AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

I can’t find anything in OP’s posts to say she thinks superior in any way. She hasn’t mentioned money and only compared her sisters’ garden size to her own when she was asked. She’s asked her sister to move closer to her so she can help out - those aren’t the actions of someone who considers themselves ‘superior’. And the reverse situation isn’t applicable here - of course it wouldn’t be right to take a dog from a single parent home and put it somewhere else, just because it’s better ‘on paper’. It’s a matter of a familiar environment and the humans it’s happy with. Just as OP’s dog is now.

As a side note,

If anyone on here works outside of the home, please feel free to drop your dog off at my house permanently. We work from home in a big house so we’ll be best placed to house them and it’s cruel you’re keeping them from having a life with owners at home. Form an orderly queue.

@WatchTheStormTouchDown What happens if you give the dog back, and then your sister and husband decide to give it another go and she moves away again? She didn't know she would be moving back after such a short time, so she doesn't really know what could happen in the next 6 months.
As hard as it is for her and her children, I don't think you should give them the dog back, especially considering how it's life would be with her if she is working full time etc whereas with you, like you say someone is home most of the time, and it has your other dog for company. I wonder if she tried to make the move easier for her kids, and being away from their dad, by promising them the dog back?
She knew you only agreed to having the dog if it was permanent, and if she had any inkling she would be coming back, then she should have found a more temporary home for it. Is she known for changing her mind over things, or does she usually stick with it? Just thinking if this is something she does often or if it's out of character for her.
All that said, I totally understand why she would be upset by you not giving her the dog back. I would be devastated in the same situation.

It may be just 7 months to humans but 7 months is a lot longer to a dog in dog years. He's not something to be passed around either. He seems bonded with the OPs dog and way of life. If I was the sister I would think what is best for the dog and my own selfish needs wouldn't be a factor.

Give over. If they hadn’t moved and your sister was working, would you have offered to take it? Called RSPCA because (shock horror) and worker had a dog?

Millions of dog owners work and leave dogs for a few hours, that’s very normal and dogs are absolutely fine with that.

We’re only hearing your side, which you’ve painted to be very rosy indeed. Shame we can’t hear your sister’s side.

Ultimately, it’s your choice as she (felt she had to) sign him over. So you do what you feel is best for everyone. But don’t come moaning on mumsnet when your kids have gained a dog but lost their aunt and cousins as any other family member who sees what you’re doing.

He is your dog now. The fact your sister came back after months instead of years doesn't change anything.

The dog will be left alone so she is right not to give it back.

Nobody said her sister didn't care about the dog, but the OP gave very clear rules of engagement, I will take your dog but only permeantly, she was very open that she wasn't interested in a 3 year extended babysitting episode - who would be, all the love and care and dealing with any issues along the way and then hand the dog back again, no way, I get it and she made her terms known. With that said I would give the dog back, I would ask for reimbursement of the costs to date and I would be at pains to point out to the family that OPs children have feelings too and now will be devastated as they were allowed to believe this was their dog for life, the sister knows she is going against OPs wishes and terms but is firmly putting herself and her kids first, as long as the dog won't be in jeopardy living with her, hand it back OP, grieve and then get your own dog that won't be tainted and have acrimony around it, I'd be the bigger person and be clear that is exactly how it is

And l’m not sure what your slightly ridiculous assertions re-single parents actually means - nobody here thinks people who have no spouse are ‘morally inferior’, or that they shouldn’t have dogs. It’s a matter of what is best for this particular dog - it’s now used to being with a family, it has human company all day and has bonded with the other dog. Putting it back into a situation where it’s alone all day, when that is not what it’s used to isn’t in the best interests of the dog. It’s that simple

No, it’s not “simple”. I’ve said OP should give the dog back but I’m not totally unsympathetic to her own disappointment/frustration.

Whether she meant to or not, the impression given is that she’s superior/a better dog owner because she has money, a dog friend and WFH. My point is that dogs don’t care about money or being part of a nuclear family. If you took a much-loved dog from their single parent home and put it in a bigger house where the adults WFH, it would be ‘better’ on paper, but you’d be taking a dog from the people it loves and who love it. This dog has settled at the OP’s and is happy, but it was happy before in its first home and it can be happy again there.

So you’d take the dog out of a happy family environment where it has human company all day, away from another dog it’s bonded with, and put it into a situation where it’s alone all day while it’s owner works ? OK then.

Although having read all of your updates, I think that the sister might deserve better from you, op. It comes across as you dont like her.

Theres no shame in being a single mum, it sounds as though youre enjoying seeing her struggle - could this judgement be why she thought it a good idea to follow a man across the world so she has a 'family'?

I'm not sure why you posted here. You clearly had no intention of giving him back so there's no dilemma as far as you're concerned. It's likely that your sister won't forgive you and will damage your relationship for ever .
if you feel keeping the dog is worth that price then so be it.

YANBU OP

I work in dog rescue and we wouldn’t re home a dog to someone who was out at work all day and was only having a dog walker come in for half an hour. That simply isn’t good enough.

Your sister can’t provide a suitable home for the dog and you can, so you keep the dog.

You sound like a supportive sister in offering help with childcare. I hope things improve for your sister but having the dog back isn’t the right way to go about improving things.

And it’s now had seven months where it’s had constant human company and bonded with another family dog. Whichever way you look at this, taking it out of that environment and putting it into one where it’s going to be alone while its owner works is not what is best for the dog.

He sounds like he has a lovely life with you, and I would keep him. Whose to say that he'll be passed around on your sister's next whim? She doesn't sound like a very responsible dog owner tbh.

Apologies.
OP, why bother with a thread?

You really don't like her, do you?

Pity they left him behind then....

It’s 100% about the dog. And what is best for it. Which is not returning to OP’s sister.

Reading your updates, it is clear that the dog is better with you but your sister won't see it that way, she just want a quick fix at this time.

I think you need to stall and be diplomatic, getting the wider family to see your side of it, using the sisters situation and how a full time dog will be a burden to her at this time. If you just dig your heals in and make the point that the dog is legally yours then your sister will just get the sympathy vote

Why don’t you both share him, he stays with you guys one week and them the next. He won’t mind as will see both places as home and love you all. It will also mean when it comes to holidays and weekends away, he can stay with the other family. What a lucky pup to have so many people wanting to love him x

You do know that lots of dog owners work? They make arrangements for their dogs and their dogs are happy.

It’s possible the sister will only work P/T anyway. The dog was absolutely fine with it’s family for 3 and 1/2 years.

I think it sounds completely about the dog.

Constant company and another dog V being left alone

It would be very cruel to return the dog. The sister is going to be out a lot between work, school runs, kids hobbies etc.

The sister was leaving the UK for three years. If she wanted to keep ownership of the dog she should have taken it with her, or permanently rehomed it. After that length of time the dog would essentially have belonged to OP and her family - OP knew that, which is why she did what was best for the dog and took permanent ownership. Having done that it’s not her responsibility to return what is essentially her family dog just because her sister’s plans haven’t worked out and she now wants it back.

Dogs are not commodities to be passed between owners on a whim. Owners have a responsibility to do what is best for the animal - in this situation it’s a no brainer that the animal is better off with OP.

And l’m not sure what your slightly ridiculous assertions re-single parents actually means - nobody here thinks people who have no spouse are ‘morally inferior’, or that they shouldn’t have dogs. It’s a matter of what is best for this particular dog - it’s now used to being with a family, it has human company all day and has bonded with the other dog. Putting it back into a situation where it’s alone all day, when that is not what it’s used to isn’t in the best interests of the dog. It’s that simple.

Agree with this. You need to give the dog back in my view.