could eventually be doing schoolwork, whether classwork or homework, while he is at school.

This is not a problem that will be resolved in one change. It will take time. He needs to learn to trust that he will be safe and not suddenly have demands dumped upon him. He needs to develop a relationship with his 1:1, and with other staff.

The priority right now is not GCSEs. It is simply attending school and engaging with school.

Another priority right now is your safety and peace of mind, and that of other family members. Your ds is currently an almost permanent state of hyper-alert flight or fight. Making school less challenging for him may help make home life less challenging.

Toomanyminifigs · 05/09/2026 12:52

OP - if you haven't already, please take a look at the Ipsea website. They are a charity which offers free advice and support to people in your position. I know it's hard to find the time but it's vital that you familiarise yourself with the law around SEN.

Sadly, it is quite common for some local authorities and schools to act unlawfully. Ipsea also runs a helpline. It can be hard to get through so you may have to try every day.

Info: https://www.ipsea.org.uk/Pages/Category/get-support

Helpline: https://www.ipsea.org.uk/call-in-helpline

I would also say make sure everything you discuss and agree with the school is documented eg every conversation you have with the school, you follow up with an email. This helps to create a paper trail if you need to go to a tribunal. Also keep a daily diary of his behaviour difficulties, what's happened at school etc. Again, this can be used as evidence if you need to push for a specialist setting.

I would also say that it's probably worth you starting to research specalised settings now, if only to see what's out there. Now he has an EHCP, this doesn't have to be in your local authority, he may also be entitled to transport. That way, if you find somewhere you think will be better for him, you know what you are arguing for if it comes to it.

I know his EHCP is very new but do make sure it's 'fit for purpose'. Many of them are very woolly and the provision is too vague ('would benefit from speech and language...' - I would benefit from two weeks in the Caribbean but it's not going to happen!). You can call an emergency annual review if his school placement is breaking down. Again Ipsea and also SOS!SEN (another good charity) has information about how you do this.

florence1234567 · 05/09/2026 12:44

I think you should fight for a specialist school.

My son (6 years old) with AuDHD had 9 suspensions in primary school and was at serious risk of permanent exclusion.

He was also on several part-time timetables.

He will now attend a specialist school from next week.

The school is for children like him with SEMH issues arising from their autism and/or ADHD.

MrsSlocombesCat · 05/09/2026 12:35

I have a son with ASD and ADHD. They feel overwhelmed, sensory overload and that's more than likely why he acts up in the afternoon. He's exhausted.

Missingmymeds · 05/09/2026 12:23

From my understanding of my own situation with my boys ..
You don't have to agree to part time school
Firstly ,he's missing lessons while he's at home with you in the afternoon
If that works well ,school will be in no rush to increase the hours to full time ,and that is a lot of school he is missing,half of every day .
So it's quite clear to me ,the current school is the wrong environment for him
He clearly can't cope ,and the school clearly can't cope ,or they wouldn't be suggesting half a day at home
Plus you would be doing the schools job for them .. managing him at home half a day,..and they would send work which you would be expected to make him complete.
Totally unfair of the school to suggest this ,and I believe unlawful,
He is entitled to a full time education
Half a day is not a full time education
Things going so badly wrong this early on .
In your shoes I would call an emergency annual review..I'd also start looking at special schools and start visiting them

Vinvertebrate · 05/09/2026 12:12

MrHankyTheChristmasPoo2 · 05/09/2026 11:58

You’re still missing the point. Disabled children should have equal rights.
If other children aren’t being allowed to learn due to constant disruption then their needs are not being met, either.

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That’s true. So how about haranguing the LA’s to comply with their legal obligation to find the disabled child a suitable school place outside mainstream? There are vanishingly few SEND parents who actively want their child to be the class pariah - but we’re not wizards, and we can’t pull specialist placements out of our arse.

Samysungy · 05/09/2026 12:07

PinkPandaas · 05/09/2026 10:58

A few people have said if he comes home at lunchtime he could just do his school work here instead.

If I'm honest I already know that won't happen. He'll want to go straight on the Xbox or sit watching TV. I could tell him 100 times that he has to do the work first and it would just turn into another argument. He'd refuse, say he'll do it later, tell me to leave him alone or just completely ignore me.

That's part of what worries me about agreeing to it. I don't think he'd see it as "I'm coming home because this is part of a plan to help me get back to full time." I think he'd see it as "I only have to do half a day."

At the PRU they did sometimes send work home if he'd left early and it very rarely got done. Not because I didn't try, but because I simply couldn't make him do it. He's 12 now and once he's decided he isn't doing something, that's pretty much the end of the discussion.

I just don't want to end up in a situation where he's only doing mornings at school and then learning absolutely nothing in the afternoons at home because I know that's realistically what would happen.

Remove the Xbox wires and the TV wires....then he earns them back once he has done his work.

No work = no xbox or TV. Simple.

MrHankyTheChristmasPoo2 · 05/09/2026 11:58

DontBuyAnotherBook · 05/09/2026 11:30

It doesn't but the child is disabled so needs more help. My autistic son who starts school next week is probably going to take up most of the classroom TAs time and that is because is disabled. Should we lock these kids away especially as SEN schools are few and far between right now?

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You’re still missing the point. Disabled children should have equal rights.
If other children aren’t being allowed to learn due to constant disruption then their needs are not being met, either.

KilkennyCats · 05/09/2026 11:47

Vinvertebrate · 05/09/2026 11:30

Well in my case, because DS has sensory problems that make everything louder, brighter and itchier which often overwhelmed him. He needed to learn to manage that with support. His autism makes him socially clueless and a target for bullying and the ADHD means that while navigating this, his brain is going 19 to the dozen and encouraging his body to do the same.

No child can be disciplined out of a neurodevelopment condition. DS has struggled from nursery onward - he was headbutting floors and walls as a toddler, because he couldn’t tolerate the noise and crowding in a childcare setting. The needs are very real and nobody is getting 1:1 because they just fancy it, or because their parents cba.

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Thank you.

Terfarina · 05/09/2026 11:47

This sounds so stressful for both you and DS, I really feel for you.

i would be inclined to follow the school advice. Not least because it is good to model compliance with the school in front of DS. As and when he’s got that bit working well you could build up to full time.

early puberty is really tough on a lad. My adhd son had this and the hormone swings etc were so difficult for him to manage, he didn’t know what to do with himself. Sadly, he eventually ended up being asked to leave school fir a different reason & go to a PRU. Now 23, he’s chilled out and wonderful, about to start at uni.

fir us, it was a Ricky road til about age 20 but he’s a wonderful adult. Good luck x

PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice · 05/09/2026 11:45

PensionPTake · 04/09/2026 17:04

Hmm! It's fine if you and he want to do this (they can't make you) and as other posters have said it must be short term with a plan to return to full time. I wouldn't accept unless they give you the full plan now so you can see when he will be back full time. What does he want? Sometimes 1:1 just doesn't work for older students as it makes them stand out from their peers and they dislike that so won't use the support anyway.

if he as full time 1:1 why does he need to come home? They could literally do anything with him in the afternoon in school, work in the library or whatever.

his old school and PRU should not have sent him home to cool off, that's unlawful exclusion.

Maybe he wouldn’t do these things? Having a one-to-one arrangement doesn’t just make everything fine. Maybe he was being disruptive.

MILLYmo0se · 05/09/2026 11:38

PinkPandaas · 05/09/2026 09:31

The LA looked at specialist placements when his EHCP was being done and basically said they didn't think his needs were severe enough for a specialist school. Their view was he'd manage in mainstream with the EHCP and a 1:1. His EHCP was only actually finalised at the end of July so this has all happened very quickly really.

He is on medication for his ADHD. Getting him to take it is a battle in itself because some mornings he just refuses it or says he'll have it later and then won't. But even when he does take it, if I'm honest it doesn't make a massive difference. It maybe helps him sit still a bit more but the anger, refusing, swearing and arguing are all still there and that's the bit that worries me.

He's 12 now and has already hit puberty. He's got a deep voice, he's one of the tallest in his year already and he's much bigger than a lot of the other Year 7s. That's what scares me because if he's behaving like this now, what is he going to be like in 3 or 4 years? I hate even thinking it but I genuinely worry he'll end up getting himself arrested one day because he reacts first and thinks afterwards.

A few people have mentioned PDA but CAMHS don't think that's what it is. They've always said ADHD with oppositional traits rather than PDA.

He's exactly the same at home as he is at school really. Sometimes there's an obvious trigger and sometimes there isn't one that I can see. One minute he'll be fine and then he'll suddenly be shouting and swearing because I've asked him to turn the Xbox off or brush his teeth. Other times he just seems to wake up in a bad mood and everything becomes an argument. He's hit me a few times as well over the last couple of years. Nothing that's ever needed medical attention but he's shoved me, punched my arm, kicked me before.

That's why I'm finding this so hard. It isn't just school behaviour, it's everywhere.

Have there been medication reviews around changing the type of medication or dosage?

Vinvertebrate · 05/09/2026 11:37

DontBuyAnotherBook · 05/09/2026 11:33

If you don't like the thought of that campaign to make EHCPs easier to get and more SEN places.

Yes this. Or let Labour crack on with stripping children’s legal rights away, and watch the fireworks as schools are ordered to accommodate every disregulated ND child in the land alongside the MS children with no extra resources. I predict many irate parents and teacher burnout/resignations.

Octavia64 · 05/09/2026 11:37

Adhd and puberty isn’t a great combination op.

my dd really struggled at that point.

you’ve really got two options here, agree in the hope it will help him cope and stay in lessons or don’t agree and school will go down the detentions/suspension route (which will provide more evidence that this placement isn’t working).

DontBuyAnotherBook · 05/09/2026 11:33

If you don't like the thought of that campaign to make EHCPs easier to get and more SEN places.