AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

@WatchTheStormTouchDown what's best for the dog sounds like it would be staying with you.

What's best for your sister and her kids is having the dog back.

Perhaps the dog will trash her house out of boredom being left along during the day so she will end up seeing sense and having the dog return to live with you?

It's a really tricky situation. Your agreement of the dog staying with you was based on 3 years. It has only been 7 months.

Personally I would return the dog to her, but I would make her pay for the dog's board and lodgings for the last 7 months!

Completely agree. It’s only been 7 months. Get your family another dog.

I think I’d give the dog back. It’s only been 7 months and your sister has had a split and had to move back home with her children. The children have also had to move and been separated from their dad so will be really unsettled. I think getting the dog back will help them a lot.
I understand your kids will be a bit upset but they’ve not had the upheaval their cousins have had.
It would be a really good thing to do on your part. It’s what I’d do if I were in your situation.
Maybe you could ask her for some money for the upkeep of the dog while you’ve had it and then put it towards a dog you choose yourselves.

Edited to add I just read you have a dog already. Give her the dog back. I think it might sour relations irreparably if you didn’t.

That’s even more of a reason not to give him back. The dog has become attached to this other dog. Is it fair to the dog to take that from him? No, it is not.

You might find the dog considers them to be his real family and would prefer to be back with them... you can usually tell. Our dog has spent summers at my parents if we've been travelling. He is very happy there, adores my mum in particular but he is wild with joy when we return

Do you not think that it would be heartless moving the dog now when he has the companionship of another dog being in the house and enjoys that companionship. Do you really think it fair to remove the dog from that companionship and have him return to a set-up where he is by himself for a large part of the week. No fellow dog for companionship/no humans.

If the dog meant that much to her and her children why didn't she take it with her when she moved? Keep the dog, your sister is a flakey dog owner and the dog deserves better.

Massive dripfeed that you have another dog! Give him back.

I'm trying to imagine being your sister. If it were my dog, and I'd had to give him up permanently, I would have done so with a clause saying could I and DC see DDog X times a week when I return?

Did she do that OP?

But she didn’t force them, the OP said family would take the dog but it would have to be permanent. She knew well her family would become attached to the dog and the dog would settle, which is why she set that condition. Her sister did not have to agree. She made the choice to move abroad, she made the choice not to bring the dog, she made the choice to give the dog permanent to her sister.

This dog now has the companionship of another dog which he enjoys - do you not think it would be very unfair and heartless to take that away from him ??

Your dog now, keep him. What's to say she doesnt up and move again in a years time? She's obviously not that invested in the dog to not bother to bring him with them.

If you love the dog more than your sister, keep the dog. If you love your sister more than the dog, give the dog back. Bear in mind that, all going well, your sister will be around for most of your life and the dog won't be.

If the dog is the type that gets very attached then it would probably rather be with the original owner. If it isn't, then it won't mind where it lives.

I think you're completely within your rights to keep the dog.

However getting a dog through the puppy and adolescent years is a huge feat and creates a bond, at least on the human side, that is hard to fathom.

I understand why your sister desperately wants the dog back. This must be a time of huge crisis for her.

I left my saintly dog for six weeks once and the family who had her were overjoyed to experience having a dog but completely aware they'd been handed the result of five years of concentrated work and this was a very cushy way to have a dog.

Although you can keep the dog, I would bite the bullet and put in the work with a new puppy yourselves. I think you would find yourselves forming a new bond. And the dog would move back fine, they're right about that. I think you minimise the attachment they feel to suggest they're treating the dog like a toy.

Dogs don't live that long in the great scheme of things. Family ties, or the lack of them, are more long lived and significant in the great scheme of things.

Keep the dog, lose your family x

What about your kids getting upset that their dog is being taken away from them? That's your dog you keep it.

Ouch, this is a tough one. I think the toughest dilemma I've ever seen on here.

I dont think you're being unreasonable. I do think your family is to put this pressure on you as a quick way of soothing sister while she is going through a lot. You had an agreement that the dog change of ownership would be permanent.

As a compromise, could you offer to help your sister in other ways while she gets back on her feet? E.g. childcare, her DC could help walk your dog, meal prep etc.

No decision like this should be rushed and personally I would give your sister time to adjust to her new life. Without a dog for now at least.

I am speaking as a dog owner who gave their dog to their parents during my divorce and having a job that would not be conducive to having a dog (and not enough £ to pay a dog walker). My dog was settled with my parents very quickly and even if my circumstances now changed I wouldn’t ask for her back as this would be utterly confusing for her and my parents would be devastated! We visit and adore my dog but she has a new home now. Keep the dog. X

Just to say - before your post is promptly deleted and MNHQ put you on the naughty step - I tend to agree

Your sister is back in the UK now, what if you give the dog back and then , maybe ( don't know the circumstances obvs) she decides to give living abroad another go , what happens then ?

I took on a friend's dog when she her partner moved in and her partner was allergic to her DDog ( she was pressured tbh in hindsight) I only took DDog on on the understanding she was then "my" dog , they split up after 2 years sadly but she was true to her word and dog is still with me , though she takes DDog out for walks occasionally.

In the minority here but agree with you and @Shellityhorn

Sister’s circumstances have changed - show some compassion. OP’s children may be upset but sister’s DC will be too, losing part of their extended family (father and dog). The fact that there’s no ‘legal obligation’ to return is sort of nearly here nor there

And what happens the next time she decides to move abroad and leave the dog behind? She chose a life abroad over her commitment to the dog. She then agreed to transfer ownership to you - she didn't have to do that, if the dog meant that much to her she should have stayed in the UK. She made a choice and choices have consequences. I think you are absolutely right to keep the dog.