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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to tell DH his once-weekly tooth brushing is off-putting?

130 replies

SweetAudry · 03/09/2026 22:28

A few months ago DH told me he felt his teeth were worsening in both health and appearance (I had noticed this too but was too polite to tell him!) and he suggested he should maybe brush them more often.

I asked now often he currently brushed them (meaning how many times a day) and he said “probably once a week or so” 😱 I found this shocking at told him so! He said from now on he’ll do them at least once a day.

He did this for about a week and now he’s back to never doing them. I know he’s not brushed them at all this week as I moved his toothbrush and it’s still exactly where I left it. I find it really off putting.

I don’t like to embarrass people by pointing out personal things like this but once a week (if that!) is shocking isn’t it? WIBU to tell him even though he will probably be offended?

OP posts:
MiddleAgedDread · 04/09/2026 08:29

You need to make him a reward sticker chart!

watchingthishtread · 04/09/2026 08:28

When did he last go to a dentist? Maybe you could suggest a check up. I'm sure a dentist would have plenty to say about the impact of his lack of care.

happysunr1se · 04/09/2026 08:28

XigDoop · 03/09/2026 23:49

There is apparently a link between poor oral health and heart disease.
He needs to change this habit for several reasons :

www.bbc.co.uk/news/10176410

It's also been linked with dementia and earlier cognitive decline

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 04/09/2026 08:21

How can you be intimate with someone with such foul hygiene?

HambleTheDoll · 04/09/2026 08:16

Tell him he’s a disgusting skank. Embarrass him as he should be embarrassed

RampantIvy · 04/09/2026 08:14

BibbityBoppityTwo · 03/09/2026 22:36

If you can’t confront your own DH about this without worrying about embarrassing him, that’s a problem. Someone has to tell us these things and if not our own spouse, then who? Honestly, if a grown man thinks it’s acceptable to brush his teeth once a week, he deserves to be embarrassed! Surely his breath smells horrendous. What about the people who have to interact with him at work, etc?

Edited

I don't understand why you are afraid of embarrassing him either.

He should feel embarrassed. This is not normal.

Specialagentblond · 04/09/2026 08:09

Dentist here. If he showers daily, put a toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower.

StandFirm · 04/09/2026 08:08

Apart from the obvious (it's terribly off-putting), OP's husband is about to wreck his heart long-term.

TheChosenTwo · 04/09/2026 08:06

Urgh, It’s made me feel queasy just imagining how furry his teeth and tongue and general mouth must be. The smell… how could this have gone on so long?? how has he got any teeth left?

scoobysnaxx · 04/09/2026 08:02

3luckystars · 03/09/2026 22:38

Are you having sex with this halitosis Henry?

😂😂

Sweetbeansandmochi · 04/09/2026 08:01

So, I have been called out on this thread for showing some empathy and reaching out to op in her situation with some ideas - like I am strange.

Sure, some of my ideas were based directly on what I did with my kids …but op’s husband’s behaviour is disordered and he needs some help to get beyond the barriers. (What is going on for him, I don’t know).

Also, op doesn’t have to use my suggestions but it is nicer to be met with some offers of support rather than name calling or shaming.

Sometimes some different actions can make all the difference and if someone is stuck with something- you have to make the steps even smaller.

OvernightBloats · 04/09/2026 08:00

Once a week?! 😱

Can't be true! He showers every day but doesn't brush his teeth?! His teeth must be covered in gunk from years of neglect. Bleurgh!

How you can put up with this is a miracle. You have to tell him how you feel for your own sake.

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 04/09/2026 07:50

@XigDoop
Thanks. That's really interesting. I had no idea.

Having looked at your link I googled heart disease and poor oral health and there is loads of information about it, and the link to strokes and other health conditions as well.

TheFishFish · 04/09/2026 00:44

That's fucking grim. Brushing your teeth a couple of times a day is about as basic as it gets.

EmailsaysOOO · 04/09/2026 00:17

Wowsers. Haven't RTFT. But presumably you don't kiss him - real mouth kissing - do you , OP ?.@SweetAudry

hotmumshit · 04/09/2026 00:12

Are you sure he is showering daily? Thats the first sign of depression so i'd tell him straight to sort it, and keep an eye out for other signs x

BadLad · 04/09/2026 00:06

Sweetbeansandmochi · 03/09/2026 22:48

I have a few ideas:

If you haven’t already get him an electric toothbrush. Mine has a timer.

Also he could brush his teeth to a song he likes - or, we used to have an app that attached to the kids electric toothbrushes that gamified tooth brushing.

He could also get booked in to see the hygienist for a proper teeth clean. That might help him reset whatever the barrier is about this.

You can get these wierd toothpaste balls called p’A’rla - which he can chew if toothbrushing is too much. It’s sort of the least someone could do.

He really needs to take this more seriously. It’s not he can’t brush his teeth. It appears he won’t. And plaque and tooth decay are linked to some serious illnesses including heart disease and stroke.

Edited

Alternatively, she could put the toothpaste on the brush for him, and bring it towards his mouth, cooing "Here comes the choo choo train - open the tunnel".

Jk987 · 03/09/2026 23:53

Sweetbeansandmochi · 03/09/2026 22:48

I have a few ideas:

If you haven’t already get him an electric toothbrush. Mine has a timer.

Also he could brush his teeth to a song he likes - or, we used to have an app that attached to the kids electric toothbrushes that gamified tooth brushing.

He could also get booked in to see the hygienist for a proper teeth clean. That might help him reset whatever the barrier is about this.

You can get these wierd toothpaste balls called p’A’rla - which he can chew if toothbrushing is too much. It’s sort of the least someone could do.

He really needs to take this more seriously. It’s not he can’t brush his teeth. It appears he won’t. And plaque and tooth decay are linked to some serious illnesses including heart disease and stroke.

Edited

OP buys him a special little toothbrush and he brushes his teeth to a song he likes? 🤣🤣🤣 You do know he’s a fully grown adult she’s his wife not mother?

Jk987 · 03/09/2026 23:49

You don’t like to embarrass people? He’s your husband fgs! You have to smell his stinky breath and look at his minging teeth every day!

XigDoop · 03/09/2026 23:49

There is apparently a link between poor oral health and heart disease.
He needs to change this habit for several reasons :

www.bbc.co.uk/news/10176410

Brendayouknowthatyouremuchtoolazy · 03/09/2026 23:40

I voted YABU for considering you may be in the wrong for calling the minger out.

Cattenberg · 03/09/2026 23:35

One of my exs was a bit like that. He started off clean, but became increasingly haphazard about shaving and cutting his nails. Then, despite showering every day, he stopped brushing his teeth more than once every day or two. He did suffer from depression for a while, but even after this improved, his hygiene still wasn't great.

He developed bad breath and a couple of people actually asked me if I could drop a few hints to him about it. I tried hints and then being more direct, but nothing really changed, even after I eventually persuaded him to see a dentist. Our sex life died because I no longer wanted to kiss him, so I never got in the mood for anything more. I'm relieved that I'm no longer with him.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 03/09/2026 23:23

That’s fucking disgusting 🤢

PPAPPINE · 03/09/2026 23:18

PARDON??? 😱 Doesn’t his breath stink? How can he kiss you with a furry mouth. I would not care one bit about embarrassing him. This is awful. If his hygiene otherwise ok then it doesn’t seem like depression.

ConstantlyFuriosa · 03/09/2026 23:10

Pinkflamingo10 · 03/09/2026 22:48

🤮
how do you kiss him ?!!!!

I was going to say: I take it you don’t kiss him, then?!

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