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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

989 replies

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 08:58

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 05/09/2026 16:48

SilverTotoro · 05/09/2026 15:21

I’m sorry but it’s their dog the only way anyone could ever justify keeping a dog in this set of circumstances is if they thought it would be mistreated if returned. Your sister trusted you and you’re letting her and her children down at one of the hardest points in their lives.

It’s exactly the opposite. The OP explicitly told her sister that she would only take the dog if this was to be a permanent arrangement and she explained why. Good reasons, too. It’s the sister that’s reneging on the agreement.

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 16:37

PrettyPickle · 05/09/2026 15:26

Upset that people like you are making it into something that it isn't

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is that really what you believe? Is that how you would react if a sibling wrote something like that about you? "Oh it's out of context"?

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2026 16:35

This reply has been deleted

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You mean like rushing to pick her and her kids up in the middle of the night and not getting everyone back to hers until 2am? That's exactly what she has done.

Maybe read the updates.

wombatboymom2 · 05/09/2026 16:28

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TemporarilyCantDoMyself · 05/09/2026 16:15

How's your sister doing, @WatchTheStormTouchDown ? Is she still at yours having a meltdown? I'm not using 'meltdown' pejoratively, just as shorthand for your update. Hope she's ok. 💐

catlover123456789 · 05/09/2026 16:10

He's your dog now. They can get their own dog.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2026 16:03

SilverTotoro · 05/09/2026 15:21

I’m sorry but it’s their dog the only way anyone could ever justify keeping a dog in this set of circumstances is if they thought it would be mistreated if returned. Your sister trusted you and you’re letting her and her children down at one of the hardest points in their lives.

OP's sister gave her the dog knowing that it would be permanent. I'm not sure what trust has got to do with it as OP hasn't gone against anything that was agreed? OP is simply continuing with the agreement.

MsSquiz · 05/09/2026 15:33

mugglewump · 04/09/2026 09:46

YABVU. They chose him, raised him from a pup and love him as much as you do and possibly more. They are also a broken family who needs their dog.

Not a dog, their dog; an important member of their family for 3 years.

The kids are having to adapt to being back in the UK without their father, and your sister must be really struggling too. I don't see how you claim the dog has irrevocably settled into your home in 7 months, yet your nieces and nephews can just adjust to being back in the UK without their dad or their dog and be absolutely fine. Those children have trauma and need their dog.

They also chose to leave the dog behind when they moved. Not what I would do with an “important member of the family”
the sister only wants the dog back because their plans have changed, she didn’t come back for the dog.

you don’t get to hand your dog over to someone else and then ask for them back because your plans have changed! It’s a dog, not a sofa!

PrettyPickle · 05/09/2026 15:28

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 05/09/2026 14:40

This. Abominably selfish of you OP

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They could have taken the dog with them, they chose to give it (legally) to the OP. It was their choice. She is now back and wants its back but she is a newly single mum, needs to work and has two kids and is financially struggling - the sister doesn't have the capacity at the moment to look after the dog, regardless of what she thinks.

Anyt he sister is saying she now wants to go back to her husband - what happens to the dog then??? The poor thing.

PrettyPickle · 05/09/2026 15:26

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 13:59

Well OP's sister has all the context.

I wonder how she would feel if she came across this thread and read OP's comments about her.

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Upset that people like you are making it into something that it isn't

SilverTotoro · 05/09/2026 15:21

I’m sorry but it’s their dog the only way anyone could ever justify keeping a dog in this set of circumstances is if they thought it would be mistreated if returned. Your sister trusted you and you’re letting her and her children down at one of the hardest points in their lives.

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 14:54

BMW58 · 05/09/2026 14:02

The OP hasn't slagged off her sister at all.

"It isn’t my fault that the decisions my sister makes don’t prioritise her children and dog".

OneHardyRobin · 05/09/2026 14:53

OneNewEagle · 04/09/2026 14:50

Every dog has a person. Either your sister or her husband is that person for that dog.

if it is your sister you are being unbelievably cruel and the dog needs to be back with his owner/mum/person.

Its clearly not the sister who was barely acknowledged by the dog when she visited and refused to go on a walk with her without OP’s husband coming too!

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 05/09/2026 14:40

mugglewump · 04/09/2026 09:46

YABVU. They chose him, raised him from a pup and love him as much as you do and possibly more. They are also a broken family who needs their dog.

Not a dog, their dog; an important member of their family for 3 years.

The kids are having to adapt to being back in the UK without their father, and your sister must be really struggling too. I don't see how you claim the dog has irrevocably settled into your home in 7 months, yet your nieces and nephews can just adjust to being back in the UK without their dad or their dog and be absolutely fine. Those children have trauma and need their dog.

This. Abominably selfish of you OP

BuildbyNumbere · 05/09/2026 14:28

BreatheAndFocus · 04/09/2026 18:33

Yes, the OP says her sister is not coping. That’s the OP who wants to keep her sister’s dog. What does the sister say? And ‘not coping’ could simply be normal upset and shock at the end of her marriage, not being incapable.

The OP has offered the sister to move in with her, she says. But the sister hasn’t agreed to that. Elsewhere the OP has said the sister hasn’t prioritised her children. That’s a big accusation - and we have no idea if it’s correct at all. In fact, maybe she desperately clu g on to her marriage and the move abroad to try to maintain stability for her children.

If the sister is so incapable, so chaotic, so pathetic, then why do the whole family think she should have her dog back? I imagine it’s because the planned move didn’t properly happen, the sister was only gone a brief time, the sister has escaped from a crap situation - and OP is being selfish keeping a dog that’s not hers.

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The family want her to have the dog to cheer her up … they are not thinking long term or of the welfare of the dog … just a quick fix, which is so very common and probably why dog rehoming centres are so full. Likely where this dog would have ended up had the OP not taken it in … had that happened the sister would have never seen the dog again, let alone get it back.

Hildegard25 · 05/09/2026 14:11

BMW58 · 05/09/2026 14:02

The OP hasn't slagged off her sister at all.

This.

She has come across as a kind loving thoughtful person, and is now taking care of her Sister.
She is also making sure that the dog will not suffer because of the dynamics of the situation.

BMW58 · 05/09/2026 14:02

The OP hasn't slagged off her sister at all.

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 13:59

PrettyPickle · 05/09/2026 13:09

Rubbish! She has to look after her own family but she is actively supporting her sister, through emotional heartbreak, you are taking stuff out of context

If sister says her kids now need the dog, well she didn't reach that same conclusion when she gave up ownership of the dog 7mths ago, when she handed ownership of the dog over. They could have taken the dog with them, they did not.

The OP is prioritising the welfare of her kids and dog now because they are attached to the dog and being reasonable, her sister already has too much on her plate without adding a dog to the mix and in the future, I am sure her sister will acknowledge that.

Her sister is emotionally volatile and the OP physically went and got her and her kids in the middle of the night, leaving her own family to do so,

I think people on here are vilifying the OP for stuff they are implying but in my opinion that OP has not evidenced because you are taking stuff out of context.

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Well OP's sister has all the context.

I wonder how she would feel if she came across this thread and read OP's comments about her.

Hildegard25 · 05/09/2026 13:53

TheRagingCrumpet · 05/09/2026 07:51

You seem determined to be right. For 3,5 years they owned him he was part of their family that has fallen apart now. Empathy is a thing not everyone has.
It isn’t great for anyone but their situation really sucks. Your family are right, he should go back. You will get over it.

Obviously you are not a dog owner, or a "doggie person".

So you would uproot a dog and confine him to being left alone in a house while children are at school and Mum (Sister) is out at work, and reliant on a dog walker. Shame on you.

You've seen that OP's sister is not in a good place at the moment and you would still advocate a return. Remember we are discussing what is best for the dog, who is not an emotional safety blanket, but a well settled, happy dog, with a loving caring family.

And reading the update, OP is a loving caring Sister, supporting her sibling through all her troubles and anxieties.

Followthesunshine · 05/09/2026 13:23

MrsBatshitRatshit · 05/09/2026 08:39

She chose a life abroad over her commitment to the dog.

Well, more precisely, she chose her relationship with her husband, her children's father, over a dog. Most normal human beings would make the same choice.

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Well clearly she made the wrong choice. And pets aren't disposeable, don't get a pet if you are going to abandon it.

PrettyPickle · 05/09/2026 13:09

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 11:47

This sounds like a loving and supportive sister?

It isn’t my fault that the decisions my sister makes don’t prioritise her children and dog. We make decisions that’s are best for our children and dogs, always have and always will

Imagine going through the breakdown of your marriage and family, and this is what close family says about you.

Show quote history

Rubbish! She has to look after her own family but she is actively supporting her sister, through emotional heartbreak, you are taking stuff out of context

If sister says her kids now need the dog, well she didn't reach that same conclusion when she gave up ownership of the dog 7mths ago, when she handed ownership of the dog over. They could have taken the dog with them, they did not.

The OP is prioritising the welfare of her kids and dog now because they are attached to the dog and being reasonable, her sister already has too much on her plate without adding a dog to the mix and in the future, I am sure her sister will acknowledge that.

Her sister is emotionally volatile and the OP physically went and got her and her kids in the middle of the night, leaving her own family to do so,

I think people on here are vilifying the OP for stuff they are implying but in my opinion that OP has not evidenced because you are taking stuff out of context.

user1464187087 · 05/09/2026 12:17

August1980 · 04/09/2026 18:45

No, she can’t have the dog back. And no you are not buying her a dog.

outraged for the poor dog. Not sure what they do for work but my work paid for my family to travel with me including our dog! I moved to the states/uk/dubai and UK.

I suspect that there is a lot more to this sad case than one dog.

ChihuahuaChica · 05/09/2026 11:53

It would be cruel to the dog to give it back. It's bonded with your dog and your family and it was made clear at the time it was a permanent rehoming.
I'm sorry for everything your sister is going through, as I've been through it, BUT, nope, keep the poodle.
You actually sound like a great sister, from all you are willing to do in terms of supporting her and her children.

AcrossThisRoom · 05/09/2026 11:49

There are clearly some people trolling/being goady who should be ignored.

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 11:47

PrettyPickle · 05/09/2026 11:34

@WatchTheStormTouchDown You don't need other people to validate your decision, but if you did, you have it in oodles.

Your sister is in a very emotional, volatile state and simply doesn't know what to do and is grasping at straws to find some sign of happiness for her kids. You seem a loving sister, that wants to support her emotionally but will not validate and encourage bad moves that may cause her further difficulties down the line , and that is as it should be.

She is already saying she wants to go back to her husband so she is proving your point that the dog will have consistency with you.

I hope your sister finds her direction soon and despite the initial arguments over this, it sounds like she needs the very boundaries you are trying to put in place to keep her on an even keel.

This sounds like a loving and supportive sister?

It isn’t my fault that the decisions my sister makes don’t prioritise her children and dog. We make decisions that’s are best for our children and dogs, always have and always will

Imagine going through the breakdown of your marriage and family, and this is what close family says about you.

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