AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

A dog's reaction will also depend on the relationship it's had with its previous owners. Many years ago, I was contacted by someone looking to rehome a 4.5 year old Black Labrador. They'd had her for 4 years, prior to that she'd belonged to their daughter. Their tale was they were moving house, they had two Golden Retrievers and there wasn't going to be "room" for the Lab. I met the dog, I liked her, my other dogs liked her and ownership was transferred to me. On the day of the handover, the Lab wasn't in the least bit bothered when they went to leave. She didn't try to follow them, she simply climbed up on the couch. In the days and weeks that followed, she showed no signs of pining for them whatsoever, she settled in beautifully. The couple didn't ring me to see if she had settled in, to ask if she was ok, which was very telling. Infact I had my Lab for 10 years and I never heard from them again. She was the most beautiful dog too.

We have had a terrible day with every emotion possible but ultimately my sister is going back to her husband and has booked the flights. Even my parents have given up and despair that after all the trouble, she is going back to place we were told by her that she would never be happy. It is her choice though.

She has barely interacted with the dog. The children have played with him 10 minutes but gone back to their toys. Apparently they want a hamster.

My teen daughter is pissed at the whole situation so actually said to my sister ‘what about the dog, you wanted him back’. My sister said ‘I’ve decided you can keep him’. My daughter told her she is thoughtless, irresponsible and selfish. I did step in and tell her to leave it but after everything, I can’t disagree.

My husband is driving them back now as I couldn’t face it. She has caused us so much stress and is now acting like it’s all sorted. My niece and nephew seem ok. When she told them they were going back to live with daddy, the oldest one was clearly confused and said he thought they always were. I feel so sorry for them but they’re not my children and I can’t do anything.

Our dog will never be going back to them and I am stepping back from her. I’m completely drained from the last couple of months. Both dogs are cuddled up together sleeping.

We have had a terrible day with every emotion possible but ultimately my sister is going back to her husband and has booked the flights. Even my parents have given up and despair that after all the trouble, she is going back to place we were told by her that she would never be happy. It is her choice though.

She has barely interacted with the dog. The children have played with him 10 minutes but gone back to their toys. Apparently they want a hamster.

My teen daughter is pissed at the whole situation so actually said to my sister ‘what about the dog, you wanted him back’. My sister said ‘I’ve decided you can keep him’. My daughter told her she is thoughtless, irresponsible and selfish. I did step in and tell her to leave it but after everything, I can’t disagree.

My husband is driving them back now as I couldn’t face it. She has caused us so much stress and is now acting like it’s all sorted. My niece and nephew seem ok. When she told them they were going back to live with daddy, the oldest one was clearly confused and said he thought they always were. I feel so sorry for them but they’re not my children and I can’t do anything.

Our dog will never be going back to them and I am stepping back from her. I’m completely drained from the last couple of months. Both dogs are cuddled up together sleeping.

Could help me make sense of this statement?

I've known dogs that after 5 years still react like puppies when they see their original owners (I rescue, so I see re-homing a lot).

When is a rehomer ever going to witness a dog meet up with its original owner again? Especially after five years?
It's been puzzling me but there may well be a perfectly logical reason that I have missed.

This is what OP said:

One of the other options they were considering for him when they moved was some sort of a dog share among 3 sets of friends where one set had him for 2 weeks and then he would go to the next lot of friends. She’d didn’t do it but she did consider it, so I’m very justified in my comments about passing him around like a toy

Shes done nothing but criticise and judge her sister , accusing her of being awful to her dog and a bad mother.

Upset that people like you are making it into something that it isn't

Seems clear to me from the OP's latest update that she and her family were right in refusing to give the dog back, as her sister is clearly not thinking straight. It looks extremely likely now, that the sister will go back abroad with her children, and give her DH another chance, so the OP was correct to stand firm, and obviously knows her sister well.

Sometimes in a post it's hard for us to really understand what's going on, even if the OP does their best to tell us the complete story, but in this case I think the vast majority who voted that she should keep the dog were correct.

"It isn’t my fault that the decisions my sister makes don’t prioritise her children and dog".

Its clearly not the sister who was barely acknowledged by the dog when she visited and refused to go on a walk with her without OP’s husband coming too!

I’m sorry but it’s their dog the only way anyone could ever justify keeping a dog in this set of circumstances is if they thought it would be mistreated if returned. Your sister trusted you and you’re letting her and her children down at one of the hardest points in their lives.

My sisters house and garden is smaller, but not small. Our garden is huge. My sister works 3 days and her plan would be to have a dog walker take him out for 30 minutes at lunchtime but he’d be on his own the rest of those days. She’d then also have to leave him to take the kids to activities etc. She is going to be busy as a single mum and doesn’t live near us or other family.

We work from home and our dog is rarely left but he’s happy and settled when left for a couple of hours as we have cameras set up to see him. We have another dog who he adores and they’re very happy together. The both get at least 2 walks a day and a game of fetch at lunchtime. They also go swimming etc.

Literally the only sane response i've seen

I’m going against the grain and think that it’s rotten of you not to return their pet. Things change, shit happens. Get a dog of your own.

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled.

And how old is the dog? And what breed? That's completely relevant here.

I disagree with others that after 7 months a dog will be 'secure' in it's new home. I've known dogs that after 5 years still react like puppies when they see their original owners (I rescue, so I see re-homing a lot).

But honestly, regardless, I would show some compassion. She's lost her husband. Her kids have lost a dog. And the dog is their family. There are often very good reasons (as the wife of a diplomat, I have a lot of empathy for your sisters circumstances) why people leave dogs behind i.e if the climate is not suitable for them. It doesn't mean we don't care.