Page 4 | AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 2026-09-04T07:58:01+00:00

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here. My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children. When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs. My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him. My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months. We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

Lacksie · Yesterday 10:02

YouToMeAreEverythimg · Yesterday 10:00

Drip feed? See, you are still being passive aggressive. OP has given more information when asked or when things happened.

You have been unpleasant to OP and other posters, then saying you are doing it because you care.

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People are allowed to disagree with the OP. The forum is to invite discussion and different perspectives.

YouToMeAreEverythimg · Yesterday 10:00

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · Yesterday 09:52

But I never said that about OPs dog. Ever since the drip feed, I’ve agreed the dog is better with OP.

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Drip feed? See, you are still being passive aggressive. OP has given more information when asked or when things happened.

You have been unpleasant to OP and other posters, then saying you are doing it because you care.

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · Yesterday 09:52

YouToMeAreEverythimg · Yesterday 09:25

It didn’t happen with OPs dog when he saw his old owner though. He wasn’t arsed with them.

OP has been told a few times that herdog will want to be with her sister more, in quite a nasty tone by some posters, but the dog didn’t want the sister when he had chance on multiple occasions.

One of our dogs used to belong to my cousin. Our dog actually hides when my cousin visits. My cousin didn’t mistreat our dog. Our dog just has a much nicer life with us, walks in the forest, swimming in lakes, other dogs, constant company. He couldn’t care less about his old owner.

Some posters were relishing in telling OP the dog wouldn’t care about her when he saw OPs sister again and seemed to get more angry when they realised they were wrong.

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But I never said that about OPs dog. Ever since the drip feed, I’ve agreed the dog is better with OP.

Lacksie · Yesterday 09:39

Dersie · Yesterday 07:55

Why are you so angry? Do you use these kinds of platforms as a form of punch bag?
I suggest anger management therapy,
The dog was ADOPTED by OP, the sister has gone back to her husband and OP was updating the situation as and when it unfolding as we (the non angry people) were interested to find out how it went.

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I'm not angry. Why do you think that?
I think it's really awful the way OP has dragged her sister online, and that others on the thread are cheering her on.
I think there's an extraordinary lack of empathy displayed on mumsnet a lot of the time, and I'd like to be a different voice.

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 09:36

PinkyFlamingo · 05/09/2026 23:19

Why did you quote this and type agree before deciding to delete this...as seen in the edit history.

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Must admit, l wondered that too.

YouToMeAreEverythimg · Yesterday 09:26

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 09:13

You don’t think expressing ‘concern’ over my mental health is personal ? I took the time to reply to your criticism of me, as did a couple of other posters - why on earth would l have it deleted ?

I took offence, because offence was what you intended. You launched a personal attack in which you questioned my mental health and personal circumstances simply because l was taking part in the thread and engaging with the discussion. You called me rude and aggressive and suggested the moderators should remove my posts. You even accused me of using bad language when l had actually sworn, very mildly, a total of three times and descriptively, rather than directly at other posters.

And no, your comments weren’t from a ‘place of concern’, they were a public and targeted attack because you disagreed with my point of view. Can we leave it there please. I’ve no wish to derail OP’s thread any further.

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Well said.

YouToMeAreEverythimg · Yesterday 09:25

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · Yesterday 09:10

@redboxer321 Several instances.

The saddest of which was someone who had a debilitating illness. They surrendered their dog. A few years later they happened to be at the same event as their old dog, and the dog recognised them - breaking free from their new family to get to their original owner. The dog then didn’t want to return to the new family. It was incredibly distressing.

These things happen, particularly in a breed specific world where lots of us know each other and go to the same events. Many people outside of those rehoming due to their kids who re-home are re-homing for the dogs benefit (bereavement, illness) and are still involved in the world. Plus it’s regional and it’s a working breed - it’s not like Battersea where your dog could end up anywhere.

Anecdotes aside my eldest hadn’t seen DH in nearly four years due to various things happening…but when she saw him again, she recognised him instantly and it was like no time has passed.

Edited

It didn’t happen with OPs dog when he saw his old owner though. He wasn’t arsed with them.

OP has been told a few times that herdog will want to be with her sister more, in quite a nasty tone by some posters, but the dog didn’t want the sister when he had chance on multiple occasions.

One of our dogs used to belong to my cousin. Our dog actually hides when my cousin visits. My cousin didn’t mistreat our dog. Our dog just has a much nicer life with us, walks in the forest, swimming in lakes, other dogs, constant company. He couldn’t care less about his old owner.

Some posters were relishing in telling OP the dog wouldn’t care about her when he saw OPs sister again and seemed to get more angry when they realised they were wrong.

redboxer321 · Yesterday 09:25

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · Yesterday 09:10

@redboxer321 Several instances.

The saddest of which was someone who had a debilitating illness. They surrendered their dog. A few years later they happened to be at the same event as their old dog, and the dog recognised them - breaking free from their new family to get to their original owner. The dog then didn’t want to return to the new family. It was incredibly distressing.

These things happen, particularly in a breed specific world where lots of us know each other and go to the same events. Many people outside of those rehoming due to their kids who re-home are re-homing for the dogs benefit (bereavement, illness) and are still involved in the world. Plus it’s regional and it’s a working breed - it’s not like Battersea where your dog could end up anywhere.

Anecdotes aside my eldest hadn’t seen DH in nearly four years due to various things happening…but when she saw him again, she recognised him instantly and it was like no time has passed.

Edited

Thanks. And I can well believe it. Difference between the person with the debilitating illness and the OP's sister is that one sounds like a good owner and the other does not. Much of this info came later in the thread admittedly although there were clues.

Also, just an idea, when my ex and I split, it was incredibly painful. We wanted to go to the same events and we agreed that one would go one month, and the other the next. Maybe ex and new owners could use a similar system. New owner and dog go to one event, previous owner the next.

If not, then it could be argued on this point at least that general rescues actually work better than breed specific. It's not unusual for rescues to state, this dog cannot be homed in the wherever region, which seems a good idea to me.

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 09:13

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You don’t think expressing ‘concern’ over my mental health is personal ? I took the time to reply to your criticism of me, as did a couple of other posters - why on earth would l have it deleted ?

I took offence, because offence was what you intended. You launched a personal attack in which you questioned my mental health and personal circumstances simply because l was taking part in the thread and engaging with the discussion. You called me rude and aggressive and suggested the moderators should remove my posts. You even accused me of using bad language when l had actually sworn, very mildly, a total of three times and descriptively, rather than directly at other posters.

And no, your comments weren’t from a ‘place of concern’, they were a public and targeted attack because you disagreed with my point of view. Can we leave it there please. I’ve no wish to derail OP’s thread any further.

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · Yesterday 09:10

@redboxer321 Several instances.

The saddest of which was someone who had a debilitating illness. They surrendered their dog. A few years later they happened to be at the same event as their old dog, and the dog recognised them - breaking free from their new family to get to their original owner. The dog then didn’t want to return to the new family. It was incredibly distressing.

These things happen, particularly in a breed specific world where lots of us know each other and go to the same events. Many people outside of those rehoming due to their kids who re-home are re-homing for the dogs benefit (bereavement, illness) and are still involved in the world. Plus it’s regional and it’s a working breed - it’s not like Battersea where your dog could end up anywhere.

Anecdotes aside my eldest hadn’t seen DH in nearly four years due to various things happening…but when she saw him again, she recognised him instantly and it was like no time has passed.

YouToMeAreEverythimg · Yesterday 09:06

Expat here active on many expat websites. I also moderate on one. I haven’t seen this mentioned.

You’ve done the right thing OP. I hope the dog has a very happy life with you.

NewBookTime · Yesterday 08:54

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · Yesterday 08:31

I’m not picking on OP.

Yes, based off the information that was provided in the first post I did think the dog should have gone back. I no longer think that, after the very long drip feed.

I do, however, think that demonising her sister who is clearly in the midst of a very fragile state, is not fair and was unnecessary.

Both can be true. As I have said, at least once. Now twice.

Edit: and I don’t think it’s silly to be telling OP this is all over well used expat sites which her sister will see. Regardless of anything else, Ops sister is clearly struggling and it’s really cruel that no one seems to care about the fact people who know her will know immediately who it is and her ‘dirty laundry’ has been aired without her consent. If OP needed to vent, she could have done so without giving away such telling details.

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You have picked on OP and other posters. You still are.

You are desperate for OP to ask for this thread to be deleted aren’t you? I agree with a poster who said some people want it deleted due to their own behaviour on it but they’re hiding behind ‘concern’ for OPs sister. These posters have proved they’re not kind by the comments they’ve written so I don’t believe their faux concern.

Anyway, well done OP. Your sister was always going to do what she was going to. You protected your kids and your doggos.

Mooselove · Yesterday 08:54

YourDeftOliveLeader · Yesterday 08:14

She made her bed and and now you have a dog. Do not give him back

Except she didn't make her bed! She sounds like very selfish and entitled

redboxer321 · Yesterday 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You make some good points about the sister's mental health and I think it could be said that the OP is showing a lack of empathy to her situation. But this may be repeated behaviour and the OP may be burnt out by these reoccurring episodes. It's easy to be empathetic when you are not involved and haven't been involved for many years, as the case may or may not be.

But unfortunately no one is going to take anything you say seriously now because you keep insisting that you were concerned about @ThreadGuardDog's mental health. And everybody - even you - knows that you were really having a go at her.

On another note, no one has explained to me how someone who works in rescue gets to see dogs reunited with their original owners. I can think of one or two instances but I would have thought it was extremely rare.

Last thing, if I can be so bold, I'd like to suggest a new name for @Ilovelurchers How about: I love lurchers (but I wouldn't act in their best interests if it meant upsetting another human being)

NewBookTime · Yesterday 08:49

I’ve just read the whole thread.

Whether OPs sisters behaviour is due to a current marriage issue or a mental health issue doesn’t really matter now. OP has been proven to be correct in the decision she made for the dog because her sister can not provide a stable home for the dog. OP recognised this early on and made a good decision to say no to her sister. She has no control over what her sister does. She tried to offer support for her to stay here but she has chosen to go back abroad. OP has acted responsibly from beginning to end.
OP doesn’t have to keep putting her sister above herself, her children or the doggo even if it’s a mental health issue. It’s good that she is prioritising herself and her children and the doggo.

Some people have been awful making things up and bullying saying OP forced her to give her the dog and she’s a bad sister, calling her a cunt, a liar, telling her she doesn’t love her sister, questioning her parenting, but it’s mumsnet so these bullying arseholes are common. The majority think you’re right OP.

Enjoy your doggos OP and just to counteract the people telling you you’re terrible, I think you and your family sound lovely and kind.

He’s a lucky, lucky doggo to have you. If only all doggos could have such a loving home with so much company and another doggo companion.

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · Yesterday 08:36

Pearlstillsinging · 04/09/2026 09:24

I would offer to fund sister getting a new dog, on the understanding that no matter what happens she will never rehome it.

Don’t be ridiculous!

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · Yesterday 08:31

AcrossThisRoom · Yesterday 08:22

You wanted OP to give the dog back. OP recognised this wasn’t the best thing for the dog or her sister because she wasn’t thinking straight and wasn’t settled.

Explain how giving the dog back like you insisted would have been best for the dog or would have been good for OPs sisters mental health. What do you think would have happened to the dog when she decided that she didn’t want him and was leaving?

OPs actions have proven to be correct. You can’t admit you were wrong but worse, you are now continuing to pick at OP which is verging on bullying. You aren’t concerned about anything except you have made yourself look silly and for some reason you think that continuing to dig your heels in is a good way to go. It’s not. You should step away from OPs thread.

Chaos needs boundaries and the op sounds like they’ve behaved appropriately and perfectly.

I agree. OP has done everything right imo.

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I’m not picking on OP.

Yes, based off the information that was provided in the first post I did think the dog should have gone back. I no longer think that, after the very long drip feed.

I do, however, think that demonising her sister who is clearly in the midst of a very fragile state, is not fair and was unnecessary.

Both can be true. As I have said, at least once. Now twice.

Edit: and I don’t think it’s silly to be telling OP this is all over well used expat sites which her sister will see. Regardless of anything else, Ops sister is clearly struggling and it’s really cruel that no one seems to care about the fact people who know her will know immediately who it is and her ‘dirty laundry’ has been aired without her consent. If OP needed to vent, she could have done so without giving away such telling details.

AcrossThisRoom · Yesterday 08:22

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · Yesterday 08:04

But if you understood anything about MH you’d understand all those behaviours and actions are the hallmarks of someone deeply struggling. I get it’s hard on you, and as I said you clearly are trying, but I just think there are better steps you could have taken.

You sounds rather like you expect thanks from someone in the midst of a breakdown, and anyone who has every experienced a mental health crisis or supported someone through it, will tell you that’s not how it works. People spiralling are selfish, because they’re not thinking properly. If you expect thanks for someone in the midst of a breakdown, then that’s a sign you should step away…and if you find your own mental health struggling as a result of helping support someone else, then again that’s a sign you should step away.

I hope you do have a lovely breakfast and I hope your sister gets the MH support she clearly, desperately, needs.

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You wanted OP to give the dog back. OP recognised this wasn’t the best thing for the dog or her sister because she wasn’t thinking straight and wasn’t settled.

Explain how giving the dog back like you insisted would have been best for the dog or would have been good for OPs sisters mental health. What do you think would have happened to the dog when she decided that she didn’t want him and was leaving?

OPs actions have proven to be correct. You can’t admit you were wrong but worse, you are now continuing to pick at OP which is verging on bullying. You aren’t concerned about anything except you have made yourself look silly and for some reason you think that continuing to dig your heels in is a good way to go. It’s not. You should step away from OPs thread.

Chaos needs boundaries and the op sounds like they’ve behaved appropriately and perfectly.

I agree. OP has done everything right imo.

Flamingojune · Yesterday 08:22

Dersie · Yesterday 07:55

Why are you so angry? Do you use these kinds of platforms as a form of punch bag?
I suggest anger management therapy,
The dog was ADOPTED by OP, the sister has gone back to her husband and OP was updating the situation as and when it unfolding as we (the non angry people) were interested to find out how it went.

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So the 'non angry people' are the ones that agree with op?

YourDeftOliveLeader · Yesterday 08:14

She made her bed and and now you have a dog. Do not give him back

Lampsandlightsandotherthings · Yesterday 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · Yesterday 08:04

WatchTheStormTouchDown · Yesterday 07:11

I don’t care if she sees it. She needs to think about how she has impacted others. She has treated us horribly, caused upset to my children and has been rude to me, my husband and my parents. We jumped when she asked us too, supported her and has now left without so much as stripping her beds, tidying up after the kids or even saying thank you for us bringing her here when she asked. Not even a thank you to my husband when he dropped her back last night knowing he wouldn’t be home til the early hours again. She then had the cheek to ask me to take her to the airport when she flies out. She hasn’t considered our mental health and the impact of her behaviour. Everything is fine in her world now, she told me so and said everything was sorted before she left, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.

I needed an outlet and my mental health matters too. You comments have been horrible. I’m a strong, confident person with a lovely husband and friends for support, but your comments could have caused issues for some people who were vulnerable and more alone. I hope the posters you’ve attacked on the thread are ok and I hope you think more before you type in future. That goes for few others on the thread too.

I’m off to walk OUR dogs with my lovely husband and children, then have a chilled breakfast.

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But if you understood anything about MH you’d understand all those behaviours and actions are the hallmarks of someone deeply struggling. I get it’s hard on you, and as I said you clearly are trying, but I just think there are better steps you could have taken.

You sounds rather like you expect thanks from someone in the midst of a breakdown, and anyone who has every experienced a mental health crisis or supported someone through it, will tell you that’s not how it works. People spiralling are selfish, because they’re not thinking properly. If you expect thanks for someone in the midst of a breakdown, then that’s a sign you should step away…and if you find your own mental health struggling as a result of helping support someone else, then again that’s a sign you should step away.

I hope you do have a lovely breakfast and I hope your sister gets the MH support she clearly, desperately, needs.

Dersie · Yesterday 07:55

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 22:13

Your sister/ her family is in serious crisis , and your teen missed on one night/ day out?
its been clear from the beginning of this thread that you hold your sister in complete contempt. You've pointed out how outing this post is, yet you've dragged her in the worst way- including accusing her of being a terrible mother.

You are keeping the dog. It is settled. She has gone. Maybe you can stop dragging your sister on the internet now?

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Why are you so angry? Do you use these kinds of platforms as a form of punch bag?
I suggest anger management therapy,
The dog was ADOPTED by OP, the sister has gone back to her husband and OP was updating the situation as and when it unfolding as we (the non angry people) were interested to find out how it went.

lifeisgoodrightnow · Yesterday 07:49

Flamingojune · Yesterday 07:13

Theres v little empathy for someone going through such a disturbed and chaotic time in life

Chaos needs boundaries and the op sounds like they’ve behaved appropriately and perfectly.

Lacksie · Yesterday 07:48

WatchTheStormTouchDown · Yesterday 07:11

I don’t care if she sees it. She needs to think about how she has impacted others. She has treated us horribly, caused upset to my children and has been rude to me, my husband and my parents. We jumped when she asked us too, supported her and has now left without so much as stripping her beds, tidying up after the kids or even saying thank you for us bringing her here when she asked. Not even a thank you to my husband when he dropped her back last night knowing he wouldn’t be home til the early hours again. She then had the cheek to ask me to take her to the airport when she flies out. She hasn’t considered our mental health and the impact of her behaviour. Everything is fine in her world now, she told me so and said everything was sorted before she left, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.

I needed an outlet and my mental health matters too. You comments have been horrible. I’m a strong, confident person with a lovely husband and friends for support, but your comments could have caused issues for some people who were vulnerable and more alone. I hope the posters you’ve attacked on the thread are ok and I hope you think more before you type in future. That goes for few others on the thread too.

I’m off to walk OUR dogs with my lovely husband and children, then have a chilled breakfast.

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If she finds the thread, I don't think her "impact on others" is what she will take away.