Page 11 | AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 2026-09-04T07:58:01+00:00

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here. My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children. When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs. My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him. My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months. We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 10:38

BillyBites · 05/09/2026 10:36

What a difficult situation.
@WatchTheStormTouchDown Please ignore all those accusing you of being harsh towards your sister. It sounds to me as if you've been trying very hard to support her all along.
Of COURSE the dog must stay with you - there should be no debate about that in my opinion and all those purporting to have dogs themselves clearly have fuck all idea about responsible ownership. 7 months or 3 years is irrelevant and frankly a made-up argument to have a go at you. Dogs have little concept of time and this chap needs someone like you to understand his situation and advocate for him.
(And don't get me started on those who've suggested your sister gets a rescue dog! Like any reputable rescue agency would let that happen in such an unstable set-up).

."all those purporting to have dogs" ?

🤔🤔

AcrossThisRoom · 05/09/2026 10:36

Your latest update is very sad and I hope your sister can find a way through, You were obviously right to keep the dog OP. It was easy to see that the issue was never the dog from what you said and that she had bigger issues going on. I couldn’t understand anyone saying to return the dog.

BillyBites · 05/09/2026 10:36

What a difficult situation.
@WatchTheStormTouchDown Please ignore all those accusing you of being harsh towards your sister. It sounds to me as if you've been trying very hard to support her all along.
Of COURSE the dog must stay with you - there should be no debate about that in my opinion and all those purporting to have dogs themselves clearly have fuck all idea about responsible ownership. 7 months or 3 years is irrelevant and frankly a made-up argument to have a go at you. Dogs have little concept of time and this chap needs someone like you to understand his situation and advocate for him.
(And don't get me started on those who've suggested your sister gets a rescue dog! Like any reputable rescue agency would let that happen in such an unstable set-up).

Beachtastic · 05/09/2026 10:31

DollyLeggs · 05/09/2026 08:04

PS I would encourage the sister to home a rescue dog.

Given the OP's latest update, I wouldn't be encouraging the sister to home anything right now!

OP, I came down hard on you earlier but can see you're doing the best. Good luck. Hope your sister can find a positive way forward.

Goinggreymammy · 05/09/2026 10:28

It doesn't like you have much empathy or concern for your sister and nephews and nieces.

Im shocked at people saying you should have little as possible to do with people in your family because of a dog - they are "sentinent beings" too.

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 10:21

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 10:17

Between 3 different people!!! Oh yes I am sure the dog would have been ecstatic to lose its owners and live in 3 different houses. It was a ridiculous suggestion and the majority of people would realise that.

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It wasn't a good idea and presumably why the sister didn't pursue it. Simply considering something and then not doing it is not a reason to condemn anyone. It sounds like sister was in a tough situation and trying to balance her husbands job against not losing her dog. I can't understand why people are being so vicious.

Hivernal · 05/09/2026 10:20

You speak about your sister with contempt, wrapped up in a condescending blanket of "I know what she needs better than she does". You should get this thread deleted before this "very outing situation" gets back to her or your family, and stop posting about her mental health crisis in a public forum.

AcquadiP · 05/09/2026 10:18

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2026 07:45

Why do some people keep acting like if OP gives the dog back, the relationships will all magically be fine? That isn't going to happen. OP will resent the fact that her sister demanded the dog back in the first place when the agreement was clear, she will resent the rest of the family for pressuring her to give the dog back and her own kids will have to live with the cruelty of losing another dog when they already lost one not long ago which most definitely won't be what they remember as kindness throughout their lives. They would also know that OP put their cousins feelings before their own which could also potentially cause issues.

Lets be real here. The minute OP's sister asked for the dog back, a rift was always going to happen no matter what.

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You raise some really good points here @SouthLondonMum22

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 10:17

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 10:14

Her considering a dog share

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Between 3 different people!!! Oh yes I am sure the dog would have been ecstatic to lose its owners and live in 3 different houses. It was a ridiculous suggestion and the majority of people would realise that.

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 10:16

LazyBastardFriday · 05/09/2026 09:22

Cos some have made themselves look stupid so they want it gone. It was obvious early on that OPs sister wasn’t coping and that the dog was better off with the OP, but some people kept on insisting the dog should be returned.

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I could not agree more. Not sure if all the stupid posts were from people who don't care about or understand dogs or, more likely, people who don't read the whole thread. So common on here and drives me mad

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 10:14

Sereine · 05/09/2026 09:57

What arrangements do you claim OP has weaponised?

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Her considering a dog share

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 10:14

Sereine · 05/09/2026 09:56

Why don't you read all OP's posts?

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I have :). Although couldn't read the ones written after that post before I wrote it 🙃

Yellowcucumber · 05/09/2026 10:14

If your sister had been that worried about the dog, they would’ve taken him originally when they moved.

Looking at quality of life for the dog, he’s bonded with you and your dog. You’re around much more and your sister is rebuilding her life. If she was thinking about buying a dog and explained her life people would say don’t get a dog as you’re a busy single parent who is out the house three days a week and a dog would be lonely.

I would keep the dog. I can understand why your sister wants him back but he’s not a toy. It sounds like he’d be left alone a lot. If you did give the dog back, I wouldn’t put it past her to come back to you after having the dog for a few months saying it’s too much work, she has to leave him lots, she can’t afford the dog walker, the kids need taking to activities, that the dog is unhappy because he misses your dog.

SaltyandSweet · 05/09/2026 10:13

WatchTheStormTouchDown · 04/09/2026 09:48

He has seen them 3 times. The first time he was a little excited for a minute and then went back to lie on the sofa with our other dog. The second time he stayed in the garden and wouldn’t go to her when she called him as he was playing with my son and other dog. The third time she tried to take him on a walk and he wouldn’t leave the house without my husband. 😞

If he had seemed to want to be with them, we would have been more likely to think more about it but he didn’t.

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I think this swings it for me. I couldnt imagine my dog not being insanely happy and wanting to be with me after a separation of only 7 months. The fact that this dog wasnt ecstatic and trying to leave with them speaks volumes about how happy he is with you. Definitely keep him. Your sister/her kids will get used to the idea.

ForeverPombear · 05/09/2026 10:01

I don't think you've done anything wrong at all and I think you're putting the dog first which your sister isn't.

Your sister sounds like she's in an awful place right now and maybe thinks that having the dog back will make her feel better.

If I were you I'd stick to my guns and not give the dog back and do exactly what you're doing now with your sister and being there for her. I actually think she's very lucky to have a sister like you.

Sereine · 05/09/2026 09:57

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 09:38

Other arrangements which OP has weaponised against her sister to paint her as an irresponsible dog owner! Her sister can't win. I agree that after 3 years it would be a lot to return the dog, but it's only been 7 months!

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What arrangements do you claim OP has weaponised?

Sereine · 05/09/2026 09:56

Lacksie · 04/09/2026 12:33

Your sister has lost her marriage; her children their father and family. Do you really want them to lose their dog too?? The dog has only been with you 7 months. Why don't you get a puppy?

Why don't you read all OP's posts?

KitchenBallet · 05/09/2026 09:52

I’m glad your sister and children are with you OP and I hope they are ok. I also hope that having the majority of people on the vote saying that the dog should stay with you has helped amongst some of the nasty and batshit replies you have received.

Obviously the dog stays with you an dthat should never have been in question under the circumstances. You can now concentrate on helping your sister going forward. It sounds like a messy situation, but whether she goes abroad again or stays here, I am sure she will value your support.

MyHazelOtter · 05/09/2026 09:51

Dogs pick up on low mood, depression and chaos. Leave him where he is settled

Tinkalinkalink · 05/09/2026 09:44

Ops sister needs mental health intervention. Dog stays with you now he is settled. Cruel to the dog to uproot him again.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2026 09:43

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 09:38

Other arrangements which OP has weaponised against her sister to paint her as an irresponsible dog owner! Her sister can't win. I agree that after 3 years it would be a lot to return the dog, but it's only been 7 months!

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It does make her sister an irresponsible dog owner to ask someone to look after your dog for 3 years and expect the dog back at the end of it.

KitchenBallet · 05/09/2026 09:43

LazyBastardFriday · 05/09/2026 09:22

Cos some have made themselves look stupid so they want it gone. It was obvious early on that OPs sister wasn’t coping and that the dog was better off with the OP, but some people kept on insisting the dog should be returned.

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I agree with this. Some posters have gone really OTT when insisting the dog was returned. Even when OP said her sister was really struggling to cope, they dug their heels in and still insisted the dog should go back when it was obvious that wasn’t appropriate. Some people completely lost it on the thread calling OP names and making up scenarios. It’s strange behaviour and I’m not sure what to make of it. Now some people are still trying to twist OPs update. They should look at their own bad behaviour rather than OPs, who clearly cares for her sister.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 05/09/2026 09:39

I would suggest a 50/50 custody arrangement for the dog, that way you always have a trusted dog dog sitter going on holidays, both families can enjoy the dog, it works with children, surely it can work with a dog. Double the love.

Lacksie · 05/09/2026 09:38

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2026 09:35

Caring people don't ask their sister to temporarily care for their dog for THREE YEARS without offering to pay a penny and then expect the dog back at the end of it. OP was right to put her foot down and say it would have to be permanent because it wasn't fair to anyone otherwise (OP, her kids who have already lost a dog and the dog).

OP didn't force her though, other arrangements were available.

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Other arrangements which OP has weaponised against her sister to paint her as an irresponsible dog owner! Her sister can't win. I agree that after 3 years it would be a lot to return the dog, but it's only been 7 months!

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2026 09:35

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 05/09/2026 09:26

Caring people don’t out their sisters breakdown on the internet. Paint OP like a saint if you want. She might have done right by the dog, at a very basic level, but she has certainly never put her sister first from the say she forced her sister to hand over the dog ferment (even though her sister didn’t want to) to today where she needlessly told us all about her sisters breakdown.

The only reason OP has done so is to make more people support her initial decision. No one who loved their sister would have done what OP has this morning. It’s one thing to share struggles, it’s quite another to be quite so outing about a life that is not your own.

But by all means, carry on insulting people…

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Caring people don't ask their sister to temporarily care for their dog for THREE YEARS without offering to pay a penny and then expect the dog back at the end of it. OP was right to put her foot down and say it would have to be permanent because it wasn't fair to anyone otherwise (OP, her kids who have already lost a dog and the dog).

OP didn't force her though, other arrangements were available.