AIBU to feel resentful about repeated maternity leave cover at work

Kedgey55 · 2026-09-03T21:28:31+00:00

Posting this here to get a different perspective and I'm aware this may sound controversial. I'm 39 F no kids (by choice), never really felt any desire to have them. I'm a healthcare professional. Lately I've found myself getting more and more frustrated by what seems like an endless conveyerbelt of maternity leave to sort and cover for. Since I'm in healthcare it's challenging to get cover so often staff left behind including myself are left to pick up the slack. In my department we've barely been able to do much development work in over 5 years as a result. In an extreme case, an entire service is on hold basically until the manager returns from mat leave. I really don't want to feel like this but it is really hard to not feel resentful of women for this. I know it's awful but I can see why people would prefer to employ men. And I'm frustrated by the fact that women then seemingly always return part time while the husband/partner remains full time. Returning part time creates a whole host of other issues. And it disappoints me that there is not more sharing of the work/childcare split between men and women. And then of course when so many women return part time, obviously this limits future opportunities so this probably goes some way to explain the gender pay gap. I realise that there needs to be equal mat and pat leave to encourage this to be shared more equally between men and women and until we have that, of course it makes financial sense for the woman to stay off work for longer. And I realise it is not womens fault we don't get mat cover- that is an organisational and national funding issue. But it sometimes feels like the challenges the staff not on mat leave face are unacknowledged and I think this is what irritates me the most. It feels like there is a whole load of noise surrounding women's rights regarding mat cover, flexible working, childcare, equal pay etc etc, but there is never any acknowledgment of the significant challenges linked to all this, which unfortunately are a reality. I'm not saying these things should go (ofc they shouldn't) but some acknowledgment of the complexities of the issues and the burden placed on other staff would be nice sometimes. Just needed to rant and tell me if I'm being unreasonable :)

Annie578 · 05/09/2026 18:11

Kedgey55 · 05/09/2026 16:26

Ok I wasn't going to respond but this is annoying.

yes I have a biology degree and I understand the fundamental differences in men and women's roles in reproduction. My statement is clearly about personality traits and roles in society. 2)no obviously there needs to be a sufficient recovery period after giving birth. I'm talking about after that. Breastfeeding obviously is a relevant factor as I'm well aware that men can't do that.
why is it that I'm not like other 'girls'? You're grouping girls together as if they are all the same. Yes I'm not like some other girls but I'm not like some other boys, I'm an individual as we all are. This was sort of my whole point.

But that's it, over and out. I'm obviously getting one half of the parenting community coming at me for even daring to question anything about women's rights and choices. FYI us women without children are judged just as much for this choice/not choice as women are for returning to work part time or being a SATM. Those with children probably don't understand what this is like constantly having to explain a choice that goes against societal norms and conditioning. Just as I can't imagine what it's like going through childbirth. It's tiresome and yes this probably feeds into my frustration.

I just wanted a rant and probably in an argumentative mood but I have better things to do than post or argue with people on mumsnet, can't quite believe I'm writing that anyway.

Show quote history

Honestly you don’t appear to understand the fundamental differences as ‘personality traits’ won’t override those. Yes some Mums want to return early, not breastfeed and bounce back like pregnancy and some dads want to do half or more of the childcare and they can do whatever works for them. I only know of one Dad who took any paternity above statutory and that was because it was full paid on top of his wife’s maternity leave - she still took 12 months.

NHS management likes to say certain roles are impossible for part time/flexible working but you go in to the private sector and see that many requests are totally possible. And in the NHS when staff leave because they weren’t allowed to drop a day or two and then nobody is recruited services still run. Management still expect staff to do all the same work with building resentment when they could have been running with an extra part time member of staff that would have taken some of that burden, but stubborn managers would rather they’re running with a vacancy they may never fill (because who in their right minds wants to work in the NHS anymore especially in a rigid service).

And if funding for maternity cover is inadequate/too slow that is still an NHS funding/management issue just higher up.

MissChanandlerBonng · 05/09/2026 17:11

Basically you’ve come on a forum for Mums to rant that women should give up half of their mat leaves to share with the father (presumably he should also agree) because it annoys you, a childless person, that most women do not ‘go against the grain’ as you see it, and completely share everything in childcare.

Why do you possibly imagine anyone will comply because it’s what you want?

WhatNoRaisins · 05/09/2026 16:52

I can't imagine there are many new mums who decide what to do workwise based on what will make life easier for their colleagues. I mean I doubt that there are many people in general making their own work related decisions based on the needs of their colleagues. That's why you need good management to oversee this and that's hard when management are also looking at how to cut costs.

liftingprincess · 05/09/2026 16:51

You do realise you are moaning about maternity leave on a mums forum….oh the irony.

rathersleepy · 05/09/2026 16:40

Kedgey55 · 05/09/2026 16:26

Ok I wasn't going to respond but this is annoying.

yes I have a biology degree and I understand the fundamental differences in men and women's roles in reproduction. My statement is clearly about personality traits and roles in society. 2)no obviously there needs to be a sufficient recovery period after giving birth. I'm talking about after that. Breastfeeding obviously is a relevant factor as I'm well aware that men can't do that.
why is it that I'm not like other 'girls'? You're grouping girls together as if they are all the same. Yes I'm not like some other girls but I'm not like some other boys, I'm an individual as we all are. This was sort of my whole point.

But that's it, over and out. I'm obviously getting one half of the parenting community coming at me for even daring to question anything about women's rights and choices. FYI us women without children are judged just as much for this choice/not choice as women are for returning to work part time or being a SATM. Those with children probably don't understand what this is like constantly having to explain a choice that goes against societal norms and conditioning. Just as I can't imagine what it's like going through childbirth. It's tiresome and yes this probably feeds into my frustration.

I just wanted a rant and probably in an argumentative mood but I have better things to do than post or argue with people on mumsnet, can't quite believe I'm writing that anyway.

Show quote history

No one cares about your reproductive choices. You’re the one with a chip on your shoulder about other people’s.

Weirdwonderfully · 05/09/2026 16:40

Kedgey55 · 05/09/2026 16:26

Ok I wasn't going to respond but this is annoying.

yes I have a biology degree and I understand the fundamental differences in men and women's roles in reproduction. My statement is clearly about personality traits and roles in society. 2)no obviously there needs to be a sufficient recovery period after giving birth. I'm talking about after that. Breastfeeding obviously is a relevant factor as I'm well aware that men can't do that.
why is it that I'm not like other 'girls'? You're grouping girls together as if they are all the same. Yes I'm not like some other girls but I'm not like some other boys, I'm an individual as we all are. This was sort of my whole point.

But that's it, over and out. I'm obviously getting one half of the parenting community coming at me for even daring to question anything about women's rights and choices. FYI us women without children are judged just as much for this choice/not choice as women are for returning to work part time or being a SATM. Those with children probably don't understand what this is like constantly having to explain a choice that goes against societal norms and conditioning. Just as I can't imagine what it's like going through childbirth. It's tiresome and yes this probably feeds into my frustration.

I just wanted a rant and probably in an argumentative mood but I have better things to do than post or argue with people on mumsnet, can't quite believe I'm writing that anyway.

Show quote history

It is a woman’s right to stay at home with her children however long she pleases and funnily enough it’s a woman’s choice. Many nurseries take on from 6 months so they have options but would you guess? They are not taking them they want to stay at home because it’s their choice it has fuck all to do with woman’s rights and being equal. I am not willing to give my time up with my baby for someone like you who is absolutely talking out of her arse

Weirdwonderfully · 05/09/2026 16:36

Kedgey55 · 05/09/2026 00:23

As expected I've clearly stirred up a lot of emotions. I actually completely agree with most of the comments here. I was venting frustration, which I think I'm allowed to feel. And I would never in my wildest dreams actually act on employing a man over a woman or discriminate on this basis or not allow someone to come back part time.

But there is a reality that it isn't as straightforward as some of you make out. There are some high-level jobs which are just simply extremely difficult to do well, or certainly to the same standard, on a part-time basis. For example as a hypothetical, what if your child had 3 teachers, each working 1-2 days a week and job sharing, I doubt the teachers would be able to get to grips with your child's needs in the same way as 1 full-time teacher and it probably wouldn't be a satisfactory experience. Yes this is a hypothetical and somewhat extreme example but I'm just demonstrating the point. Yes the school could have a fantastic plan in place to support this and make it work well with funding etc, but we all know the reality.

A lot of you say I'm expressing frustration at the wrong people and the issue is with management. Yes that's correct. But herein lies the issue - you assume that management can just fix and sort this problem, there isn't a huge amount of consideration for how this works. I am management and I can't fix it! Hands are tied by higher ups in huge organisations like NHS and ultimately tied by the government and spending. Even if we put out mat cover, the child would be 2 before someone is employed! And some jobs are just so specialist, it is nigh on impossible to recruit on a temporary basis. I am thinking outside the box in every way to try to prevent this becoming such an issue in future. It is really really difficult in the public sector.

Some of you say that you wanted a year off with baby, it's not just the finances. Fair enough, but this does mean your partner had to sacrifice potentially his desire to have a year off with baby. I am totally fine with that being the choice, but I just wish it were an equal choice. If I had a child, I would want all options on the table with my partner- I go back to work, he goes back to work, split it. And this is the issue I probably have with equal rights. I believe in equal rights, but and perhaps naively, to me this means equality in every way. I want all the options available to men but I also believe they should have equal access and expectation to be able to do the options more typically chosen by women. This is true equality. I have never believed that men and women are fundamentally different and have different roles to play, we all have individual personalities. How much of the expectations of a man compared to a woman is due to nature or nurture could be debated endlessly. I suppose I am frustrated by more people (men &women) not 'going against the grain' of the typical gender roles. But maybe that's just me, I've never felt compelled to do anything simply because it was typical or expected of a woman, and I've never had much care for tradition or conformity.

There was a final theme I wanted to respond to which was someone saying that carrying on the species is literally the meaning of life, not work. OK so by saying this, someone could infer it to mean that everyone without children has less meaning in their life. I think at this stage of the modern world, we have somewhat transcended the purpose of life being solely procreation. No one choose this as their only goal in life if they have the means to have other things. There are many ways to have meaning in one's life and this is individual. It could be work, friends, family, travel, spirituality, voluntary work, hobbies etc etc. I do personally get a huge amount of fulfilment from my work, present frustrations aside.

So I expected to get a lot of disagreement, but let's not pretend this isn't a complicated issue with a lot of nuances :)

I can assure you my child’s father doesn’t desire to have a year off work to be a house person. My sisters partner the same my dad the same my brothers dad the same… my nephew and nieces dad the same. You don’t have a clue about anything clearly just a sore manager that wished women put their work
above their children which rarely happens

Original poster

Kedgey55 · 05/09/2026 16:26

Puffinsandcoffee · 05/09/2026 09:15

@Kedgey55 I have never believed that men and women are fundamentally different and have different roles to play.
Have you heard of the vagina? It's the hole that babies come out of. Men don't have one. Men and women have fundamentally different roles to play when it comes to reproduction, which is pretty relevant to your OP.

Some of you say that you wanted a year off with baby, it's not just the finances. Fair enough, but this does mean your partner had to sacrifice potentially his desire to have a year off with baby. I am totally fine with that being the choice, but I just wish it were an equal choice.
The day my partner gives birth to a baby, I'd take seriously his desire to have a year off with it. Are you seriously suggesting that a mother should have to discuss going back to work, while she has an open wound the size of a dinner plate inside her, and stitches holding her vulva together, so that her husband can have an "equal choice": Do you honestly think that's a feminist statement? I think it's you who's not seeing the nuance here.

I suppose I am frustrated by more people (men &women) not 'going against the grain' of the typical gender roles. But maybe that's just me,
Yeah, we get it. You're not like other girls. A true boardroom feminist.

Ok I wasn't going to respond but this is annoying.

yes I have a biology degree and I understand the fundamental differences in men and women's roles in reproduction. My statement is clearly about personality traits and roles in society. 2)no obviously there needs to be a sufficient recovery period after giving birth. I'm talking about after that. Breastfeeding obviously is a relevant factor as I'm well aware that men can't do that.
why is it that I'm not like other 'girls'? You're grouping girls together as if they are all the same. Yes I'm not like some other girls but I'm not like some other boys, I'm an individual as we all are. This was sort of my whole point.

But that's it, over and out. I'm obviously getting one half of the parenting community coming at me for even daring to question anything about women's rights and choices. FYI us women without children are judged just as much for this choice/not choice as women are for returning to work part time or being a SATM. Those with children probably don't understand what this is like constantly having to explain a choice that goes against societal norms and conditioning. Just as I can't imagine what it's like going through childbirth. It's tiresome and yes this probably feeds into my frustration.

I just wanted a rant and probably in an argumentative mood but I have better things to do than post or argue with people on mumsnet, can't quite believe I'm writing that anyway.

OP posts:

Iwouldlikesomecake · 05/09/2026 13:41

The problem in the NHS is that while it’s the woman’s right to take a year off, the department rarely receives the full amount of money to ‘backfill’ so for a 1 WTE member of staff they will only backfill 0.8WTE so even if the staff are there to recruit, you’re still short staffed. It’s then long and time consuming to recruit and the more specialist the role the more difficult it is. So people go on mat leave and don’t even have a chance to hand over. This isn’t always ‘a manager’ at fault but centralised overworked HR, systems that are slow and cumbersome and filling every vacancy having to be justified no matter the reason. That takes more time. Most of this work of recruitment etc has to be done by people who are also working clinically.

So yeah- while I don’t resent any of my colleagues having babies, it does create a lot of extra strain on services and those still there- that’s not their fault but let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen or that it’s just ‘an incompetent manager’.

ScaryM0nster · 05/09/2026 12:40

Kedgey55 · 05/09/2026 00:23

As expected I've clearly stirred up a lot of emotions. I actually completely agree with most of the comments here. I was venting frustration, which I think I'm allowed to feel. And I would never in my wildest dreams actually act on employing a man over a woman or discriminate on this basis or not allow someone to come back part time.

But there is a reality that it isn't as straightforward as some of you make out. There are some high-level jobs which are just simply extremely difficult to do well, or certainly to the same standard, on a part-time basis. For example as a hypothetical, what if your child had 3 teachers, each working 1-2 days a week and job sharing, I doubt the teachers would be able to get to grips with your child's needs in the same way as 1 full-time teacher and it probably wouldn't be a satisfactory experience. Yes this is a hypothetical and somewhat extreme example but I'm just demonstrating the point. Yes the school could have a fantastic plan in place to support this and make it work well with funding etc, but we all know the reality.

A lot of you say I'm expressing frustration at the wrong people and the issue is with management. Yes that's correct. But herein lies the issue - you assume that management can just fix and sort this problem, there isn't a huge amount of consideration for how this works. I am management and I can't fix it! Hands are tied by higher ups in huge organisations like NHS and ultimately tied by the government and spending. Even if we put out mat cover, the child would be 2 before someone is employed! And some jobs are just so specialist, it is nigh on impossible to recruit on a temporary basis. I am thinking outside the box in every way to try to prevent this becoming such an issue in future. It is really really difficult in the public sector.

Some of you say that you wanted a year off with baby, it's not just the finances. Fair enough, but this does mean your partner had to sacrifice potentially his desire to have a year off with baby. I am totally fine with that being the choice, but I just wish it were an equal choice. If I had a child, I would want all options on the table with my partner- I go back to work, he goes back to work, split it. And this is the issue I probably have with equal rights. I believe in equal rights, but and perhaps naively, to me this means equality in every way. I want all the options available to men but I also believe they should have equal access and expectation to be able to do the options more typically chosen by women. This is true equality. I have never believed that men and women are fundamentally different and have different roles to play, we all have individual personalities. How much of the expectations of a man compared to a woman is due to nature or nurture could be debated endlessly. I suppose I am frustrated by more people (men &women) not 'going against the grain' of the typical gender roles. But maybe that's just me, I've never felt compelled to do anything simply because it was typical or expected of a woman, and I've never had much care for tradition or conformity.

There was a final theme I wanted to respond to which was someone saying that carrying on the species is literally the meaning of life, not work. OK so by saying this, someone could infer it to mean that everyone without children has less meaning in their life. I think at this stage of the modern world, we have somewhat transcended the purpose of life being solely procreation. No one choose this as their only goal in life if they have the means to have other things. There are many ways to have meaning in one's life and this is individual. It could be work, friends, family, travel, spirituality, voluntary work, hobbies etc etc. I do personally get a huge amount of fulfilment from my work, present frustrations aside.

So I expected to get a lot of disagreement, but let's not pretend this isn't a complicated issue with a lot of nuances :)

You realise most of the barriers you describe are in fact still management issues?

Yes - They’re not all things that you as an individual manager can solve, but they are a reflection of an organisation that is poorly managed.

Maternity leave cover arrangements should be straightforward to implement in most cases. You get more warning than you do for someone handing in their notice. The role is better defined. In larger organisations like most NHS entities the requirements are reasonably straightforward to incorporate at a business planning level as you can reasonably effectively apply statistics.

I know that doesn’t happen, but there’s no reason it can’t.

TiredShadows · 05/09/2026 11:33

Yes there are a lot of emotions around this and it is a complicated problem for management to solve with limited resources and pressures to keep headcount down - but part of that complication is that maternity leave isn't the only area where this comes up. Pinning this just down to maternity leave and women coming back part-time after having a baby is erasing part of the complexity, especially with an aging workforce and how contracts have changed over the years.

I work with mostly women and we have the opposite problem - we've little issue with mat leave, but we do have the retirement day dropping issue. Pretty much everyone over 50ish are on older and much better contracts and nearly all of them are part-time and most have their non-working day on either Monday or Friday, leaving those days to be particularly difficult. Somehow most of them have it so they only have to work their base site so all work at other sites is on the rest of us and they're not required to train to cover multiple roles as has been standard for years.

It's great for them. It's still sometimes frustrating when they drop down another day, I know there was some resentment when someone else got Fridays off when so many already have it or when someone has been hired that is transferring from another site that already has Friday or Monday off, but it's not at the person with the non-working days. It's confusion and resentment towards management - most who are also on those better contracts - making those choices.

With mat leave, there is at least a run up and IME there are discussions openly had even when we know they could end up changing - and all the ones where I work are covering multiple roles and most work multiple sites even at 3-4 days a week. With the heading towards retirement day dropping, no one discusses it until it's announced in the staff update emails and we're all left figuring out how we're going to cover all the needed tasks. Local management is at least willing to help cover the lower grade work, when they're not having a non-working day or leave themselves. The upper management making the decision doesn't seem to care.

And that's before, as others mentioned, those needing sick leave or similar, which is going to become a larger issue with an aging population and retirement ages going up.

A question for all those saying 'it's a management issue', which I do agree with by the way - are you saying that in your workplace, there is actually proper maternity cover? For all jobs, including where the person taking leave isn't someone who's job is easily picked up in a few days/weeks at most? How does that work?

Mat leave is generally covered okay where I work, but it's within a place where there is never proper staffing on all teams. The higher management send emails about how great it is for tech to reduce headcount (I'm not sure they understand how that impacts the lower grades whose numbers are being cut) while we go in cycles with maybe one of five teams having enough to cover the others, then something happens and that team goes down and the scrambling begins again, management is calling everywhere in the region for cover, lower grade staff gets trained on or encouraged to train ourselves on higher grade work to get it done, more agency staff come in starting to cover only the most basic, essential work that can be taught in weeks as long as they can shout over the desks to the rest of us when something new comes up while the rest of us keep things afloat, slowly building on the new person's training - if they don't leave or get fired first - until local management can finally get budget from on high to properly hire more staff in one area which covers for the rest until it all repeats.

Women having babies or even reducing workload after having a baby or before retirement is not why we're scrambling so much. It's not even typically a local management issue. It's an upper management 'vision' to keep down headcount and put as much as possible on people being paid the least while it works, then give us platitudes about us all working together when it breaks. While all the emotions are normal, being resentful at my coworkers isn't going to help that.

Annie578 · 05/09/2026 11:22

Actually, it’s a pretty straightforward issue for me. Pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are not gender-neutral experiences, and maternity leave is not simply spare childcare leave that can be redistributed to make staffing easier.

My body is recovering from pregnancy and childbirth, and that recovery does not happen in a fortnight or even twelve months in my case. If I’m breastfeeding, there are also obvious physiological demands that do not apply equally to my partner. So no, I am not going back to work earlier and giving up part of my maternity leave in the name of “equality” or because NHS management has a staffing problem.

Equality does not require women to ignore the physical realities of pregnancy, childbirth, recovery and breastfeeding so that employers can get them back into the workforce sooner. Men having leave is a separate issue. It should not depend on women being pressured to cut short maternity leave that exists in part because they are the ones who have actually been pregnant and given birth.

My children having me present during their early years matters to me, and I’m not apologising for prioritising that over workforce convenience.

I also work in the NHS, and my treatment around maternity leave and miscarriage has left a very bitter taste. Your opinion doesn’t surprise me at all, you could be my manager and honestly how she’s acted has really hardened me. Once my family is complete, I will leave the NHS and go private, as will many women I know.

Experiences like mine, and opinions like yours, are part of the reason the NHS loses experienced staff from specialist roles, and telling women to return sooner after having children for staffing purposes is never going to improve retention.

Tablesandchairs23 · 05/09/2026 09:26

Why are you mad at pregnant women. The issue is your employer not getting adequate cover.

Velumental · 05/09/2026 09:24

Tough.

You're entitled to a child free life not a child, or child bearing, free world.

Also most women themselves only have 1-2 children, I have 2, I work in healthcare, our team is 90% women, I too am constantly organizing and covering for other women's maternity leave, sick leave with kids, now my kids I share any sick leave with my husband equally, others take every sick leave day themselves doubling or tripling the impact on the team.

Not my business. Maternity leave and equal rights in the world place work as much in the fabour of child free women in childbearing years as for those who choose to have children. Your biology means you're as likely to be discriminated against as I am.

I've worked since I was a teenager, worked in my profession since I was 22, didn't have a child until my late 30s. The time each individual woman spends being a parent to babies is short and therefore we're all helping each other.

Also one day you may have a painful illness and need time off for months or need surgery or experience temporary disability or have a burnout or mental health difficulty, you'll experience perimenopause and menopause and may have hormonal difficulties then, you may get endometriosis you may get fibroids.

As women we've more in common than we have diffences regardless of whether we choose to have babies. You're fighting the very people most likely to stand up for your rights and whose rights effect your employability whether you like it or not.

Phineyj · 05/09/2026 09:18

It's a bit of a grey area officially speaking what counts as part time.

Government surveys tend to suggest It's less than 35 hours a week but it's common to work "part time" in healthcare or education and work more hours than that. The waters are further muddied by term time working, shifts, weekend working, wfh and jobs where hours aren't specified!

Puffinsandcoffee · 05/09/2026 09:15

@Kedgey55 I have never believed that men and women are fundamentally different and have different roles to play.
Have you heard of the vagina? It's the hole that babies come out of. Men don't have one. Men and women have fundamentally different roles to play when it comes to reproduction, which is pretty relevant to your OP.

Some of you say that you wanted a year off with baby, it's not just the finances. Fair enough, but this does mean your partner had to sacrifice potentially his desire to have a year off with baby. I am totally fine with that being the choice, but I just wish it were an equal choice.
The day my partner gives birth to a baby, I'd take seriously his desire to have a year off with it. Are you seriously suggesting that a mother should have to discuss going back to work, while she has an open wound the size of a dinner plate inside her, and stitches holding her vulva together, so that her husband can have an "equal choice": Do you honestly think that's a feminist statement? I think it's you who's not seeing the nuance here.

I suppose I am frustrated by more people (men &women) not 'going against the grain' of the typical gender roles. But maybe that's just me,
Yeah, we get it. You're not like other girls. A true boardroom feminist.

sanluca · 05/09/2026 08:54

MickyMoonshine · 05/09/2026 07:45

Teachers job share all the time. It works perfectly well.

You’re confusing equality with equity. We can’t treat men and women exactly the same when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. Only women can get pregnant, give birth and breast feed. What you have to ensure is that there is equity of opportunity and that women are not discriminated against because of their sex - but that doesn’t mean ignoring sex based differences.

Show quote history

Exactly this. The whole purpose of feminism is to achieve equal opportunity whilst acknowledging men and women are different by biology. Of course not every woman will ever (want to) be pregnant but female biology has a defining impact on womens lives. No one can deny that.

I wonder as well as what parttime means. I worked 3 days when the kids were very young, then 4 days and dad worked 4 days so we had 3 days daycare. Is that parttime?

Someone also said that women are more loyal than men. I agree. If a company supports women when they are going through life changing circumstances, women tend to stick around, even when the company is in difficulty. Men don't seem to do that.

MyLimeGuide · 05/09/2026 08:02

I think its your employer who is at blame here, there should be someone hired to cover maternity leave. But good point about the gender pay gap though, definitely truth in this.

violetblue25 · 05/09/2026 07:56

Toosadtonight · 04/09/2026 02:01

The question really is why the NHS doesn’t take account of the fact that they have a large percentage of women in their workplace and have more robust procedures in place to cope with fairly predictable occurrences like maternity leave or long term sickness leave. There’s a lot of money spent on the NHS so running it on a minimum staffing level and then being surprised that women take their hard fought for, perfectly legal, maternity leave is frankly mind boggling. Expecting other staff already working flat out, to just suck up the extra workload is complete nonsense, the issue as many PP’s have said is not the women on maternity leave it is the shit management within the NHS.

This. It beggars belief really but I know they won’t cover it in our trust because they use what ever little bit they can as cost saving. They just make the rest of us pick up the work. We’ve have mat leave in our team for nearly 2 years due to the rotational nature of some of our posts and it’s become normal now to cover it ourselves at the expense of patients (we’ve had to water down care massively). Next step is they will cut the posts if people don’t want to come back full time etc. The NHS isn’t like normal places. No one cares in management if it isn’t fully staffed as it’s never fully staffed. The very few times mat leave cover was granted we could never find anyone who wanted a short term contract to cover it with the right clinical skills anyway.

Phineyj · 05/09/2026 07:54

It's the only way @MickyMoonshine ! Teaching is so physically and mentally demanding these days, it's the only way to avoid burning out your staff in my opinion.

I notice medical professionals do it too where the system allows (GPs).

MickyMoonshine · 05/09/2026 07:50

Phineyj · 05/09/2026 07:41

I've actually just started a teaching job where I'll teach 2 days and the other teacher 3, with no overlap. You're probably envisaging primary children, but these are sixth formers and I anticipate zero problems. In an ideal world we'd overlap mid week but we can't due to availability.

It is very easy for us to share information with shared drives, email and WhatsApp in emergency. There's a safeguarding system available 24/7 to enter concerns.

Teaching is one of the easier jobs to share in fact. You just teach different parts of the course.

By the way, the choice for the school wasn't between this arrangement and a full time teacher. It was a choice between this or no specialist teacher.

It can work well in primary school too. My DS had two years where there were teachers job sharing. And for a variety of reasons too - semi retirement, undertaking leadership roles, another part time job.
It was never a problem.

MickyMoonshine · 05/09/2026 07:45

Kedgey55 · 05/09/2026 00:23

As expected I've clearly stirred up a lot of emotions. I actually completely agree with most of the comments here. I was venting frustration, which I think I'm allowed to feel. And I would never in my wildest dreams actually act on employing a man over a woman or discriminate on this basis or not allow someone to come back part time.

But there is a reality that it isn't as straightforward as some of you make out. There are some high-level jobs which are just simply extremely difficult to do well, or certainly to the same standard, on a part-time basis. For example as a hypothetical, what if your child had 3 teachers, each working 1-2 days a week and job sharing, I doubt the teachers would be able to get to grips with your child's needs in the same way as 1 full-time teacher and it probably wouldn't be a satisfactory experience. Yes this is a hypothetical and somewhat extreme example but I'm just demonstrating the point. Yes the school could have a fantastic plan in place to support this and make it work well with funding etc, but we all know the reality.

A lot of you say I'm expressing frustration at the wrong people and the issue is with management. Yes that's correct. But herein lies the issue - you assume that management can just fix and sort this problem, there isn't a huge amount of consideration for how this works. I am management and I can't fix it! Hands are tied by higher ups in huge organisations like NHS and ultimately tied by the government and spending. Even if we put out mat cover, the child would be 2 before someone is employed! And some jobs are just so specialist, it is nigh on impossible to recruit on a temporary basis. I am thinking outside the box in every way to try to prevent this becoming such an issue in future. It is really really difficult in the public sector.

Some of you say that you wanted a year off with baby, it's not just the finances. Fair enough, but this does mean your partner had to sacrifice potentially his desire to have a year off with baby. I am totally fine with that being the choice, but I just wish it were an equal choice. If I had a child, I would want all options on the table with my partner- I go back to work, he goes back to work, split it. And this is the issue I probably have with equal rights. I believe in equal rights, but and perhaps naively, to me this means equality in every way. I want all the options available to men but I also believe they should have equal access and expectation to be able to do the options more typically chosen by women. This is true equality. I have never believed that men and women are fundamentally different and have different roles to play, we all have individual personalities. How much of the expectations of a man compared to a woman is due to nature or nurture could be debated endlessly. I suppose I am frustrated by more people (men &women) not 'going against the grain' of the typical gender roles. But maybe that's just me, I've never felt compelled to do anything simply because it was typical or expected of a woman, and I've never had much care for tradition or conformity.

There was a final theme I wanted to respond to which was someone saying that carrying on the species is literally the meaning of life, not work. OK so by saying this, someone could infer it to mean that everyone without children has less meaning in their life. I think at this stage of the modern world, we have somewhat transcended the purpose of life being solely procreation. No one choose this as their only goal in life if they have the means to have other things. There are many ways to have meaning in one's life and this is individual. It could be work, friends, family, travel, spirituality, voluntary work, hobbies etc etc. I do personally get a huge amount of fulfilment from my work, present frustrations aside.

So I expected to get a lot of disagreement, but let's not pretend this isn't a complicated issue with a lot of nuances :)

Teachers job share all the time. It works perfectly well.

You’re confusing equality with equity. We can’t treat men and women exactly the same when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. Only women can get pregnant, give birth and breast feed. What you have to ensure is that there is equity of opportunity and that women are not discriminated against because of their sex - but that doesn’t mean ignoring sex based differences.

rathersleepy · 05/09/2026 07:43

Surely if men share parental leave then the workplace will still be disrupted? Or is it just women you have a problem with?

Phineyj · 05/09/2026 07:41

I've actually just started a teaching job where I'll teach 2 days and the other teacher 3, with no overlap. You're probably envisaging primary children, but these are sixth formers and I anticipate zero problems. In an ideal world we'd overlap mid week but we can't due to availability.

It is very easy for us to share information with shared drives, email and WhatsApp in emergency. There's a safeguarding system available 24/7 to enter concerns.

Teaching is one of the easier jobs to share in fact. You just teach different parts of the course.

By the way, the choice for the school wasn't between this arrangement and a full time teacher. It was a choice between this or no specialist teacher.

Anxioustealady · 05/09/2026 05:35

Kedgey55 · 05/09/2026 00:23

As expected I've clearly stirred up a lot of emotions. I actually completely agree with most of the comments here. I was venting frustration, which I think I'm allowed to feel. And I would never in my wildest dreams actually act on employing a man over a woman or discriminate on this basis or not allow someone to come back part time.

But there is a reality that it isn't as straightforward as some of you make out. There are some high-level jobs which are just simply extremely difficult to do well, or certainly to the same standard, on a part-time basis. For example as a hypothetical, what if your child had 3 teachers, each working 1-2 days a week and job sharing, I doubt the teachers would be able to get to grips with your child's needs in the same way as 1 full-time teacher and it probably wouldn't be a satisfactory experience. Yes this is a hypothetical and somewhat extreme example but I'm just demonstrating the point. Yes the school could have a fantastic plan in place to support this and make it work well with funding etc, but we all know the reality.

A lot of you say I'm expressing frustration at the wrong people and the issue is with management. Yes that's correct. But herein lies the issue - you assume that management can just fix and sort this problem, there isn't a huge amount of consideration for how this works. I am management and I can't fix it! Hands are tied by higher ups in huge organisations like NHS and ultimately tied by the government and spending. Even if we put out mat cover, the child would be 2 before someone is employed! And some jobs are just so specialist, it is nigh on impossible to recruit on a temporary basis. I am thinking outside the box in every way to try to prevent this becoming such an issue in future. It is really really difficult in the public sector.

Some of you say that you wanted a year off with baby, it's not just the finances. Fair enough, but this does mean your partner had to sacrifice potentially his desire to have a year off with baby. I am totally fine with that being the choice, but I just wish it were an equal choice. If I had a child, I would want all options on the table with my partner- I go back to work, he goes back to work, split it. And this is the issue I probably have with equal rights. I believe in equal rights, but and perhaps naively, to me this means equality in every way. I want all the options available to men but I also believe they should have equal access and expectation to be able to do the options more typically chosen by women. This is true equality. I have never believed that men and women are fundamentally different and have different roles to play, we all have individual personalities. How much of the expectations of a man compared to a woman is due to nature or nurture could be debated endlessly. I suppose I am frustrated by more people (men &women) not 'going against the grain' of the typical gender roles. But maybe that's just me, I've never felt compelled to do anything simply because it was typical or expected of a woman, and I've never had much care for tradition or conformity.

There was a final theme I wanted to respond to which was someone saying that carrying on the species is literally the meaning of life, not work. OK so by saying this, someone could infer it to mean that everyone without children has less meaning in their life. I think at this stage of the modern world, we have somewhat transcended the purpose of life being solely procreation. No one choose this as their only goal in life if they have the means to have other things. There are many ways to have meaning in one's life and this is individual. It could be work, friends, family, travel, spirituality, voluntary work, hobbies etc etc. I do personally get a huge amount of fulfilment from my work, present frustrations aside.

So I expected to get a lot of disagreement, but let's not pretend this isn't a complicated issue with a lot of nuances :)

There is no equality when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum recovery and breastfeeding. Women shouldn't be pressured to give up any maternity leave to help gender equality.