AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

So she wants it back to be Home Alone a lot ? stuff that ..

I understand your point of view. Is there anyone else in the family who will consider what sort of life the fig would have with you sister and speak up for the dog?

YABVU. They chose him, raised him from a pup and love him as much as you do and possibly more. They are also a broken family who needs their dog.

Not a dog, their dog; an important member of their family for 3 years.

The kids are having to adapt to being back in the UK without their father, and your sister must be really struggling too. I don't see how you claim the dog has irrevocably settled into your home in 7 months, yet your nieces and nephews can just adjust to being back in the UK without their dad or their dog and be absolutely fine. Those children have trauma and need their dog.

My answer would be a bit different if it was my family. I would give the dog back because however much I'd love the dog, I definitely love my sister and her kids more. However my sister wouldn't have asked for the dog back. I'd just offer it in the hope that it would help an awful situation.
Your family dynamic sounds a bit different to mine though.

You love the dog more than your sister 🤷‍♀️

it’s not like you would never see the dog again

tbh you come across as feeling quite contemptuous and superior to your sister so the relationship obviously isn’t great

What about 'shared custody' if you sister lives close enough?

I think you need to look at this from the dogs perspective.

What kind of lifestyle are you offering the dog compared to your sister? What was the dogs routine for the first 3 years of it's life?

Remember, dogs are incredibly loyal and often bond with a specific person at a young age. Just invite your sister round your home for a bit of lunch or a cuppa with the dog beeing there. Observe the dog when she comes and when she goes. Try not to call or restrict or discipline, be as neutral as possible. If the dog wants to go home with your sister let it go...

YABU. They didn't want to give him up, you made them, and now they're desperate to have him back and you're thinking of you not the dog. Of course he will be more bonded yo them than you. Sorry but he will be. You say he isn't a toy to be passed around but that's not what's happening is it, his family who brought him up and loved him want him to come home, having never really wanted to lose him in the first place. His family who are grieving the breakup of a family. In mumsnet lingo, give your head a wobble.

@Springtimeinsunshine it's not that simple.

We see a lot of people take pets overseas only to have to send them home again as they can't cope with i.e. the change in temperature.

Plus, if your housing situation was changing (I.e you lived in a house before and had to move into a flat) thats another good reason not to take a dog - how is it fair to put a dog that has only ever known a garden into a small flat?

Then you have all the stress of packing, changing countries, registering children in school, getting situated in work (which originally will be very long hours because of wanting to make a good impression), sorting out relevant dog care/walkers etc. Sorting out even basic things like furniture, getting unpacked etc. Those things can take months. It's not as simply as 'take the dog with you.' And even if it was, very often the dog is much better staying where it knows with people who can help.

It's very easy to be judgmental, but taking a dog overseas when you're changing jobs is really not that simple and until you've done it or actually helped someone do it...it's really not something you can begin to understand the complexity of.

How selfish of your sister!

Another thing to perhaps consider is what are the arrangements re the dogs care if the dog were to be given back? Would your sister be needing to work? Children’s clubs? Would there be care for the dog in place? Does this compare to his current situation with you? Would he be left alone for hours etc or otherwise?

I think you're right not to give the dog back as it will have settled with you and your DC.

However, I think this bit is totally unfair....

"He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change"

She doesn't think he's a toy to be passed around. For goodness sake have some empathy for her and her DC.

Sister might move back to be with her husband and this would the same scenario. Keep the dawg.

What does the dog want?

after 3.5years from a puppy he must be closely bonded with your sister and her family

I actually think you are being very unkind but I assume this is reflective of your family relationship

Sounds like your sister and her kids have had a shit time recently. Why would you not do anything you could to make that better? Give them their dog back.

In which case, you should return him. A puppy would be very different. But Poodles are incredibly sensitive and bond very closely with their family. I guarantee the second he see's them, he will forget about you.

I get it's hard for you. But it's harder for them.

If they were planning to live away for three years why didn't they make arrangements to take him with them? If it was for six months then I could understand the reasoning around quarantine etc but there's no excuse not to for three years.

I'm of the same opinion as you though, this is not an object but a sentient, living creature with needs (and fears) of its own. I would keep it too.

I'm not sure that I would want to fall out with my whole family over a dog! You've only had him 7 months, they had him for 3.5 years, I would give him back. Get a dog yourselves if you really want one.

Oh definitely keep the dog OP.
She is being very selfish wanting to uproot him when he is settled with you and your family.
And who is to say that she won't change her plans again and want to offload him a second time?

Sister can acquire a new dog. Yours is settled with you. There will be a rift whatever.

I agree with @TheHungryHungryLandsharks. He’s not been with you long enough to fully settle.