AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

Just a suggestion. Read the thread.

Cancel the cheque.

Just a suggestion. Give doggo back and go buy one of your own.

Sis has enough on her plate.

Ask yourself "How would I feel in the same situation.?"

After all, her whole life has been turned upside down.

A little bit of sisterly love wouldn't go amiss here. And you should bear in mind the acriomony that will wreck your family life if you maintain your "position".

@WatchTheStormTouchDown You don't need other people to validate your decision, but if you did, you have it in oodles.

Your sister is in a very emotional, volatile state and simply doesn't know what to do and is grasping at straws to find some sign of happiness for her kids. You seem a loving sister, that wants to support her emotionally but will not validate and encourage bad moves that may cause her further difficulties down the line , and that is as it should be.

She is already saying she wants to go back to her husband so she is proving your point that the dog will have consistency with you.

I hope your sister finds her direction soon and despite the initial arguments over this, it sounds like she needs the very boundaries you are trying to put in place to keep her on an even keel.

What a difficult and upsetting situation for you all, OP. Your last update makes it clear you are doing the right thing by the dog and your sister. I’m sorry your wider family aren’t supporting you. I hope they can now see your sister is in no fit state to take on a dog. Everything is up in the air and it sounds as if she may return to her husband.
I hope you are getting support yourself in all of this. It’s a stressful time. I’d be stopping all conversations and conflicts about the dog until your sister’s MH improves and she has some stability in her life.
I’d say “let’s leave DDog out of things while everything is in flux. DDog is safe and well looked after here and DNs can visit and spend time with DDog here. The important thing just now is to support you (DS) and the DNs while you decide on a way forward”.

I’d communicate this to wider family too and then shut down all conversation about DDog. Good luck. I hope you all get through this difficult time and DS’s DH steps up for his family.

But genuinely, moving a dog every 2 weeks to a different house (I wouldn’t call
it a home) is not something you’d even consider is it? I’d certainly not if I were to have to leave my dog if I moved. So just an honest assessment. If you were to suggest that to a rescue that wouldn’t be a home life they’d engage with in any circumstance?

Yeah, she has done nothing for her sister, absolutely nothing, not a thing. 🙃

I have brothers. And a dog. There is no way in hell I’d jeopardise my relationship with my brothers for a dog, and I do love my dog.
YABU.

Oh so you could be bothered to go back through the posts to prove me wrong!

Well no one with any sense and who loved their dog would not even consider such a bonkers idea.

I would criticise and judge any of my family that upped and left their supposed loved pet, didn't pay anything towards its upkeep and then came back demanding the dog back. Oh and let's not forget the eye problem the sister ignored

She's called a spade a spade as far as the dog goes.

If you read all of the OP's updates you'll see the answer to this.

If you had read the thread you will have seen that the sister has visited a couple of times and the dog has not been interested in her. In fact it refused to go on a walk with her! Says it all really

This is what OP said:

One of the other options they were considering for him when they moved was some sort of a dog share among 3 sets of friends where one set had him for 2 weeks and then he would go to the next lot of friends. She’d didn’t do it but she did consider it, so I’m very justified in my comments about passing him around like a toy

Shes done nothing but criticise and judge her sister , accusing her of being awful to her dog and a bad mother.

Completely agree.

Wishing you and all members of your family the very best OP, I hope your sister starts to feel better and more positive very soon.
The dog is exactly where he should be and where he's happy.

You own a dog. The dog is settled with you. Your sister is asking you to give your dog to her. If you do that, you and your family, including children will be upset. You dont want to give your dog away. The children dont want to give.the dog away.

I dont think you are being unreasonable.

If the dig hadnt settled and/or if you didnt have young kids who would be upset by their dog being taken away, I would think you were being unreasonable.

Let the dog decide? We have a poodle, and she is very much bonded wth us after 4 years. Even if she went to lve wth someone else for 7 months, I know she would choose my children over anyone because they are her siblings. Why not see what the dog does when meeting them all. Who does he want to leave with?

You should read the thread, to be honest.

YABU and extremely mean, to be honest.

How do you get that from knowng absolutely nothing.

OP has taken on a dog that she wasn’t ready for because she saw him as family, she has listened to her sister when she has cried on the phone to her, she has said she is desperate to make things better for her sister, has offered her help with childcare and anything else she needs, listened to sisters exes concerns for her sister, has driven overnight to bring her sister and children to her house to look after them when her sister said she couldn’t cope and will now help her sort her life out. She has also been wise enough to recognise that her sister is not the best person to own the dog and thought of her own children’s feelings.

I think OPs empathy levels are good.

I'm glad that your sister is safe with you. I hope that she moves closer to you so that you and your family can support her going forward. That way your children can also grow up together and all have lots of access to their dog. I've read through all of the posts and very quickly realised this isn't about the dog, it's about your sister and it's clear that she needs more help, not a dog to look after. It takes a village and all that. Sending love and support.

Pretty sure OP said she talked the sister out of the idea of 3 people dog sharing (can't be bothered to go back and try and find the post).

No one who loved their dog and had any sense at all would think 3 different people sharing a dog was a good idea, not even for a second.

Is it? They were happy to leave him for THREE years.

Do you live near enough that you can share the dog? If so, I would compromise and suggest keeping the dog on the days she works, and she have the dog on the days she's not at work. That way both sets of children get to spend time with the dog.

When I was a young child, we looked after a dog whose owner was in prison. I understood we were looking after the dog because the owner wasn't able to at that time, but always knew that the owner would take the dog back eventually.

This can be a learning experience for your children. They have their own dog, so wouldn't be dogless. They can surely have empathy for their cousins who have lost their family unit and dog, are grieving that, and are adjusting to a new way of life.

Well, owning a dog, (supposing that's true and not just bandied about in an attempt to add weight to an opinion) does not automatically mean you know what you're talking about.

"It doesn't like you have much empathy or concern for your sister and nephews and nieces."
Yeah, so little that she drove through the night to pick them up and bring them to her house to stay for an extended period as their mother was in crisis.