I think people hate me and I think I know why

RSD? Rejection sensitivity dysphoria x

To echo @PurplebudsWhitebuds , consciously putting on a smile really really works. To explain, I realised that I look totally different, sometimes even a wee bit hostile when I'm a bit stressed therefore not smiling. I am a nurse. It's not a great vibe and the recipient picks up on that vibe. I put on a smile (and feel it) .. it changes everything.

On some days at home, when I'm feeling meh, I look in the mirror and simply feel even more meh. I then smile at the mirror, and say 'who needs lipstick when I can put on a smile!', and I go out into the world .. it lifts everything including other people's reactions. I am sure you are lovely btw, because you care about this, bless you! Trust me, it soon becomes intuitive and second nature 💐 xx

I get this and hated the school run because of it. I have also been thinking that as I’m nearly 40 my face is dragging me down and I look like a miserable cow, thinking Botox might help too!
I feel like everyone else knows each other already and I don’t know whether to loiter around and look like a billy no mates or get out of there as fast as I can. I always end up doing the latter but then wonder why no one knows me. I was thrilled when DD started getting the school bus. Same for the birthday parties, no one knows me as I don’t like to approach anyone as they are already chatting in groups and they aren’t looking for any further Mum friends. I’m convinced I just give off a vibe. I spend far too long thinking it over.

I understand OP, I’m not sure we’ll ever really know the reason..,

Sometimes people with ADHD are labelled as having had childhood trauma when in fact it was the ADHD itself that caused the trauma or amplified feelings.
Depression and anxiety are common in people with untreated ADHD who are then misdiagnosed as having depression and anxiety when in fact they are just symptoms. That’s why no amount of therapy or antidepressants can help you. The ADHD brain is not necessarily lacking in serotonin, it’s lacking dopamine and norepinephrine.

Sweetie
.. i read your post twice just .take a breath. You sound lovely, thoughtful but maybe a little bit intense.

Stop fretting . You are OK.

OP, you sound exactly like me and I have ADHD inattentive type. I’m pretty sure you have it too. I couldn’t regulate my emotions well either and always had a defeatist mindset, which turns out is because my brain works differently to others and I will never be good enough for others or at times I will be too much. It sounds like you have problems with executive function too.
Your fear of being rejected and excluded is called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. When you feel a fight or flight sensation from perceived rejection. Hyper vigilance is from always feeling like you don’t fit or that there’s something wrong with you. It’s what helps you to mask and fit in better. I bet you apologise a lot too.
Do you overthink things? That’s not usually something you can control and you can’t just chill out. It’s your brain being hyperactive.
Are you impulsive?
Please do yourself a favour and do an ADHD diagnosis test online. I did and it said that it’s highly likely that I have it but to consult a professional. I did and it turned out that I definitely have it. I’m now taking medication for it and it’s really starting to help.

You don’t need to live like this, you deserve better x

Well I must be a complete bitch, then, because on DS and DD first day of secondary I waved them off at the bus stop and went back indoors 😂
On a serious note, you're overthinking. But we all do it at some point, going over certain interactions. You'll be fine.

What a load of nonsense. OP is struggling a little, first day at a new school for her son.

If you think you might come across as moody then you probably do and if you think you might have been rude, you probably were. I don't think you need any "diagnosis" from MN, you already have the answer and you really ought to do something about it if you want to have friends imo.

That’s really unfair. You are literally doing the same thing now putting her down in front of everyone reading. You are trying to make her feel small yourself!

I’m the exact same as you. My twins are in reception and I think all the parents hate me! I tried to chat to a few in nursery, which was really hard for me. And I was proud of myself! But then one mum got into a clique and didn’t really talk to me afterwards. She’s Muslim and the other ladies are too so I put it down to that. Then another mum I thought I was really friendly with was quite rude to me before the summer. I asked if I could give her my number so the kids could meet up in the summer. She gave me a dirty look, said give it to him (her husband) and walked off. It really hurt me coz I thought we got on well. It’s really hard not to overthink your interactions when you have low confidence. I’m still overthinking that last interaction. But you’re your torturing yourself! Just be yourself, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, you’re fine. If people don’t get you that’s ok.

All i see is your anxiety and overthinking. It is hard to accept but everyone has quirks and faults and the right people for you will click with you and you will become friends. I used to get worked up about these stuff now I don’t care!

@Moodymaree it seems your anxiety makes you think people think about these interactions more than just a passing thought. That didn’t seem rude what you’ve described, I think you over think rather than people hate you. Remember everyone is thinking about themselves- no one is thinking about others that much.

What’s childhood trauma got to do with putting your son down in front of his friend on his first day at school?

Does making other people feel small make you feel better about yourself?

You're just an overthinker op. Some people are, you can't change your personality just accept yourself warts and all!

As an aside agree with pp, let your secondary school dc go to school alone. Either walk or get the bus. Mums taking and dropping off then going for coffee like primary school is very unusual.

Have you considered therapy?

I think you’re overthinking this and being massively hard on yourself, OP 💖

You don’t have to be there for everyone and you’re not responsible for their moods or how they feel. Your request for a solo pic after the dual one was perfectly normal and reasonable - if the other mum did have an attitude, that’s her problem, not yours. Try and get some counselling - you can be referred through your GP, for example.

Just from my personal layman’s life experience, I get the impression you’re a very sensitive soul who reads people and situations to the minor detail (often accurately!) and feels overly responsible for the feelings of others.

It’s ok for you to say the wrong thing sometimes or be a bit awkward - you don’t have to be perfect and much of the time people are so focused on their own insecurities (you’d be surprised how many mask!) they won’t notice any minor social stumble you might make.

Look after yourself OP and be kind to yourself - you deserve it 💖 💐

How is RSD different from feeling aggrieved that somebody can't be bothered to get back to you please?

To answer your post title and question . You have social anxiety you need to work on yourself, none of this is about other people. Who in your example are unlikely to be giving you much headspace and very certainly don’t hate you. I think you need to engage properly with talking therapy rather than this.

I would try to go with the moment rather than trying to find the perfect one and controlling interactions and others.

In this example it may have worked to take photos of the two boys and not try make it some long-winded photography session. Just because your son smiled genuinely in a photo with his friend it doesn’t mean now you have to continue the entire thing by separating him from his friend. The nice photo with the friend should be sufficient and if you truly wanted one after that you can use photoshop to edit including cropping a photo.

Then you put upon yourself additional stressful thoughts about going for a coffee and wondering what this other mum is thinking.

It is intense.

Childhood trauma is something some people are able to compartmentalise when they are out and about and some have more trouble. It’s likely you fall into the latter.

Then why was it stressful? I am assuming that some elements of the first day were well planned in advance, so for example, you have known about the date for a long time. You have presumably done the journey and know how long it takes. You made sure your child went to bed at a reasonable time, that their bag was packed, their uniform ready, that you woke them up at a reasonable time, that you left home in good time.

So what were the things that made it stressful? Trying to work out what the triggers are for your anxiety might help you to deal with them by facing up to them, addressing them and assuring yourself that yes, you can actually deal with them.

I can feel your pain look up RSD that may help you understand some of your feelings and emotions XX try to stop overthinking what people may or may not think of you
Try and love yourself more hunny having a good to bounce off is helpful or a family member xx good luck

You’re overthinking all of this .
My youngest daughter ( adult ) is autistic and does exactly the same thing.
It is exhausting for me dealing with it over and over as so many interactions and messages are analysed repeatedly.
All the interactions you had that morning sound fine to me and as an another person looking on , I’d think nothing of it .
At worst I’d have thought you were maybe a bit nervous?
I wouldn’t think you were an awful person at all

It sounds rather like rejection sensitivity dysphoria

Or Fred's Mum realises the boys are moving into a new environment.

I think other people are busy, stressed ,preoccupied. selfish.
I wish people would stop diagnosing.