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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

989 replies

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 08:58

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 04/09/2026 10:32

TemporarilyCantDoMyself · 04/09/2026 10:31

This is the crux of it really. It's all very well saying prioritise the dcs, prioritise the poor sister, etc, but all of that reduces the dog to a commodity.
The dog is not a commodity it's a living creature with its own needs. And reading all of @WatchTheStormTouchDown 's posts it glaringly obvious that those needs are better met with her, not by passing ddog back to her sister.

Show quote history

this absolutely

godmum56 · 04/09/2026 10:31

Dependsoncontext · 04/09/2026 10:29

Sometimes what is "right" in terms of who owns the dog may not be the best overall for your family. If I was you, I would prioritise my relationship with my sibling but I don't know how your relationship is with her so can't say I'd do that in your shoes with any great certainty. Does she always get her own way? Do you feel your parents tend to "favour" her over you? There is a lot to think about here. How will it impact not just your relationship with your sister but your children's relationship with their cousins? And just to say, I have no idea how any of this would impact a dog so only advice is to think carefully about it before making a firm decision because stuff like this tends to fester through the years.

Edit: This is tricky as I have read all your posts so can see why you're irritated by their request.

Edited

have you read the OP's post about how the dog behaved when it saw the sister again?

TemporarilyCantDoMyself · 04/09/2026 10:31

darkdaysareover · 04/09/2026 10:27

The dog should be the priority, not the children. A dog is not a posession, it is a part of a family. His original family left him behind and he is now being taken care of and deserves to be prioritised.

Show quote history

This is the crux of it really. It's all very well saying prioritise the dcs, prioritise the poor sister, etc, but all of that reduces the dog to a commodity.
The dog is not a commodity it's a living creature with its own needs. And reading all of @WatchTheStormTouchDown 's posts it glaringly obvious that those needs are better met with her, not by passing ddog back to her sister.

Monty36 · 04/09/2026 10:31

I think your sister has made a bit of a clanger asking for the dog back. Given she agreed to hand it over to you permanently.
She has put the cat among the pigeons unnecessarily.

sugarplumlily · 04/09/2026 10:31

Also - if she’s now a single parent the dog will
likely not get its needs fully met. I imagine your sister needs less expenses, more time to organise and parent her kids alone, and time to work/find a job. It’s very hard to fit a dog into that when you are newly split and working life out again.

ShitFacedShakespeare · 04/09/2026 10:31

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 09:51

One of the other options they were considering for him when they moved was some sort of a dog share among 3 sets of friends where one set had him for 2 weeks and then he would go to the next lot of friends. She’d didn’t do it but she did consider it, so I’m very justified in my comments about passing him around like a toy.

Show quote history

Well if you must insist on drip-feeding 🙄

Mary28 · 04/09/2026 10:31

I think given the age of the dog I would give it back to them. 7 months is is a lot shorter than 3.5 years and the family have had a lot of upheaval with splitting from their dad and moving country twice.
Obviously they did not want to give up the dog in the first place, so clearly they really care for the dog.
In this situation I would give them back the dog.

godmum56 · 04/09/2026 10:30

ClockSure · 04/09/2026 10:28

You could be the bigger person here? You are technically ‘in the right’ but come on. Is this really just about the dog, but about history and dynamics between you and your sister? Only you know the answer to that.

Show quote history

its not at all about "being the bigger person" its about the dog and what is best for the dog.

Dependsoncontext · 04/09/2026 10:29

Sometimes what is "right" in terms of who owns the dog may not be the best overall for your family. If I was you, I would prioritise my relationship with my sibling but I don't know how your relationship is with her so can't say I'd do that in your shoes with any great certainty. Does she always get her own way? Do you feel your parents tend to "favour" her over you? There is a lot to think about here. How will it impact not just your relationship with your sister but your children's relationship with their cousins? And just to say, I have no idea how any of this would impact a dog so only advice is to think carefully about it before making a firm decision because stuff like this tends to fester through the years.

Edit: This is tricky as I have read all your posts so can see why you're irritated by their request.

godmum56 · 04/09/2026 10:28

BMW58 · 04/09/2026 10:27

I've read all your posts OP and 100% the dog should stay with you for his sake.

yes seems like quite a few people haven't RTFT but what else is new?

ClockSure · 04/09/2026 10:28

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 10:21

He is our dog.

It isn’t my fault that the decisions my sister makes don’t prioritise her children and dog. We make decisions that’s are best for our children and dogs, always have and always will.

Show quote history

You could be the bigger person here? You are technically ‘in the right’ but come on. Is this really just about the dog, but about history and dynamics between you and your sister? Only you know the answer to that.

sugarplumlily · 04/09/2026 10:28

I wouldn’t give my dog up unless I had exhausted all other avenues first. Why didn’t they fly the dog out to their new country? Most loving pet owners do this. Like you say - they are not toys. Unless it’s an extremely long haul flight which would be detrimental to the dog’s health. Most people in Europe for example would drive, over a few days, to take the dog with them. How far was the country?

Your sister has acted terribly in terms of the dog.

WiltonGal · 04/09/2026 10:28

The dog has a better life with you and your other dog. With her it will on its own a lot. It is a no brainer, keep the dog.

HappyHedgehog247 · 04/09/2026 10:28

I would give the dog back here. I'm a single parent who has been through a divorce. The kids have had a massively destabilising time. Moved school, house, country and now they are in a split home and I'm guessing won't see much of dad. I would do it for the kids sake -and say this as a dog lover.

needastrongone · 04/09/2026 10:27

I suspect this might be more about the OP’s relationship with her sister as much as anything. 😊

I’m team ‘keep the dog’ though.

darkdaysareover · 04/09/2026 10:27

ClockSure · 04/09/2026 10:25

I feel for the niece and nephew and would consider them priority for the dog. Your family
will be sad understandably but you have the stability to manage this. This could be what your sister’s kids need in order to settle after an upheaval.

The dog should be the priority, not the children. A dog is not a posession, it is a part of a family. His original family left him behind and he is now being taken care of and deserves to be prioritised.

BMW58 · 04/09/2026 10:27

I've read all your posts OP and 100% the dog should stay with you for his sake.

Original poster
WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 10:27

Cheesemonster45 · 04/09/2026 09:51

Ouch, this is a tough one. I think the toughest dilemma I've ever seen on here.

I dont think you're being unreasonable. I do think your family is to put this pressure on you as a quick way of soothing sister while she is going through a lot. You had an agreement that the dog change of ownership would be permanent.

As a compromise, could you offer to help your sister in other ways while she gets back on her feet? E.g. childcare, her DC could help walk your dog, meal prep etc.

No decision like this should be rushed and personally I would give your sister time to adjust to her new life. Without a dog for now at least.

Thank you for this.

I have suggested to my sister that she moves closer to us and other family here to have more support because at the moment she is too far away for us to help much. I’ve said that if she moves we can have the children after school, help her out with the kids in other ways and they can see the dog daily. She could increase her hours if she wanted to. We are very willing to help if she is here.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 04/09/2026 10:25

I can see why she wants it back. But the point is that the agreement was made and ownership changed so that should be that.

ClockSure · 04/09/2026 10:25

I feel for the niece and nephew and would consider them priority for the dog. Your family
will be sad understandably but you have the stability to manage this. This could be what your sister’s kids need in order to settle after an upheaval.

Cosyblankets · 04/09/2026 10:24

Given that you seem to have already made your mind up, I'm not really sure why you asked. What was the point?

darkdaysareover · 04/09/2026 10:24

If she didn’t care enough about the dog to take it with them, then the dog is clearly better off with you.

shockthemonkey · 04/09/2026 10:24

Agree with all PPs saying he should stay with you.

Out of interest, where did they move that they felt they couldn't take a standard poodle with them? The answer to that might colour my view of them, just a little, but regardless, the dog should stay with you!

Monty36 · 04/09/2026 10:23

Your sister needs to get a new dog if she wants one.
Your one is now yours and stays with you.
She agreed to give the dog permanently to you. By now saying can we go back on that is very unfair on you, your family and the poor dog. Who won’t know if it is coming or going.
A new dog is needed for her.

Credittocress · 04/09/2026 10:22

So your sister has lost her husband, your nieces and nephews have lost their father. They presumably won’t be seeing him much if he’s living in another country. You have the chance to do one thing to make this a little easier and less traumatic for them. Give the kids their dog back