AIBU to feel upset and insulted? What should I have said?

I would have said something like ‘I can always lose weight but you’ll always be an asshole’

‘I’m surprised you feel comfortable saying that’ is helpful too.

Omg

This is the best one 🤣

"Developed five nasty medical conditions simultaneously".

Then maybe loudly ask his wife if he's got some kind of brain injury.

Dreadful behaviour from a socially inept fool, I am so sorry OP.
I have put on weight over the years because of my much more minor medical conditions than yours and honestly you have my total sympathy.
I hope all these positive responses out weigh the words of one stupid and no doubt ragingly unsuccessful man.

My best response to any insult / cunty comment is to give a scathing look, pause and say “this is why no one likes you”.

Especially effective on the sort of insecure people who say shit like this as they will always wonder if it’s true and will hopefully eat them up inside.
I’m sorry that happened to you, what a vile man.

Definitely, the first thing is to make them repeat themselves and clarify the remark, make sure everyone hears what they are saying.

"How do you mean, what have I done to myself?

Sadly OP I am not surprised this happened. People treat overweight people terribly sometimes and unfortunately you saw the worst of it. This guy is obviously a horrible rude man but you said the women in the social group ignored you too. They are almost as bad. I don't think a smart come back would have helped to be honest, because it would only provoke another come back and in his dumb head it would be classified as just 'banter'. If you really want to unnerve him i think you could reply to his comment very seriously and sincerely 'I've had serious health issues and gained weight as a result, so what happened to you?' And when he splutters and asks what you mean you could say 'you seem to have lost basic social skills since hitting middle age, is everything alright?'

How horrible for you. I would have said does it make you feel good to be so unkind?

The psychology of making them repeat themselves when someone makes a nasty crack is very powerful. You keep picking at it like a scab and forcing them again and again to repeat/explain in an apparently insouciant manner. The other becomes more and more exposed and angry. Eventually they will give up and walk off. At the same time you gain power over them. It can be very enjoyable to humiliate someone who sought to bully and humiliate you.

I am so sorry you had to experience that nastiness, Op. The plain truth is that some people (men and women) think that it's ok to comment on a woman's appearance. It's shit. I do know how you feel. At one point I was morbidly obese and the amount of judgement I received from some people was unbelievable. I could be just minding my own business walking down the street and would receive nasty comments from complete strangers. Mostly men but not always.

Glad that your husband is supportive.

Well it's easy for us to come up with responses because we're not in the moment and shocked and hurt. So don't beat yourself up further for not having the perfect comeback. But honesty and directness often works well.

"What a hurtful thing to say. I have a lot of health problems but I haven't done anything to myself." And then if he makes an excuse you can say, "I am still me. Please think about the impact of your words".

OP that is awful.

imagine looking him in the eyes smiling and saying in your sweetest voice ‘oh I acquired some health issues that made me gain weight, but you….when did you become such a rude c**t’

I think sometimes witty responses and comebacks run the risk of stooping to the other person’s level and being insulting when you are actually a nice person.
I usually find a simple “that was rude…” to be effective, and if the person backtracks or says it was a joke, then “maybe you should think a bit harder about what’s coming out of your mouth” is a good end to the conversation before simply walking off. It feels better to be blunt, not engage and walk away than hit back or have to stay longer talking to someone who has just upset me

I don’t think there is a response that will change you feeling bad about what he said because what he said was horrible.

But a lot of being kind to yourself will allow you to feel a bit better after.

As you get on you realise that people can behave in the most unbelievably unpleasant and shitty ways. If you realise that is on them and about them that is usually for the best. Don’t take the words of a person who is a shit to heart, that is their problem not yours.

I would have said, "These medical conditions are my excuse what's yours?"

It would be a terrible response anyway because the guy would immediately say "grown out more like!"

Best to just stand up and walk away.

I think that the MN classic 'did you mean to be so rude?' would have been the perfect response here.

I’m quite good at a witty response usually but I wouldn’t bother with this guy. I’d go with the truth.

“I’m seriously ill. Now what’s your excuse for being so rude?”

Yes. I think the PP meant this.

Sorry you were left upset OP. It was a horrible thing to say. I'm glad your DH supported you

Some people are utter pricks! So sorry you’re had to deal with one. Have a good response I’d he, doubtfully, manages to apologise …. Maybe something along the lines of ‘next time you decide to berate a woman about their weight, why don’t you engage what tiny brain you have lurking in your thick head that perhaps people have health issues, and consider yourself very lucky that you don’t have them … fuckwit
good luck and hugs re all hour health issues

I think I read it differently to others.
Him: What have you done to yourself?
OP: Grown up.

Fuck off is a full and valid response. I'm sorry some arsehole has made you feel shitty, but it's great the DH has your back.

I don’t think the aggressive, sweary responses are good. It’s the lamest form of being defensive. It makes it look like he’s right - that the weight is a problem because clearly it’s upsetting you.

The bit to take issue with is him being rude. No one should be commenting negatively on appearance in a social situation like that
I agree ask him casually to repeat it. If he’s rude enough to do so, pause, and ask concernedly if he’s a bit drunk. If he carries on laugh or sigh and “well you always were a charmer Dave” before walking off or “does that mean the affairs off ” depending on the level of banter before and walk off. Cause he’s embarrassing, not because you are.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm sending you hugs. I was working and a colleague, who I didn't know that welll, came up to me and said "what have you done to yourself". I replied "what do you mean" and she said "you've put in weight" all the time looking me up and down. I had put on half a stone! She said I had "let myself go". I was distraught and phoned up my husband, who was shocked and said " what did she get from saying that". I refused to work the rest of the shift with her and made sure all the other staff knew what she had said. She caught up with me later and apologised and I repeated what my husband had said, " what did you get from saying that". She said that I had a really good figure so was worried that I had put on weight. I was about 10 1/2 stone. This woman was shorter than me and must have been six stone heavier, so that just added to the shock. Again, I'm sorry this happened to you, it is something that I have never forgotten. And thankful that your husband had worked with him.