Page 13 | AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 2026-09-04T07:58:01+00:00

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here. My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children. When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs. My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him. My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months. We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

SaySomethingMan · 05/09/2026 08:53

ShitFacedShakespeare · 04/09/2026 09:40

I think you're right not to give the dog back as it will have settled with you and your DC.

However, I think this bit is totally unfair....

"He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change"

She doesn't think he's a toy to be passed around. For goodness sake have some empathy for her and her DC.

Agree with this

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 08:52

Packofsix · 05/09/2026 06:54

Honestly, the people saying give it back are clearly not dog people. You are right. Pets are not toys. The dog sounds settled and happy. No way in a gazillion years would I give it back and frankly I would be telling my sister how selfish she was to even suggest it. Draw a line under it, tell her you will not be discussing it anymore and then hopefully she moves on from it

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I have a dog who is the world to me. I think she should give the dog back to its family where it was raised and lived the overwhelming majority of its life.

Longtimelurker1980 · 05/09/2026 08:51

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 07:47

My sister and children are at our house know. It came to crisis point yesterday evening with my sister’s ex calling me worried about her mental health after a conversation they had. I spoke to her and she asked for us to come and get the children as she said she couldn’t go on without her husband. Thankfully she agreed to come home with us too. Obviously I wouldn’t have left her in the state she’s in. We got home at about 2am with them so we are shattered but glad she is here as she needs support. She is saying she wants to go back to her husband and she has made a mistake coming back here. It’s a horrendous situation. The children are currently up already and happily playing with their toys.

Oh op, what a situation. She is all over the place isn’t she. What a mess. I hope you can all work through this together and she can make the right decision for everyone.

but even more important that you keep the dog- she is in no position to look after anyone at the moment and the status quo is best for all.

good luck op.

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 08:46

Ferrit6 · 05/09/2026 08:16

The dogs behaviour during her 3 visits to you were natural as it has a new routine - if it were with its original owners in their home it would slip back into its old routine - this didn’t constitute a fair assessment of it wanting to remain with you at all - as you would need to take it to her home but I think you have made up your mind as others have said - this isn’t about the dog it’s about how your relationship with your sibling is and how much you value salvaging it

Rubbish. The dog ignoring the sister shows that he doesn't miss his old life at all.

How could he slip back into his old routine when now the sister is going to be working 3 days a week leaving him alone and the dad is no longer there?

Longtimelurker1980 · 05/09/2026 08:44

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 12:08

I am concerned about it, but we have a responsibility to do right by the dog that we own. My sister is responsible for herself.

Sending him back to be alone when my sister is working isn’t something I’m prepared to do because it isn’t the right thing for our dog. I also don’t think it’s the right thing for my sister. Her life is upside down, she has work for 3 days, she may need to increase her hours now, my niece and nephew do swimming, dance, football and scouts. She does not have time to look after the dog. She also plans to take the children to see their dad in the school holidays as she won’t send them alone and won’t leave them with him. The idea of having the dog back doesn’t work in reality for her.

I’m going to do something that is wrong for everyone long term to please my sister short term. It’s reassuring that the majority agree.

I want things to be ok with my sister but I’m not putting our dog in a bad situation for that because I’m a responsible owner.

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You are in such a tough situation but I am with you. Dogs make their feelings very clear and yours has done this - his bond and preference is with your family. Sister chose to have him adopted and was willing to leave him (I would never move anywhere that involved leaving my dog). Her circumstances now don’t seem to fit owning any kind of dog - being left all day must be awful. Especially poodles, ours acts like we’ve been to Spain when we’ve been to the loo for 3 minutes. They are loving, bonded, sensitive souls who make their feelings and affiliations very clear.

on every level you are right to keep the dog. The family will get over it. You adopted him. It wasn’t a temporary arrangement. A good owner, in this situation, seeing the animal’s reaction, would think of the best interests of the dog. She isn’t, which is concerning for a dog owner. And makes your decision even more justified.

Stick to your guns. Look after your lovely dog.

MrsBatshitRatshit · 05/09/2026 08:39

Followthesunshine · 04/09/2026 09:48

And what happens the next time she decides to move abroad and leave the dog behind? She chose a life abroad over her commitment to the dog. She then agreed to transfer ownership to you - she didn't have to do that, if the dog meant that much to her she should have stayed in the UK. She made a choice and choices have consequences. I think you are absolutely right to keep the dog.

She chose a life abroad over her commitment to the dog.

Well, more precisely, she chose her relationship with her husband, her children's father, over a dog. Most normal human beings would make the same choice.

Ferrit6 · 05/09/2026 08:36

read all the thread - and get the relationship dynamics a bit better and the concerns - Hope you all get to good outcome that everyone can live with and works out best too for the dog and kids

needastrongone · 05/09/2026 08:34

BigAgeGapIck · 05/09/2026 08:25

@WatchTheStormTouchDown

Seen your update this morning.

Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Glad they’re all with you.

It may be an idea to ask MN to add a note to the OP that it’s evolved and to read the thread before commenting? You’re still getting a lot of junk.

Hope your sister feels better very soon.

I fully agree. The number of posts that are still commenting without at least having read the OP’s updates is quite something.

OP - having read your update, I hope that you are all okay. I’m surprised that other members of your family would think giving the dog back would be beneficial to any party in these circumstances.

And amazed posters think that you are not supporting them all.

BigAgeGapIck · 05/09/2026 08:27

noonames · 05/09/2026 07:56

(Edited having seen your update, original post below. You are doing the right thing. I hope everything settles down for your poor sister. And you! What a lot to have on your plate with MiL too.)

For me the main points are:

. you both agreed it would be permanent

. from your POV this was to protect your children from losing another pet having just experienced this

. she wants him back regardless of the agreement and your children’s feelings

. the dog would often be left alone for long periods, which he has never been used to

. he would not be getting the attention and exercise that standard poodles need

. he would lose his dog pal

. newly separated, living in temporary accommodation, likely moving to a new area, uncertain finances, adjusting to life as a single mum, really upset, not coping very well and with little support, these are not great circumstances in which to take on a dog, for anyone’s sake, especially a standard poodle

. she has form for not putting the dog’s best interests first (not addressing the eye issue, the madcap shared ownership plan)

I would definitely keep him for all these reasons. She doesn’t seem to care about what’s best for the dog, which is not a great attitude imo. Plus the dog is not going to fix the terrible time they’re having anyway, and will probably actually just add to the stress of it all. Keeping him is better for the dog, you, your kids, and your sister’s family too. When things have settled down and they have a permanent home, maybe they can get a dog if it works with their lifestyle. Not your dog though!

Edited

This.

Ethelspagetti · 05/09/2026 08:27

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 07:47

My sister and children are at our house know. It came to crisis point yesterday evening with my sister’s ex calling me worried about her mental health after a conversation they had. I spoke to her and she asked for us to come and get the children as she said she couldn’t go on without her husband. Thankfully she agreed to come home with us too. Obviously I wouldn’t have left her in the state she’s in. We got home at about 2am with them so we are shattered but glad she is here as she needs support. She is saying she wants to go back to her husband and she has made a mistake coming back here. It’s a horrendous situation. The children are currently up already and happily playing with their toys.

The last thing she needs right now is more responsibility and the dog will feel confused if she returns again.

Ferrit6 · 05/09/2026 08:26

You can still help your sibling out but not agree or like their life choices - I know this from experience - that’s not what I was alluding to - The early answers did not indicate a strong bond or empathy but were matter of fact so I was asking a valid question on the dynamics of their relationship which is still valid and not accusatory

BigAgeGapIck · 05/09/2026 08:25

@WatchTheStormTouchDown

Seen your update this morning.

Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Glad they’re all with you.

It may be an idea to ask MN to add a note to the OP that it’s evolved and to read the thread before commenting? You’re still getting a lot of junk.

Hope your sister feels better very soon.

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 05/09/2026 08:21

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 07:47

My sister and children are at our house know. It came to crisis point yesterday evening with my sister’s ex calling me worried about her mental health after a conversation they had. I spoke to her and she asked for us to come and get the children as she said she couldn’t go on without her husband. Thankfully she agreed to come home with us too. Obviously I wouldn’t have left her in the state she’s in. We got home at about 2am with them so we are shattered but glad she is here as she needs support. She is saying she wants to go back to her husband and she has made a mistake coming back here. It’s a horrendous situation. The children are currently up already and happily playing with their toys.

That’s incredibly sad.

But this is also incredibly outing now. I’d think about removing it. If you care about your sister you probably don’t want to be splashing her MH crisis over the internet where it might hit things like the Daily Mail or even get back to her via friends or have your family see.

Ferrit6 · 05/09/2026 08:16

The dogs behaviour during her 3 visits to you were natural as it has a new routine - if it were with its original owners in their home it would slip back into its old routine - this didn’t constitute a fair assessment of it wanting to remain with you at all - as you would need to take it to her home but I think you have made up your mind as others have said - this isn’t about the dog it’s about how your relationship with your sibling is and how much you value salvaging it

redboxer321 · 05/09/2026 08:16

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Doesn't sound like it, does it? Bringing her sister and her kids back to her own home in order to support them. Speaking with the sister's ex. Getting back at 2am which no doubt disrupted her own family life. No, very much sounds to me that the OP doesn't give a shit. Well spotted.

wheresthesnowgone · 05/09/2026 08:14

TheRagingCrumpet · 05/09/2026 07:51

You seem determined to be right. For 3,5 years they owned him he was part of their family that has fallen apart now. Empathy is a thing not everyone has.
It isn’t great for anyone but their situation really sucks. Your family are right, he should go back. You will get over it.

FGS read the OP updates.

Ferrit6 · 05/09/2026 08:09

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LazyBastardFriday · 05/09/2026 08:08

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 05/09/2026 07:47

My sister and children are at our house know. It came to crisis point yesterday evening with my sister’s ex calling me worried about her mental health after a conversation they had. I spoke to her and she asked for us to come and get the children as she said she couldn’t go on without her husband. Thankfully she agreed to come home with us too. Obviously I wouldn’t have left her in the state she’s in. We got home at about 2am with them so we are shattered but glad she is here as she needs support. She is saying she wants to go back to her husband and she has made a mistake coming back here. It’s a horrendous situation. The children are currently up already and happily playing with their toys.

What a sad update.

It does show that you are right not to give the dog back because your sister doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going, quite literally.

Do the children think they’re back for good or that they’re going back to where their dad is? What has she told them?

DollyLeggs · 05/09/2026 08:04

PS I would encourage the sister to home a rescue dog.

DollyLeggs · 05/09/2026 08:02

My dog left heartbroken children when I became his 5th (yes, bloody 5th) owner at 2.5 years old. 6 weeks later he walked past them in the park. He didn't even look at them and we all know that he would have recognised their scent. And there was I, expecting him to go crazy as he is a very affectionate dog.
So NO, don't give the dog back.

Currymaker · 05/09/2026 08:02

Your sister's children have been through so much. Their trauma trumps anything a dog might feel. (And the dog will remember them and probably be so excited to be with them again, no matter how good an owner you are). Explain this to your children - they'll be upset until they see the new furry bundle you fetch them, plus they'll have the bonus of being able to visit their 'old' dog. Good luck, this is a tough one.

Lyraloo · 05/09/2026 07:58

TheRagingCrumpet · 05/09/2026 07:51

You seem determined to be right. For 3,5 years they owned him he was part of their family that has fallen apart now. Empathy is a thing not everyone has.
It isn’t great for anyone but their situation really sucks. Your family are right, he should go back. You will get over it.

Have you actually read the entire post? Regardless of that, this isn’t just about the sister and what she wants, it’s about the dog as well. To many people think they can just get an animal and do what they like with it. If you gave away something, would you expect months later to go to the person and demand it back? No of course you wouldn’t. She voluntarily gave the dog away, that’s on her. The dog is happy and settled, clearly from the updates the sister is not!

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 07:58

TheRagingCrumpet · 05/09/2026 07:51

You seem determined to be right. For 3,5 years they owned him he was part of their family that has fallen apart now. Empathy is a thing not everyone has.
It isn’t great for anyone but their situation really sucks. Your family are right, he should go back. You will get over it.

Let sister and children "get over it". She loved the dog so much she was prepared to leave it for 3 years! No way would I do that nor would almost all true dog lovers

FamBae · 05/09/2026 07:56

Your poor sister, she really is between a rock and a hard place isn't she. I hope whatever decision she makes works out for her and the children. She's lucky to have you op.

noonames · 05/09/2026 07:56

(Edited having seen your update, original post below. You are doing the right thing. I hope everything settles down for your poor sister. And you! What a lot to have on your plate with MiL too.)

For me the main points are:

. you both agreed it would be permanent

. from your POV this was to protect your children from losing another pet having just experienced this

. she wants him back regardless of the agreement and your children’s feelings

. the dog would often be left alone for long periods, which he has never been used to

. he would not be getting the attention and exercise that standard poodles need

. he would lose his dog pal

. newly separated, living in temporary accommodation, likely moving to a new area, uncertain finances, adjusting to life as a single mum, really upset, not coping very well and with little support, these are not great circumstances in which to take on a dog, for anyone’s sake, especially a standard poodle

. she has form for not putting the dog’s best interests first (not addressing the eye issue, the madcap shared ownership plan)

I would definitely keep him for all these reasons. She doesn’t seem to care about what’s best for the dog, which is not a great attitude imo. Plus the dog is not going to fix the terrible time they’re having anyway, and will probably actually just add to the stress of it all. Keeping him is better for the dog, you, your kids, and your sister’s family too. When things have settled down and they have a permanent home, maybe they can get a dog if it works with their lifestyle. Not your dog though!