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AIBU?

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Original poster

to ask if you consider this a real 'date' and he's flaking?

88 replies

AmberCatz · 03/09/2026 22:24

I wasn't sure whether to post on my original thread or not, but the algorithm didn't seem to pick up my update!

I went on a date last weekend, after being hotly pursued by this guy. It lasted 10 hours! Major chemistry, laughs, and physical flirtation though no kiss yet. As soon as he got home he messaged to ask me to go a show next week (three different dates we can go, tbc).

In the meantime, I thought I'd love to see him before then and want to show interest as he's done for me. Therefore I asked him to meet for lunch or dinner when we're working in the same area tomorrow. He replied 'oh yes definitely! I should be around' - so then as I know his work schedule is gruelling currently compared to mine I said well I'm quite flexible so just give me an idea of what time suits'. This was two days ago, he hasn't responded. He did watch my stories on Instagram this morning.

Am I right in thinking he's just not as interested as he appeared to be on date one? I don't really think I should chase this up. It's sort of an interim date to our next date, but it still counts surely.

OP posts:
BibbityBoppityTwo · 03/09/2026 22:40

AmberCatz · 03/09/2026 22:33

this is what I'm trying to work out! Is he taking it as a real date or just as a 'maybe' between our next actual date. wish I hadn't suggested it now, I was just keen to see him.

so yes - I'm wondering whether to message again in the morning, or leave it. I feel quite sensitive about looking too keen.

Show quote history

I think he just saw it as a casual potential arrangement based on what’s happening at work that day. Just treat it like that and as if that’s what you intended too. I think if he’s watching your stories and responded enthusiastically (which he did, but also with ‘I should be around’ which just suggests to me he wasn’t sure what would be happening that day work-wise). I’d message on the day, but very casually and wouldn’t get upset if he can’t make it, only if he doesn’t reply at all.

Rhubarbsoap · 03/09/2026 22:38

Ok so the second date isn’t booked… I personally would feel if he really did want this Show date he’d have pulled his finger out and sorted it.

LittleMonks11 · 03/09/2026 22:38

I’m seeing red flags 😩

MelonSorbet · 03/09/2026 22:37

Sorry, but I doubt you'll ever hear from him again.

Rhubarbsoap · 03/09/2026 22:36

If the show date is a definite (booked and paid for and logistics agreed etc) I would honestly leave the lunch date.
You have only been on 1 date, and to have another one so soon, when the official second date is already planned may seem a bit much to him ?

Original poster
AmberCatz · 03/09/2026 22:35

LittleMonks11 · 03/09/2026 22:33

Is the show date sorted and booked in?

Not yet. And this feels important too.

He said he'd come back to me this week with dates that work so we can book. Maybe he'll do it this weekend after the working week - we will see. He's in no rush though is he?

I had a terrible break up last year. I want to be protective of my heart while also enjoying a new connection. Don't want to ignore red flags this time!

OP posts:
Scissor · 03/09/2026 22:35

"I should be around"
If I wrote that I would mean I've no idea if I would be free.
You've said you're flexible, he may be busy.
Look forward to an actual date at the show. That sounds like great fun.

LittleMonks11 · 03/09/2026 22:33

Is the show date sorted and booked in?

Original poster
AmberCatz · 03/09/2026 22:33

BibbityBoppityTwo · 03/09/2026 22:32

I think he just saw this as a play it by ear thing. I personally would wait until the day of to follow up, maybe late morning and just say “Hey, how’s your day looking? Still free to catch up for lunch?”
I don’t think he’s being flaky at all.

Edited

this is what I'm trying to work out! Is he taking it as a real date or just as a 'maybe' between our next actual date. wish I hadn't suggested it now, I was just keen to see him.

so yes - I'm wondering whether to message again in the morning, or leave it. I feel quite sensitive about looking too keen.

OP posts:
BibbityBoppityTwo · 03/09/2026 22:32

I think he just saw this as a play it by ear thing. I personally would wait until the day of to follow up, maybe late morning and just say “Hey, how’s your day looking? Still free to catch up for lunch?”
I don’t think he’s being flaky at all.

Longtimelurker1980 · 03/09/2026 22:31

God the dating game is so shit! Why can’t people just be direct and honest?

if it were me, I would want be to ask him if he’s interested. Because I’d want to know. But realistically that looks needy so you’re just gojng to have to wait. Which is shit.

personally I would say that 2 days of non response isn’t really showing interest and I’d think he is sticking his fingers in a few pies and seeing what works.

men. Absolute fuckers. Until you find the right one.

Original poster
AmberCatz · 03/09/2026 22:31

Thanks @HydenSeek

If tomorrow doesn't go ahead, should I NOT let it get in the way of the next date if he is proactive in scheduling it?

I understand what you're saying here. It's the fact he said yes but hasn't spoken since. I feel quite anxious during early stage dating, it's not great.

OP posts:
HydenSeek · 03/09/2026 22:29

I wouldn't have any idea ahead of time what time I'd be getting my lunch break as we have to ensure adequate staff cover, and if something pops up that I need to deal with I might not even go when I was planning on it. I would have interpreted the exchange as "yes, work permitting, I'll be about" you then told him "I am happy to wait to hear from you when you know what works as I'm not working around anything else, and I've not given you a timescale for letting me know by". So he hasn't.

There's no way of knowing if this is lack of interest or miscommunication. If he messages you tomorrow and let's you know a time, there's your answer. Equally, if he doesn't mention it, and you just get a retrospective "sorry was super busy" after lunch, then that too is your answer, unfortunately!

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