I think people hate me and I think I know why

Do smiley face excercises and ot might lift your face a bit

I’ve never thought of it like this but you’re spot on.

Have you tried DBT? Not a talking therapy but looks to support you in emotion regulation, negative pattern recognition etc. You can usually get a free group course (you do a course to learn the techniques) via the NHS if you check your GP website? You can usually self-refer?

By DD has been doing one and it has been really helpful for her (AuDHD with significant emotional dysregulation and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria [RSD]).

I’d also look at RSD on line and follow links to techniques and tools to manage it, as what you describe sounds like you assuming YOU were being rejected, when maybe mum just wanted to get her DS into school having noticed it was getting late. It’s easy to attribute other people’s actions and behaviours to ourselves but life has finally taught me that we are mere blips on their radar and don’t have any significance to them at all.

Very unlikely people hate you. Most people will be ambivalent toward you at best - no one is that interesting to others :)

When I read your interaction with your ds, Fred and Fred's Mum, I thought it was starting primary. When I realised it was secondary, I winced. Give your ds a bit of credit for not snapping at you there and walking off with Fred!

What Fred's mum was probably thinking was something along the lines of "oh good, he's met a friend, now they'll go in together and we can walk in for coffee - I'm glad as I don't know many people either."

Then rather than you thinking similarly, you dismissed her and sent them on, so she's probably thinking you don't like Fred and hoping ds makes new friends.

Try and phrase things positively.
"That's a great photo. Can I get one of you on your own, ds? Then we can walk in together."

From your post it seems like you possibly need to put school mum friendships on the back burner and focus on whether your negativity could be affecting your DS. If the lads were having a good time together it would have been more appropriate to wait until they moved apart themselves rather than awkwardly calling your son away. Putting him down when he was smiling wasn't fair on him either. I don't think botox is the answer.

Do not agree with this at all. I am relatively well balanced and I find it tedious that I am expected to put up with inconsistency and someone being a dick because I am chilled.
I will only tolerate so much because I am well balanced. I will not spend time with someone who is unpleasant just to take one for the team.
People who tolerate the bad behaviour of others are often people pleasers with their own issues.
Well balanced people have boundaries built in, I can sense trouble a mile off and back off immediately. I have no time for it.

EMDR is proven to help even if you don’t want to spend ages talking. It’s quite physical and gets to the root safely helping smooth out extreme emotional reactions. I found it very helpful. Not perfect but edges smoothed I think.

Thats not really true. Of course you can retrain the muscles of your face. People do it all the time when learning a new language. OP could absolutely decide to retrain herself from resting bitch face to welcoming and open face.

I’m a bit confused. What did you do wrong this morning?

I think you are more likely to come over as tense or hard to read, rather than moody. You seem to have a loud internal monologue going on which might distance you from other people.
It doesn't sound as if you did anything wrong re Fred and his mum, BTW. She may not have given it another thought.

why couldn’t you smile like that this morning?

11 year old me would have felt sad and unsupported if my mum had said that on my first day of secondary school.

Who cares if they don't like you, just be polite say hello if they say it to you and keep walking. Who'd want friends as shallow as that. Just get on with your own life. My friend/land lady has a friend that cant stand me for whatever reason, I certainly don't lose sleep over it, I just ignore her,why would I want to get into conversation with someone that doesn't like me

I can't understand why you were walking your son to secondary school? Wouldn't he have been embarrassed?

It’s the fact that I haven’t led a sheltered life that helps me recognise it for what it is.

What on earth? My DD was always sulky on photos for me and smiling for others - too right I would point it out to her! You don’t sound like you were rude to your son at all, just having a bit of a joke with him.

Tbh OP I think you’re overthinking this encounter. I think Fred’s mum was the rude one, yanking Fred away and saying she wanted a photo here. It’s perfectly ok for you to want a photo of your DS with Fred and then on his own. If you overthink too much it will make you cautious and anxious. Just try to be relaxed, pleasant and friendly with people, I know it can be hard. A smile goes a long way though.

And yet several posters have said that seeing someone berate a child who is probably nervous on his first day at secondary for being insufficiently smiley would make them back off.

Have you considered you might be neurodivergent? You can start with simple quizzes online for autism and ADHD - if either/both of those resonate, you can research further and speak to your GP.

Lots of women are getting diagnosed in adulthood now cos of greater awareness about how neurodivergence presents in females, so girls have been massively under-diagnosed in the past. This may or may not apply to you, but no harm in finding out.

There’s nothing to suggest the OP is outwardly demonstrating any types of behaviour that would make others ‘tread carefully’ around her.

She is describing what she is feeling in her head.

Which I can see is classic worrying, overthinking and anxiety, when you’re obsessing over other people’s perception of if you’re coming across in a negative way, when in reality they don’t notice anything negative at all.

Agreed!

Some people must lead very sheltered lives if they think the OP was being rude or nasty to her son with that comment.

The OP is already severely anxious and fretting about her interactions, so it is extremely unhelpful to try and make her feel guilty over a completely normal and lighthearted comment between mother and son.

Honestly it can be a bit exhausting being around people so sensitive to rejection/overthinking every interaction. I have a friend like this and much as I love her, I find myself having to tread so carefully around her because she will seize on totally insignificant things and create a narrative around them that involves her being left out or disliked. I have to weigh my words carefully a lot of the time.

All sounds fine you wanted a separate picture she wanted a separate picture. You went off with the other mums to get coffee, did Fred's mum follow eventually or did she need to leave? Why do you think she hates you? You and her are not joined at the hip and it doesn't sound like you were rude anyway. I would have assumed it was a joke that your son wouldn't pose nicely for a picture at home typical kids really. I think you are catastrophising trivial things.

Yes I can recognise these traits too.

You can absolutely practice a ‘friendly face’ in the mirror. And tone of voice.
my mum has a lot of childhood trauma and a grumpy face but she actually does have her ‘meeting people friendly face and tone’ which is actually very different to her default at home. I actually spoke to her about it and she said it is an actual effort but she has to do it or she would have no friends and not go anywhere.

It was a shitty thing to do, maybe not ‘rude’ as such but it was certainly nasty to have a go at him like that. Some parents regard this kind of thing normal though, perhaps you are one of them?

You really don't sound like you did anything wrong. I expect Fred's mum wanted a photo of him on his own as well which is why she moved on and I expect you two are not really friends but your children are.

I think you're probably suffering from anxiety that no one likes you and I'm quite sure they're not even giving you a second thought tbh. If you hadn't said you'd wait for Fred's mum then why would you? There's a good chance she went with another set of parents she may have already known.

As for your face, well mine has always dropped into a scowl naturally but people who know me know I genuinely laugh and smile a lot and their approval is enough for me.

Smile and say hi when you see her again, ask if Fred is settling in ok and keep it very casual.

Oh and injecting botulism into your face? Not a great idea.