to ask if you consider this a real 'date' and he's flaking?

Dating should not feel like this. Next….

I'm 42 and single, gave up years ago and generally content. Honestly, fuck that shit

Perhaps he just only now found out how much theatre tickets cost these days! 😆
I bet he's around for a walk or a Netflix and chill soon OP.

Any other oldies like me who are grateful they’re no longer into all this current dating malarkey? It sounds bloody exhausting. All the rules and flags and social media stuff. Hope it works out for you OP.

Reminds me when one of my adult DDs told me that her and her current boyfriend were now “official.” I replied saying something like “I should bloody well hope so, you’ve been living with him for a year!”

I think he's probably dating other women & he's winging it & hedging his bets a bit. You did really well OP, onwards and upwards. Wouldn't be surprised if you hear from him again though asking for a date!

Well done you, you handled it perfectly. It sounds like it has the makings of a good friendship, even if not romantic. Dating is hard but also fun and exciting, try to relax and enjoy yourself, you’ll find your one soon x

Thanks for the update.

It sounds like you handled it perfectly and gracefully and now you can move on with things, and "know where you stand".

(and if you hadn't reached out, you'd still be waiting in hope for him to plan the show... So you know he's a cool new friend to hang out, but a bit of a flake who doesn't really keep you updated!).

It sounds like meeting this guy has got you back into dating mode.

Perhaps you can open up to more dating as you know you can emotionally handle the situations.

The way she is going on. She sounds clingy and you know it. You need to grow up

Are you lunching now OP?

He is probably keeping you hanging as he is talking to multiple women and he has worked out that you're interested. He knows that he can keep you hanging whilst he tests out other dates. I wouldn't message, if he does message you with the usual sorry i've been flat out etc..You can decide if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, myself personally, I would jog him on!

I hate mixing business and pleasure. A rushed lunch hour, queuing at a sandwich shop, when you have to clock watch to get back for a meeting, or have to cancel last minute because an issue has come up at work that you must deal with immediately – that is not the mood for developing a new romance.

You don't know his workplace attitude to lunch. Lots of places expect people to grab a sandwich at their desk or work through until a natural break. Even if I really liked someone I'd feel very pressurised by that suggestion.

Asking someone for lunch is not needy the rest is

Let us know what happens today, OP!

This.

It's all data gathering and social signalling really in the early stages.... If he flakes its information, if you feel uneasy with the communication style it won't get better.

The OP has done everything fine, there's a lot of flakes out there.

Guys who want to be your boyfriend are not sitting there going "Oh no, she's suggested lunch! I feel she's too dominating! I've gone off her!".

They're worrying if you like them, or making sure you don't meet someone else.

The guys who have been seriously interested in me all made themselves very available in the first month.

Even helping me move boxes or coming to a demonstration (me contacting them).

Or being apologetic and explaining loads if they were busy. One guy sent me a spreadsheet of his shifts so I could see when he was around.

She asked him for LUNCH.

WTF is wrong with you? Missing the playground? Grow up.

Honestly, when someone likes you a request to meet for lunch wouldn’t put them off. Ignore all the people saying red flags etc etc, that’s so mean of them.
I wouldn’t overthink things when you’re new to dating, but the best approach I found, was to expect nothing, that all men are shits until they prove otherwise. Harsh I know, but it’s really to protect yourself. Don’t get invested in any way, don’t start to like them, don’t answer messages straight away. Keep yourself emotionally safe. It takes months and months to know someone and even then you don’t know everything.
So see how this guy behaves. You’ve done nothing wrong. If he flakes on you - it’s his problem and you’ve dodged a bullet or not suited.
Oh and it’s also not weird to scope out other people’s social media - it’s not stalkerish or anything. How else are you supposed to know the person is not following Only Fans for example. Posters on here really like to bully & bitch. Ignore them.

Yes, from the OP. She sounds very needy

so you were going to take him out on a date? That’s what’s implied if you suggest dinner & it implies you’ll be paying. I’m sorry but you messed with his head & he may be feeling emasculated & put off continuing to pursue you. You came across as impatient & clingy.

Leave it. In early stage dating this shouldn't even be crossing your mind. Nobody should be this invested in a stranger. In fact, I'd say that the first three months of consistent dating is an opportunity for both parties to figure out if they want to continue seeing each other.
The fact that you are already tracking his online status on SM is..not great, to put it mildly. I would give the whole dating a miss at this point and focus on your mindset until you feel that you are sufficiently emotionally detached from the outcome.

He sounds like a typical man, they don't plan stuff like we do they just wing it last minute (or forget). He'll either message you at 11 saying where are we meeting for lunch or he has forgotten.

Whichever it is, don't write him off yet but if you do get another date in with him, it's ok to be strong on your boundaries of what you want.

I wouldn’t see it as a date I’d just see it as an informal quick lunch so could be why?