I think people hate me and I think I know why

That would be too easy it's what is wished for but sometimes your brain blind sides you and creeps up on you when you least expect it
You learn how to deal with the emotional eruptions although very embarrassing at the time knowing why you react the way you do and why is very helpful but many people don't know of it or understand

Because of childhood trauma which effects the natural development of the brain growth and emotions and how someone perceived rejection

I asked Google "How does RSD differ from being upset at rejection?" It gave a long answer but these are the bits that struck me:

Intensity and Proportion

• Being upset: The emotional pain matches the actual event. Losing a job or being uninvited brings sadness or anger that fits the situation.
• RSD: The pain is an "emotional tsunami" that feels sudden, severe, and completely disproportionate to what actually happened. People often describe it as feeling like a physical punch in the gut or intense physical ache.

Triggers and Perception

• Being upset: Usually triggered by clear, actual rejection or criticism from another person.
• RSD: Triggered by real rejection, minor slights, imagined disapproval, or even neutral cues—like a late text message, a short reply, or a slight pause in conversation. The brain misinterprets ordinary moments as proof of total failure or dislike.

Blimey. If people are feeling physical pain, emotional tsunamis and protracted grief at getting late or short text replies and even at pauses in conversation - something is very, very wrong. Don't care what you call it (possibly not main character syndrome, eh), they need a sense of perspective.

It's not really that hard to learn how to recognise and manage disproportionate emotional reactions. It's what CBT and DBT are for.

But the label itself doesn’t help. The labelling doesn’t give understanding. Given scientists/doctors don’t understand what causes RSD why does the label help?

And there is a difference between feeling relieved to have identified something (a label) and understanding it in a meaningful way that helps you deal with it -as opposed to being able to say to people they have to adjust because of your label.

Lastly, don’t be so condescending. I refer to myself as having “alphabet” conditions because I have so many acronyms. Don’t assume that because I don’t agree with you that I don’t come from the position of experience. I am also aware that sometimes, I would even say often, that rather than experience giving you a better understanding it prevents objectivity. By which I mean your experience, or other’s anecdotal account of their experience isn’t the same as evidence or enough to justify your blind faith in labels!

Yes, my apologies, I have come across some excellent CBT therapists who came through IAPT services, the ones who saw their training as the starting point of their learning and kept building on their skills afterwards.

But does saying "you have X condition" actually help to understand what is going on? I don't believe that it does.

Believe me, it really, really does. Trauma, BPD, depression, social anxiety and ADHD/RSD may all cause people to struggle in apparently similar ways, but as root causes they are completely different and effective treatment and management strategies look different too.

But does saying "you have X condition" actually help to understand what is going on? I don't believe that it does.

And for some people, understanding that you do not in fact know what is going on inside someone else's head and that chances are you are not on their mind at all is helpful, because it reframes the anxiety; the anxiety is just that - worry generated by your own thoughts not by a real world situation. That is understanding what is going on. What you are doing is labelling what is going on. That is helpful when it leads to you and others understanding what is going on, or if it can allow you to access help, but RSD doesn't do that. It's not in the DSM as a standalone condition and it's not recognised by doctors. So what you are doing is giving the OP another opportunity to put a barrier up for herself. Well, fine, that's her choice. But what if her issues start impacting her son? He doesn't get a choice.

So, yes, sometimes, even for people with mental health conditions saying, nicely "get a grip" is the right thing to do.

I don’t know but I get it, I can’t look people in the eye if I don’t know them well because someone once said I give everyone dirty looks when I was a teen 😭 I’ve been conscious of this ever since

But it's not clear from the OP's posts that she has made her problems everyone else's though. She's asked how to avoid coming across as 'moody' in future and said that she struggles with self regulation. Nothing about others making allowances for her.

Label or no label, she's unlikely to find an effective answer to these issues without understanding the reasons for them.

'Look no one actually cares' is not really a helpful answer when it comes to overthinking social situations 🙄. Because people do care, in the sense that extreme anxiety and social awkwardness put people off. So it's more helpful to understand why the overthinking and anxiety arise in the first place.

No, you’re missing the point; the only thing you can control is yourself. You can learn to overcome/live with/work around your feelings but if you take having a label for how you feel, or the intensity of it, in an exceptionalist manner and try to make it everyone else’s problem then that is not going to help you.

The OP sounds like she has done this. Sometimes being told that it actually doesn’t matter how you feel be side no one actually cares can be very freeing.

Perhaps those of you who have relevant and formally diagnosed conditions can also put them after your MN handle too? 😉

Neurodiverse? PDA ? look into it more. My eldest sounds a lot like that moody and anxiety and talking does not help she is pda autistic.

No, she thinks she's being thought of as moody and bring rude. Why should struggling with your child's first day at school impact on your behaviour? We've all been there, not only as children but also mums and dads.

This is not the case at all. It's an internal process not an external one, as I was clear in what I wrote.

People feel different things with different intensity. Some of us struggle in certain situations. If we identify our 'triggers' and the reasons why this is the case, we can manage our emotions better. This is hardly complicated, it's one of the reasons we get young children to name their emotions as part of learning emotional regulation.

One child arrives at a party and goes immediately and starts playing with the other children. Another child arrives at a party and is completely overwhelmed and starts having a meltdown. When I was growing up, that child would have been shouted at, told to behave and possibly smacked. Far better to teach them that they sometimes find lots of noise and people difficult and it's ok to ask to go outside or sit on the side for a bit until they feel more comfortable. If you teach them to understand and articulate this from early on, it's half the battle won. And by the time they're an adult, they understand their own needs and can avoid or cope better with difficult situations. If they don't learn this through positive interactions and support throughout childhood, it's far harder for them in adulthood when negative messages are already internalised.

It seems to me there are an awful lot of medical and mental health experts on here. I'm sure that's a good thing but it would help enormously if the experts could put their post-nominal qualifications after their MN handle, just so we know who the experts are. Those without such qualifications might just like to give an opinion and those of us that suffer with any relevant and formally diagnosed conditions can offer their experiences with said conditions. Just a thought and my opinion. Have a good day everyone 😉

It is another way - as far as I can tell - for saying “my feelings matter more than yours. My life is harder”. It may or may not be the case for various individuals but it doesn’t change the fact that the world is not going to recognize your specific “needs” so you have to learn how to address them.

OP seems to be bent on “clothing herself” in her anxiety and trauma rather than learning to work with and around them. That’s ok, but I’m not sure another label - however true - will help given what appears to be the OP’s view of them as insurmountable barriers.

I don't really get what you mean by moody, @Moodymaree . From what you say you could be seen as rude but moody, to me, means changing how you behave from one interaction to the next so people don't know what they're going to get if they engage with you but know it will generally err on the side of being miserable and a kill joy. That doesn't fit what you have told us here.
I think you more likely have pissed her off for muscling in on the occasion. You immediately hijacked her child so that you could take a photo of them both then you basically told him to get out of the way because you had finished with him. No wonder his mother "yanked" him away from you. She wanted to take a photo of her son before he had to go . She might have wanted to say a few encouraging words to him in private before the bell went. She clearly didn't appreciate your encroachment on their limited time or your involvement in their private interaction. I think it's quite likely that she hung back to get rid of you rather than that you left her. None of what you did comes across as moodiness. So I think you need to work on your social engagement and your manners and stop blaming your face for your lack of friends.

I dont think people think about you as much as you think, no i dont have intense long thoughts on school parents so dont assume they think that deeply about me

You may be the main character in your own life but not others

If i was Fred's Mum I'd be focusing on Fred,'s first day at school. Well actually i wouldn't be there at all because it's secondary school. Surely they just go on their own?

I hate it when parents make these daunting milestones about getting a perfect photo. It's just mortifying for the dc. I'd personally be wondering why you weren't just supporting your ds, why you were mean to him, making his first day about your photo and using my ds as a prop.

I wouldn't hate you for it, we're all guilty of making things about ourselves but truthfully i would have those feelings. I probably wouldn't show it beyond deciding to protect Fred from it.

I do think you sound dysregulated though. I think you need to get some help.

So we all face moments of criticism and rejection in life, that's unavoidable. But RSD isn't simply the emotional feelings of disappointment and hurt that might result from normal life events, it goes beyond that to include extreme responses that are almost physical in nature.

As a child, I can remember being told off or criticised in a mild manner and I'd feel panic, breathlessness and a sharp pain in my chest. I couldn't speak or I'd burst into tears. I'd feel hot, embarrassed and overwhelmed and like I physically had to get out of there. I'd quite often end up hyperventilating. The verdict...I was too 'sensitive' and 'over emotional' 🙄.

Now you might say that people can't go through life expecting others to pussyfoot around them (which is absolutely true), but the point of recognising RSD if it applies isn't to demand that others moderate their behaviour towards you imo, it's to recognise this unhelpful neural activity in yourself before it begins and short circuit it if possible. Even just knowing what is happening to you and why can have an instant calming effect.

This is sensible advice

She probably picked up on your stress. What was it you found so stressful ? If it was, why were you faffing around taking pictures?
Why are you taking kids to secondary school ?
Maybe try another sort of therapy?

@Moodymaree

This.

Although, just to add, that the training and skills development us IAPT therapists get after qualifying, does then broaden our skill set further, but it really is a bit of a therapist lottery in terms of approaches/presentations we are better at working with.

EMDR, DBT, an emotional coping skills course (CCC) are all worth considering.

Therapy isn’t a magic wand though, you have to be ready and willing to do the work. Lack of this is always the barrier that blocks therapy being affective.

ND can make some aspects harder, but mindset matters more. Sometimes people fear the change, and what it may bring, more than they do the problem they are wanting to change.

Or you could get some Botox, but nothing will really change, not for long.

I just googled rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I have that and assumed everyone does!

i - genuinely - just thought it was part of being human. It sucks to feel left out or criticised or socially rejected and I try make sense of it and move on. I don’t always move on and ruminate but have learnt there is no point doing that

do some people not have this?! Are they not just sociopaths?

Hi OP,
Your post resonates with me.
I am quiet with low self confidence from childhood, resting bitchface, I’m highly strung, emotional and have OCD. Therapy has never worked for me either!

I try and hide it on school run. I make sure i have an extra 10 minutes in case something goes wrong or i forget something.
Im not sure how old you are but as i’ve gotten older (in my 40s) , i don’t try to fit into school mum groups as it’s too hard to maintain and it’s not worth worrying about.
As long as your son is well looked after and has everything he needs for school honesty who cares about what some people think? You can’t please everyone or be everyone cup of tea.
Dont worry about these minor interactions too much. Everyone kicks themselves over some thing they said or did, it’s human nature. Honestly, don’t be too hard on yourself.