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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

989 replies

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 08:58

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

OP posts:
ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 12:10

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/09/2026 12:07

Surely there is going to be bad feelings no matter where the dog ends up? Even if OP does give the dog back, she is going to feel pressured by sister and immediate family when that wasn't the agreement, have very upset DC and things are hardly going to be rosy.

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Exactly. As much as I would feel for my sisters’ circumstances I would be mightily pissed off if she put me in this situation. For the last seven months OP and her family have thought the dog to be their own and have bonded with it, only to have sister come back and treat them as though they were convenient dog sitters for seven months - and unpaid. Just no.

Original poster
WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 12:08

LongTallTally · 04/09/2026 11:49

It's interesting that at no point have you addressed the issue of how this will impact on your relationship with your sister and wider family.

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I am concerned about it, but we have a responsibility to do right by the dog that we own. My sister is responsible for herself.

Sending him back to be alone when my sister is working isn’t something I’m prepared to do because it isn’t the right thing for our dog. I also don’t think it’s the right thing for my sister. Her life is upside down, she has work for 3 days, she may need to increase her hours now, my niece and nephew do swimming, dance, football and scouts. She does not have time to look after the dog. She also plans to take the children to see their dad in the school holidays as she won’t send them alone and won’t leave them with him. The idea of having the dog back doesn’t work in reality for her.

I’m going to do something that is wrong for everyone long term to please my sister short term. It’s reassuring that the majority agree.

I want things to be ok with my sister but I’m not putting our dog in a bad situation for that because I’m a responsible owner.

OP posts:
ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 12:08

ClockSure · 04/09/2026 12:03

I guess it depends who you see as a bigger priority, your niece and nephew who have been through an upheaval, or your dog.

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For me, the dog would be the priority. It has no control over what happens to it, which is why its owner is charged with making responsible decisions in its best interests. Which is what OP is doing. It’s not a toy for the comfort of Dsis’ children as much as I sympathise with their situation - that’s emotional blackmail.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/09/2026 12:07

ClockSure · 04/09/2026 11:52

There is definitely a lack of warmth when talking about her sister. There is no attempt to see things from her sister’s point of view or any words of concern about her niece and nephew.

I get that the OP is technically in the right and can keep the dog. And her kids would miss the dogs too, of course. But the cold way she talks about her sister’s family is quite noticeable.

I guess maybe she doesn’t care if it causes the family rift and it won’t bother her.

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Surely there is going to be bad feelings no matter where the dog ends up? Even if OP does give the dog back, she is going to feel pressured by sister and immediate family when that wasn't the agreement, have very upset DC and things are hardly going to be rosy.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 04/09/2026 12:07

BreatheAndFocus · 04/09/2026 10:44

Yes, I have. Just because the dog wanted to carry on playing on the occasion your sister visited doesn’t mean its bond isn’t with them.

You don’t want to read the truth IMO. Keeping her dog is cruel. If you want to do a staggered handover because you think that would be better, then that’s fine, but you seem to be determined to keep a dog that’s not yours just because you have a bit of paper saying you’re the owner. Morally you’re not.

Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel to lose your own dog and have someone refuse to hand it back?

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They gave the dog away! It's not cruel of OP to keep the dog. What on earth?

BrokenWingsCantFly · 04/09/2026 12:06

Definitely not unreasonable. As you say, the dog isn't a toy.

Dogs live such a short time, if she was willing to be parted from him for 3 years of his life she cant care that much. She would be just as willing to give him away again if something else new and exciting come about in the future that meant life would be easier without that commitment.

He is signed over to you, he is your dog now.

UrbanFan · 04/09/2026 12:06

Keep the dog he's yours now. She can rescue another one. And then when it's inconvenient she can had that one to you as well.

ClockSure · 04/09/2026 12:03

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 11:59

It’s quite possible that OP is coming across that way because she’s pissed off with her sister for putting her in this position. Frankly I would be. She agrees to hand the dog over permanently, allows OP to shoulder all the costs, as well as the vet fees and living costs for the last seven months, and then comes back and expects OP to be happy to be treated as though she’s nothing more than an unpaid dog sitter. Not to mention a complete lack of concern for the dog, who’s being passed around like a parcel.

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I guess it depends who you see as a bigger priority, your niece and nephew who have been through an upheaval, or your dog.

Savvysix1984 · 04/09/2026 12:02

darkdaysareover · 04/09/2026 10:24

If she didn’t care enough about the dog to take it with them, then the dog is clearly better off with you.

Agree. I 100% would never consider a move that didn’t include my dog. I’d rather leave my dh 🤣.
I think as you agreed that you having the dog permanently is the important bit. It would be different if you only agreed it would be temporary for the length of her move abroad.

SongOfTheDay · 04/09/2026 12:01

It sounds like the dog is much better off with you, keep him and give him the best life

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 11:59

ClockSure · 04/09/2026 11:52

There is definitely a lack of warmth when talking about her sister. There is no attempt to see things from her sister’s point of view or any words of concern about her niece and nephew.

I get that the OP is technically in the right and can keep the dog. And her kids would miss the dogs too, of course. But the cold way she talks about her sister’s family is quite noticeable.

I guess maybe she doesn’t care if it causes the family rift and it won’t bother her.

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It’s quite possible that OP is coming across that way because she’s pissed off with her sister for putting her in this position. Frankly I would be. She agrees to hand the dog over permanently, allows OP to shoulder all the costs, as well as the vet fees and living costs for the last seven months, and then comes back and expects OP to be happy to be treated as though she’s nothing more than an unpaid dog sitter. Not to mention a complete lack of concern for the dog, who’s being passed around like a parcel.

millymollymoomoo · 04/09/2026 11:58

No way would I be handing the dog back! As she’s out the house 3 full days a week and then for activities she shouldn’t even have a dog !

💯 right to keep him with you where he’s settled, not left alone, has more sauce and doggie company

user1464187087 · 04/09/2026 11:56

Nittersing · 04/09/2026 09:45

My answer would be a bit different if it was my family. I would give the dog back because however much I'd love the dog, I definitely love my sister and her kids more. However my sister wouldn't have asked for the dog back. I'd just offer it in the hope that it would help an awful situation.
Your family dynamic sounds a bit different to mine though.

Very well put, I totally agree.

OneHardyRobin · 04/09/2026 11:56

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 10:52

You said the dog would be ecstatic to see them. He wasn’t.

The dog is however ecstatic when I come back after only being to the loo, or when my daughter comes home from 3 hours at college.

The dog refused to leave the house on a walk with my sister without my husband going with them.

You can twist it if you like, but you're wrong,

Most importantly, I’m not sending him back to be left alone whilst she has go out to work, when he can have constant company and another dog here.

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Putting aside that the dog is clearly very settled with his new human family, I couldn’t separate the two dogs now they are used to having one another, they’d both be heartbroken 💔

ClockSure · 04/09/2026 11:53

And I suspect there is some exaggeration about how bad the dog’s life will be back with her sister.

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 11:53

FilthyforFirth · 04/09/2026 11:47

You sound absolutely insufferable, I am super glad you aren't my sister. Yabu but not really sure why you needed a thread as you have made your mind up. Did you just want to boast about your superior dog rearing skills?! I hope your sister cuts you off.

Why is she insufferable ? Because she bonded with an animal and wants to make sure she’s doing her best for it ? It’s not a matter of superior dog rearing skills - it’s about what’s best for the dog.

ClockSure · 04/09/2026 11:52

LongTallTally · 04/09/2026 11:49

It's interesting that at no point have you addressed the issue of how this will impact on your relationship with your sister and wider family.

Show quote history

There is definitely a lack of warmth when talking about her sister. There is no attempt to see things from her sister’s point of view or any words of concern about her niece and nephew.

I get that the OP is technically in the right and can keep the dog. And her kids would miss the dogs too, of course. But the cold way she talks about her sister’s family is quite noticeable.

I guess maybe she doesn’t care if it causes the family rift and it won’t bother her.

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 11:51

WhisperingHi · 04/09/2026 11:42

Give over. If they hadn’t moved and your sister was working, would you have offered to take it? Called RSPCA because (shock horror) and worker had a dog?

Millions of dog owners work and leave dogs for a few hours, that’s very normal and dogs are absolutely fine with that.

We’re only hearing your side, which you’ve painted to be very rosy indeed. Shame we can’t hear your sister’s side.

Ultimately, it’s your choice as she (felt she had to) sign him over. So you do what you feel is best for everyone. But don’t come moaning on mumsnet when your kids have gained a dog but lost their aunt and cousins as any other family member who sees what you’re doing.

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Of course millions of dog owners who work leave their dogs while they do so. Their dogs will be used to it and are probably perfectly happy. That still doesn’t make it right to return the dog, because it’s glaringly obvious that moving from en environment where it has had human company all day, to one where it’s alone most of the day will have an effect - not to mention that having bonded with the other dog it will fret for it. A poster from a dog rescue centre has posted upthread to that effect - they wouldn’t rehome a dog into an environment where it spends most of its time alone apart from half an hour with a dog walker.

user1464187087 · 04/09/2026 11:50

zurigo · 04/09/2026 09:32

I'm not sure that I would want to fall out with my whole family over a dog! You've only had him 7 months, they had him for 3.5 years, I would give him back. Get a dog yourselves if you really want one.

I agree with you. I wouldn't want to fall out with my family over a dog either and I love animals.
It sounds like her sister is having a hard time as it is.

Paganpentacle · 04/09/2026 11:50

WhisperingHi · 04/09/2026 11:42

Give over. If they hadn’t moved and your sister was working, would you have offered to take it? Called RSPCA because (shock horror) and worker had a dog?

Millions of dog owners work and leave dogs for a few hours, that’s very normal and dogs are absolutely fine with that.

We’re only hearing your side, which you’ve painted to be very rosy indeed. Shame we can’t hear your sister’s side.

Ultimately, it’s your choice as she (felt she had to) sign him over. So you do what you feel is best for everyone. But don’t come moaning on mumsnet when your kids have gained a dog but lost their aunt and cousins as any other family member who sees what you’re doing.

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If sister had handed/signed her dog over to anyone else (ie not family) on a permanent basis.... do you think they would hand the dog back?

LongTallTally · 04/09/2026 11:49

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 10:47

I don’t think being ‘fine’ is enough when it means he’ll be left alone more. The dogs quality of life will go from excellent to much poorer if he goes back due to my sister working and being busy with the kids activities, doing it all by herself.

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It's interesting that at no point have you addressed the issue of how this will impact on your relationship with your sister and wider family.

InYourFunnyYellowShoes · 04/09/2026 11:48

YANBU OP.

Keep the dog. Your DS gave him up and he now has a better life with you.

My friend is here with me and volunteers for an animal rescue centre. She said they wouldn’t give a dog to someone who was going to leave them alone all day with only a short walk.

I think in time your DS will see that it is for the best that the dog remains with you. She is probably just trying to snatch back her old life in any way she can but her life is going to be different without her husband here. A dog would cause a lot of stress. I think she’ll come around, just give her some time.

FilthyforFirth · 04/09/2026 11:47

You sound absolutely insufferable, I am super glad you aren't my sister. Yabu but not really sure why you needed a thread as you have made your mind up. Did you just want to boast about your superior dog rearing skills?! I hope your sister cuts you off.

Caniweartheseones · 04/09/2026 11:47

I’ve read the whole thread and I don’t think you seem authentic- there’s something else here. I agree it’s a low blow to your sister who’s been kicked down (maybe you think she deserved it?) and her children. Give them the dog back at least.

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 11:46

WhisperingHi · 04/09/2026 11:44

As a side note,

If anyone on here works outside of the home, please feel free to drop your dog off at my house permanently. We work from home in a big house so we’ll be best placed to house them and it’s cruel you’re keeping them from having a life with owners at home. Form an orderly queue.

Nobody is saying that. At all.