AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

You are right. I am so sick of people thinking animals are objects that can be moved around with no impact on their wellbeing. They are sentient beings with emotions, attachments and feelings ffs!! Keep the dog, for sure. He / she has settled with you and you are the owners. Stick to your guns. They are all wrong, cruel and selfish for trying to treat an animal like crap. X

If I were your sister, I’d think twice about ever taking you up on your offer to look after her kids

If its microchip is in your name is your dog.

I know it sounds silly but could you ‘ co-parent’ the dog where you both get some time having the dog in your homes and getting to spend time with the dog

It’s refreshing to see someone actually put an animal first for once. Your sister made a deal with you and you only agreed to take the dog based on that. If she changes her plans, that’s not your fault.

I was a single mum with a dog when I first became single mum. It’s not easy and my dog didn’t get the priority care he should have for a period as I had so much else on. At times, I had to let a friend have him for a while because I just couldn’t cope. It’s all sorted now but given your sister was willing to give the dog away once, I wouldn’t risk it.

I would not send a dog back to have a worse life.

They gave the dog away - end of!

This

You haven’t been rude just involved and there is nothing wrong with that. The other poster, hungrylandshark, trying to insinuate there is something unhealthy about you for posting too much on mumsnet is very, very rude and I don’t think mumsnet would take kindly to that. Very nasty.

Some posters have been extremely rude to the OP, calling her a cunt and bad sister etc when she comes across as worried for her sister and wanting to do right by everyone including the dog.

i would absolutely keep him. He sounds happy and sounds like he has a lovely and stable life with your family (& another dog!) who love him. Your sister left him (albeit it in your very safe hands) and although I sure she loves him too she gave him up. Things change in life but it’s not fair to give a dog up, let him get settled and then want to uproot him all over again.

Thank you !! I’ve clearly irritated this poster for some reason. I’m still trying to work out where my twenty pages of aggressive comments are !! Oh, and you didn’t miss the point about the breed specific rescue - I didn’t disagree with the poster on that because I didn’t engage with it. And yes, definitely a post fest 🤣

I’ve read back through my posts and I don’t think I’ve been overly aggressive, and I’ve only been rude in response to posters being rude to me. Swearing isn’t banned by MN and I’ve sworn - very mildly - in three of my posts. And the swearing was more descriptive than directed at other posters.

This is a public forum, I’ve debated with posters, agreed with some and disagreed with others. You’re as entitled to your opinion as I am mine but calling out my ‘behaviour’ as unhealthy is a personal attack - you’ve also questioned my personal circumstances and my reasons for engaging with the thread in a very rude way, so your comments here are all a bit pot, kettle, black, aren’t they ?

And I didn’t disagree with your point about the breed specific rescue - because I didn’t engage with it. I’ll leave it there as I’ve no wish to derail OP’s thread any further.

If she was serious about wanting him back, should have been funding his care.
Sister gets a new dog - there are enough needing a home

OP I have not read all the posts. You sound like a kind and considerate person and dog owner.

Your sister sounds selfish and is weaponising this situation by getting family involved.

I think the best thing for your dog is for him to stay with you.. The relationship with your sister will always be fractured due to her behaviour and your dog deserves better than going back to live with her.

Some are, but planning to leave a dog all day except for a 30 minutes walk with a walker is not taking good care of a dog. It will be left more than that as well because OP has said her sister doesn’t have much support where she is but will need to be taking the children to multiple hobbies,

My friend is a single working mum with a dog, Her dog goes to her parents for the days she works and she has me as backup too. I am having him on Sunday as she will be out for the afternoon and evening She wouldn’t dream of leaving him for 9/10 hours a day with just a 30 minutes walk. It so cruel, more so after a dog has had so much company and another dog as a best pal.

I don’t think anyone is judging single parent families here. It’s more a matter of what the dog in question is used to, and this dog has been used to company during the day when he was with Dsis, and again with OP. Putting him into an environment where his owner is at work all day isn’t in his best interests because that’s not what he’s used to - not because a single parent is in any way unfit to own a dog.

Nah definitely keep the dog, his qol is far superior with you, a half hour walk with a dog walker (which may get cancelled if any financial concerns as a single parent) is not the same as the life he enjoys with your family.

OP you sound like a very responsible dog owner and I think its in the dogs best interest to stay with you and your family in a nice settled home with a companion dog too. I'm sure if the dog had shown more attachment to your DS when she visited and tried taking him out you would have thought differently. I'm sure your DS will see that in the long run. YANBU

She gave the dog to you with very clear understanding that it was permanent. You didn’t ask for her dog, you did it as a favour. She needs to accept the consequences of the decision she made. You are not prepared to make your children lose another dog or give a dog a worse quality of life because she wants to change the agreement that she made.

This thread should be titled

' reminder that no good deed goes unpunished'

OP’s reward is:
Keep him: you’re the heartless aunt who won’t give devastated children their dog back.
Return him: lose the dog you’ve been explicitly encouraged to love as your own.
Family: Have you considered simply doing the right thing? 🙄

For the sake of the dog please keep him.

Quote: We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.
100% This!!!

what is all this bizarre veiled judgement of single parent families? Single parents are perfectly capable of having and taking good care of pets FFS.

I think your sister is completely out of order putting any pressure on this at all. Your family, too. 7 months is a long time, it's not "a few months", and she knew the conditions and agreed to them. And the conditions were very emotionally intelligent on your part, knowing how you'd all be affected once you got attached.

I also feel that if she really loved the dog that much, truly saw him as non-negotiable family, she wouldn't have even ever considered moving somewhere without him! Let alone passing him around various friends. I would never move overseas and leave my dog! Not even for a year!

If she is willing to move closer to you, it could work because maybe she could see the dog, maybe get a full weekend with your dog each month, or whatever you agree to, and work out a kind of "visitation" type thing that suits everyone. She'd probably be much better as a fun auntie kind of thing. She's going to have to come around to it. I also think it's f'ing selfish of her to want him back knowing he's literally just going to be left alone half the week, if not more. But she sounds pretty selfish anyway, if I'm honest (sorry, not trying to bash your sister, but I just feel for you in this situation - and your dog!).

How so ? You said the dog had lived happily with the other family for 3.5 years. That was under different circumstances - the sisters’ husband was working from home and there with the dog. The new circumstances are that sister will be a single mum, at work and the dog will be left alone while she does that. She will also be moving home and ferrying her children backwards and forwards to see their dad in another country. And given how recent the break up is, it’s also possible that they will reconcile and sister will be off abroad again. I don’t think that’s an environment to put any animal into.

@WatchTheStormTouchDown as you only agreed on the condition it was lermanent, I don’t see why she is complaining. If it were a few weeks, that would be different of course.

Aside from her having agreed to ‘permanent’, if you give the dog back, 2 sets of kids will be upset.