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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

989 replies

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 08:58

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

OP posts:
Clearinguptheclutter · 04/09/2026 11:04

needastrongone · 04/09/2026 10:27

I suspect this might be more about the OP’s relationship with her sister as much as anything. 😊

I’m team ‘keep the dog’ though.

yes this, keep the dog but as your sister is clearly a bit unreasonable this might sadly affect your relationship long term.

But i go back to what i said earlier, you had an agreement and the fact that she came back early is somewhat irrelevant.

the offer to look after her kids more (and thus help them see the dog) is a kind one, which she should take you up on.

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 11:03

godmum56 · 04/09/2026 11:00

But as someone who is involved in rehoming would you remove a dog from a very good home to give it back to the home who voluntarily gave it up?

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Exactly. And it will have been taken from a family environment where it had bonded with another dog and had company all day, to be put into a home where everyone is at work all day and the only person the dog will see is the dog walker. THAT is what’s cruel.

RemindMeOfYourEyes · 04/09/2026 11:01

It’s sad for your sister but it’s very obviously in the dog’s best interests to stay with you. He has someone there all day, he is bonded to your other dog, he sounds happy, he wasn’t overly bothered when they visited him, he gets better vet care and grooming and you will have more time than she does.

You also agreed as a family that you could only take him on a permanent basis after losing another dog. As the dog is settled and better with you, prioriting your family also is right.

No brainer, he stays with you.

It’s nice that you have offered to support her with childcare and other things as being a single mum is tough. Hopefully she will recognise your kindness in offering that.

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 11:00

godmum56 · 04/09/2026 10:57

This is not about the humans and the dog is not an inanimate object. the Adult made the choice to give the dog up and the children are capable of understanding that the dog is happier where he is and they can go and see him. presumably they weren't inconsolable when the dog was given up in the first place?

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Absolutely this. The dog is at the mercy of the humans involved and they need to be responsible and do what’s best for the dog, not themselves.

godmum56 · 04/09/2026 11:00

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 04/09/2026 09:05

They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled.

And how old is the dog? And what breed? That's completely relevant here.

I disagree with others that after 7 months a dog will be 'secure' in it's new home. I've known dogs that after 5 years still react like puppies when they see their original owners (I rescue, so I see re-homing a lot).

But honestly, regardless, I would show some compassion. She's lost her husband. Her kids have lost a dog. And the dog is their family. There are often very good reasons (as the wife of a diplomat, I have a lot of empathy for your sisters circumstances) why people leave dogs behind i.e if the climate is not suitable for them. It doesn't mean we don't care.

But as someone who is involved in rehoming would you remove a dog from a very good home to give it back to the home who voluntarily gave it up?

AlleycatMarie · 04/09/2026 11:00

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Keep the dog. As you said, he’s not a toy to be passed back and forth. He has settled with you after 7 months. I would definitely do the same in your position. It sounds like your dog will have a wonderful life with you!

Monty36 · 04/09/2026 11:00

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 10:36

You haven’t read the thread.

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It isn’t her dog anymore. She said goodbye to it. And wasn’t expecting to return to it ever.
Now she wants it back. But doesn’t want to remember it is not her dog anymore.

Littlebitpsycho · 04/09/2026 11:00

1coconut2coconut3coconut4 · 04/09/2026 09:44

YABU. They didn't want to give him up, you made them, and now they're desperate to have him back and you're thinking of you not the dog. Of course he will be more bonded yo them than you. Sorry but he will be. You say he isn't a toy to be passed around but that's not what's happening is it, his family who brought him up and loved him want him to come home, having never really wanted to lose him in the first place. His family who are grieving the breakup of a family. In mumsnet lingo, give your head a wobble.

Oh don't be ridiculous, OP didn't 'make' them at all! Sister tried to manipulate OP into a situation which suited her, which didn't work.

OPs sister agreed to transfer ownership, if she didn't want to she should have made other arrangements at the time.

OP I would keep your dog. If family harmony is really important to you, I would offer to return the dog IF your sister covers all the costs you've incurred by keeping him for 7 months - food, vaccinations, any vet bills.

Otherwise you've basically been a glorified dog-sitter for 7 months. Her relationship situation isn't your problem, and presumably her kids were sad at the time but would have got used to the idea of not having the dog by now

MargaretThursday · 04/09/2026 11:00

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 10:48

See my previous post about his reactions to them.

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Have you not seen videos of dogs reuniting with owners. They're often quite nervous at first, but when they realise owner is there to stay, that's when they go mad.

But also presumably that's in your house, where your sister and family are tired from travelling and the dog is feeling in your house he's yours.
That's also from your perspective. Your sister might say quite differently.

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 10:59

Justgonnasaythis · 04/09/2026 10:48

You don’t have to give him back but if you’re sure he’s going to be happy and secure I would probably give him back as its only been 7 months , then take your kids to dogs home to choise a puppy to adopt. It means two dogs are loved and cared for

No, it would mean one dog being loved and cared for. The other one will have been taken from a happy family environment where it had company all day, was properly cared for and had bonded with another dog, to be put into a single parent home and left alone all day while that parent is at work and the kids are at school.

BlackSwan · 04/09/2026 10:58

Do not give him back, he's yours.
Firstly, it was explicitly agreed this would be permanent. Secondly and most importantly, the dog sounds very settled and happy with you and its sibling dog.

They're selfish. Tell them to take a hike.

godmum56 · 04/09/2026 10:58

MellowSubmarine · 04/09/2026 09:00

I wouldn’t be that surprised if they always planned on asking/pressuring you to give the dog back when they got back. If she’d stayed 3 years I think they’d have still come back and said the same about it helping the children settle back etc etc.

yeah me too.

godmum56 · 04/09/2026 10:57

Robertsmithsnan · 04/09/2026 10:51

Your sister and her children have been through enough.
Give her dog back.
You have a dog.

This is not about the humans and the dog is not an inanimate object. the Adult made the choice to give the dog up and the children are capable of understanding that the dog is happier where he is and they can go and see him. presumably they weren't inconsolable when the dog was given up in the first place?

Clearinguptheclutter · 04/09/2026 10:57

assumuing ddog is happy and settled, you had an agreement and that doesnt change at all that she is back sooner than planned .Stick to your guns .

LongTallTally · 04/09/2026 10:57

You clearly have no intention of changing your mind so pretty pointless posting, really - you are only interested in posters who agree with you.

Do you have any concerns at all for the fall out in your relationship with her and the wider family?

Branleuse · 04/09/2026 10:56

Oh crikey what a horrible decision to make.
It's a shame that your sister doesn't live close by. Would make sense for her to move closer and then she and her children can still see dog lots

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 10:55

Smorgs · 04/09/2026 10:47

Have I stumbled into a parallel universe where people actually put the needs of a dog over those of children who have been through some enormous life changes? I say that as a dog owner by the way.
Your sister and her family moved abroad (huge life change) then her marriage broke down (huge life change) then she moved back with her children to start life as a single parent (enormous life change). I find it odd that you say it's 'emotional manipulation' to think of the needs of her children.
You took the dog on the basis she was moving abroad permenantly (3 years is a permenant move) but that has not happenened therefore she should be allowed the chance to have her dog back and her children should have the small comfort of having their pet dog around at a difficult time in their lives.
When I adopted my dog, the refuge considered it to be a trial for the first 6 months as it's only then that dogs might have settled (in our case, it was much much longer). You've only had the dog 7 months, it won't have properly settled yet.
Just explain the situation to your kids - think of it as a great life lesson in being adaptable and putting others needs before your own and get a new dog/puppy in a few months' time.
Meanwhile maybe support your sister through a difficult time.

Yes. You have. It’s a parallel universe where animals aren’t treated as commodities to be passed backwards and forwards between owners regardless of the effects on the animals themselves.

And if the refuge you adopted your dog from actually left the dog in your care after six months then they must have considered it settled. So why would you say that OP’s dog hasn’t settled similarly after seven months ? It clearly has a much better home life than it will have if she returns it. How is that better for the dog ?

And I don’t think it’s such a great life lesson for the kids either. It’s teaching them that in any given situation the animal is expendable.

godmum56 · 04/09/2026 10:55

BreatheAndFocus · 04/09/2026 10:44

Yes, I have. Just because the dog wanted to carry on playing on the occasion your sister visited doesn’t mean its bond isn’t with them.

You don’t want to read the truth IMO. Keeping her dog is cruel. If you want to do a staggered handover because you think that would be better, then that’s fine, but you seem to be determined to keep a dog that’s not yours just because you have a bit of paper saying you’re the owner. Morally you’re not.

Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel to lose your own dog and have someone refuse to hand it back?

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she CHOSE to give the dog up.

Original poster
WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 10:52

BreatheAndFocus · 04/09/2026 10:44

Yes, I have. Just because the dog wanted to carry on playing on the occasion your sister visited doesn’t mean its bond isn’t with them.

You don’t want to read the truth IMO. Keeping her dog is cruel. If you want to do a staggered handover because you think that would be better, then that’s fine, but you seem to be determined to keep a dog that’s not yours just because you have a bit of paper saying you’re the owner. Morally you’re not.

Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel to lose your own dog and have someone refuse to hand it back?

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You said the dog would be ecstatic to see them. He wasn’t.

The dog is however ecstatic when I come back after only being to the loo, or when my daughter comes home from 3 hours at college.

The dog refused to leave the house on a walk with my sister without my husband going with them.

You can twist it if you like, but you're wrong,

Most importantly, I’m not sending him back to be left alone whilst she has go out to work, when he can have constant company and another dog here.

OP posts:
Robertsmithsnan · 04/09/2026 10:51

Your sister and her children have been through enough.
Give her dog back.
You have a dog.

Livpool · 04/09/2026 10:51

BeardySchnauzer · 04/09/2026 09:45

You love the dog more than your sister 🤷‍♀️

it’s not like you would never see the dog again

tbh you come across as feeling quite contemptuous and superior to your sister so the relationship obviously isn’t great

I agree. I think OP is BU

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 10:50

BreatheAndFocus · 04/09/2026 10:35

How can you not give him back? I’d be devastated if that was my dog (poodle owner) They’ve only been gone a few months! If you’d taken in what you thought was a stray and then his owners tracked him down, would you refuse to give him back because your children liked him?

The dog’s bond is still with its original family. You can get your family a dog if you want one. Don’t take your sister’s. IMO it’s cruel - both to her and her family and to the dog who will be ecstatic to see them.

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Why would you be ‘devastated’ having made the decision to effectively give the dog away in the first place ? What you’re suggesting is taking the dog from a happy family environment where it has company, is walked regularly, has bonded with the family’s other dog and has it’s medical needs attended to properly, and putting it into an environment where the owner is a single parent, needs to work full time and consequently the dog will be alone for the majority of the day. How is that better for the dog ?

Annoyedbyhusband · 04/09/2026 10:49

I have a sister and ai would give the dog back tbh. He’s only been with you 7 months. They had him from a puppy. Do you really want to fall out with your actual human family over this dog? You could also look after it when she goes on holidays etc.

Justgonnasaythis · 04/09/2026 10:48

You don’t have to give him back but if you’re sure he’s going to be happy and secure I would probably give him back as its only been 7 months , then take your kids to dogs home to choise a puppy to adopt. It means two dogs are loved and cared for

Original poster
WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 10:48

MargaretThursday · 04/09/2026 10:46

I remember being devastated when my grandparents collected their dog after they'd been away for months.
We moved on very quickly.

I think your sister has lost enough, can't imagine denying my sister the dog she paid for in that situation.
You could try offering to buy her another dog, but I suspect the dog would be happier going back with them. My grandparents' one was thrilled to see them.

See my previous post about his reactions to them.

OP posts: