AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

I think it’s in the dog’s best interests to stay with you. I think your sister is being cheeky asking for it back and also she’s got enough on her plate settling back in to job/ UK etc without the added responsibility of looking after a dog.
I think it’s wrong for family to put pressure on you. Why should your family be put out for her mistake.

Have I stumbled into a parallel universe where people actually put the needs of a dog over those of children who have been through some enormous life changes? I say that as a dog owner by the way.
Your sister and her family moved abroad (huge life change) then her marriage broke down (huge life change) then she moved back with her children to start life as a single parent (enormous life change). I find it odd that you say it's 'emotional manipulation' to think of the needs of her children.
You took the dog on the basis she was moving abroad permenantly (3 years is a permenant move) but that has not happenened therefore she should be allowed the chance to have her dog back and her children should have the small comfort of having their pet dog around at a difficult time in their lives.
When I adopted my dog, the refuge considered it to be a trial for the first 6 months as it's only then that dogs might have settled (in our case, it was much much longer). You've only had the dog 7 months, it won't have properly settled yet.
Just explain the situation to your kids - think of it as a great life lesson in being adaptable and putting others needs before your own and get a new dog/puppy in a few months' time.
Meanwhile maybe support your sister through a difficult time.

I remember being devastated when my grandparents collected their dog after they'd been away for months.
We moved on very quickly.

I think your sister has lost enough, can't imagine denying my sister the dog she paid for in that situation.
You could try offering to buy her another dog, but I suspect the dog would be happier going back with them. My grandparents' one was thrilled to see them.

I had mixed feelings about this issue until I read the follow up post that indicates that the dog seems to prefer your family, to the extent he doesn't want your sister to even walk him without one of you there.

I think doggo has chosen his family!

Yes, I have. Just because the dog wanted to carry on playing on the occasion your sister visited doesn’t mean its bond isn’t with them.

You don’t want to read the truth IMO. Keeping her dog is cruel. If you want to do a staggered handover because you think that would be better, then that’s fine, but you seem to be determined to keep a dog that’s not yours just because you have a bit of paper saying you’re the owner. Morally you’re not.

Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel to lose your own dog and have someone refuse to hand it back?

In my personal experience, itss much harder to give a dog a good life if you are the only adult in the house and have been used to there being two of you....been there done that when I was widowed and I had no kids to be responsible for and the dogs were much older so needed less exercise.

I think the circumstances into which the dog will be returned make keeping him the obvious option. He has company, is regularly walked, has his medical needs attended to promptly and is a family dog. What he will be returned to is a life where he will spend most of his day alone aside from a dog walker, and there will be a different dynamic as Dsis is now a single parent. She essentially gave the dog away when they moved, the ownership details have been changed, he’s had veterinary treatment that Dsis neglected - all at OP’s expense. I think it’s really cheeky to ask for him back as though nothing happened.

This and ownership was transferred. Also what about your DC getting upset? Your sister should look to re-home another dog if she wants one. Your niece and nephew can still visit your dog.

It must be very hard for your sister having such a saint to live up to🙄

The dog should stay where he is as it’s his best interests to do so . With @WatchTheStormTouchDown he is rarely left and has got used to living with another dog so it would be a detrimental move for him . Plus if the Ops sisters family were that bothered about the dog then they would have taken him with them when they moved . There is no way I would have moved abroad and left my late dog behind , he was a family member . The OPs sister is treating the dog like some kind of toy that you can just pick up and drop when it takes your fancy .

While he undoubtedly remembers them, it will be difficult for a dog with free run of a large garden, constant human companionship, and another dog to play with, to go to being alone for much of the week.
Especially losing out on your other dog. Bonded dogs can be miserable without each other to play with. Fine, but not happy.

Giving him back is the nice thing to do for your sister but it isn’t necessarily the right thing for the dog. Keep him. As difficult as it is for her, she gave him away when it suited her. He’s not a comfort blanket to have back because she’s having a hard time when he has a happy and established life with you now.

You have two dogs. You didn't want a second dog. You are totally within your rights to keep him but is it really worth wrecking your wider family relationships for?

In this situation it would be quite possible to act like a grown up, be disappointed and understand that your kids are too, but support them to deal with it. The dog will be fine. He settled with you and he will settle with her.

I was just listening to a podcast about what people regret when they are old, and it is often falling out with family over what, in retrospect, are quite small issues. I honestly think it would be a mistake to alienate your wider family over this.

Run that by me again? You don't need a husband to look after a dog. If anything, now she has dropped the DH she may have more headspace for the dog.

And this kind of overreaction is why so many Mners struggle with relationships and friendships. Why on earth would the OP do this? She'd be losing both her dog and her relationship with her sister and her sister's children!

Here we are. This is your real reasoning. You didn’t agree with her moving and now it’s backfired for her, you’re looking to make a point.

She and her kids had dog for 42 months. Versus your 7 months.

You want to keep her dog regardless. It’s telling that the rest of the family support her in having it back.

Your sister is going through a VERY difficult time, and your response is “well you signed it over so it’s mine!”.

Rather than what a good sister would do, which would probably be more like “get yourself settled and if you guys would still like it back, that’s fine. We’ll really miss it, and we feel it’s already part of our family, but I appreciate you must feel this even stronger having had her from a puppy. I hope you’re alright sis, I know what struggle this must be for you”.

Kicking your sister when she’s down is a low blow.

How can you not give him back? I’d be devastated if that was my dog (poodle owner) They’ve only been gone a few months! If you’d taken in what you thought was a stray and then his owners tracked him down, would you refuse to give him back because your children liked him?

The dog’s bond is still with its original family. You can get your family a dog if you want one. Don’t take your sister’s. IMO it’s cruel - both to her and her family and to the dog who will be ecstatic to see them.

Personally I would give an ultimatum that if they take the dog back it will be on the understanding that you will never speak to them again as it will break your kids hearts.

You sound very judgemental of your sister and her decisions. She made a mistake but you do not know what kind of pressure she was under by her now ex husbad. It must have taken enormous courage to admit the move was a bad idea and bring her DCs home.

You have only had the dog for 7 months. Imagine what comfort the dog would bring to your sister, as a single mum it would be good for her to have someone to sit with in the once her DCs have gone to bed. I don't know what the situation is with thier father but if he has contact it could be lonely being without her DCs. Your kids will be upset, but they have another dog and they have thier parents, they haven't been through what your niece and nephew have been through, this would be a good lesson in compassion. Plus it sounds like if you keep the dog you will permanently fracture your family's relationship with your wider family which is going to impact your DCs.

OP are you absolutely sure that there’s no chance of a reconciliation between your sister and her husband, which would result in them leaving again. Because that really wouldn’t be fair on the dog, or anyone else for that matter.

The neglect on the eye issue is the nail
in the coffin for me. Keep him.

Perhaps the OP’s sibling could prioritise her relationship with the OP by not asking for the dog back and causing a whole heap of stress.
And be grown up enough to explain to the children that no, they cannot have dog back but they can get a new one instead.

Sorry quoted incorrectly !