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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to decline going to 90th birthday party?

39 replies

Bookworm05 · 03/09/2026 21:04

We've been invited to my step dad's mums 90th birthday party. The only thing is, we live four hours away from the party and have two young children (age 6 and 2). The party is on a Sunday. It would be an eight hour round trip (without stop offs!) to travel on the Sunday, with school the next day. If we stayed over the night before, we would also miss Halloween, which sounds daft but it's my 6 year old's favourite day of the year with her friends!
With it being half term that week, we are also taking a trip to see other family for a few days, and it's both of my children's birthdays at the start of the half term too.
The rest of the extended family are going to the party. I feel like I'm being difficult but it's such bad timing for a party and feels too much for us!
AIBU for not wanting to go?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 03/09/2026 21:47

If go because not too many live until 90, so it will probably be her last big birthday and she probably wants all the people she loves to be with her that day. Maybe perhaps leave a bit early as long journey back with DC.

BunkBedsArePeopleShelves · 03/09/2026 21:43

I'd just have one or more childer develop a convenient cough that you wouldn't want to pass on to a ninety year old...😉

Happyjoe · 03/09/2026 21:40

Can you go alone? Far less stressful.

BlumeUndTisch · 03/09/2026 21:31

Bookworm05 · 03/09/2026 21:19

Thanks all! Love my stepdad. We were closer to his mum when I was a teenager but obviously since growing up, having my own family and living so far away we don't see them as much. I guess I'd definitely be more up for going if I didn't have to work the next day. I'm a teacher so can't take the day off to break the journey home up. The kids will nap in the car and then be up half the night. Eek. It just feels a lot, but maybe you're right and we should make the effort.

Edited

I wouldn't go. I would plan to see her in the next holiday.

tomatoplants · 03/09/2026 21:31

I would decline but make a date to go another time where you can maybe stay over and plan it a bit more. If they love you then they’ll understand. Far too much driving a stress at then end of half term and a Sunday with work etc.

Original poster
Bookworm05 · 03/09/2026 21:28

@canklesmctacotits I agree! My mum even said that my stepdad's mum would probably only stay an hour because she doesn't like being out much.

OP posts:
canklesmctacotits · 03/09/2026 21:25

isthisnormal1971 · 03/09/2026 21:18

What age would be acceptable? That’s a strange thing to quote. Surley the age is even more relevant. She won’t have much time left on earth so make an effort and go. This is what being family is all about. MN always going on about blended families and importance, is that only when it’s step children and then when 90 it doesn’t matter.

Show quote history

My parents are in their 80s, a party is the last thing they’d want. Too tiring having too many people around, they’d feel obliged to make an effort if I did an 8 hour round trip with a 4yo and a 2yo at the end of half term with school and work the next day. They’d love to see us, but at a time that works better for everyone involved. At this point they don’t care about 88, 89, 90 or parties or celebrations on any given day. Tbh neither do I. It’s not relevant in the context of what family means!

Original poster
Bookworm05 · 03/09/2026 21:19

Thanks all! Love my stepdad. We were closer to his mum when I was a teenager but obviously since growing up, having my own family and living so far away we don't see them as much. I guess I'd definitely be more up for going if I didn't have to work the next day. I'm a teacher so can't take the day off to break the journey home up. The kids will nap in the car and then be up half the night. Eek. It just feels a lot, but maybe you're right and we should make the effort.

OP posts:
isthisnormal1971 · 03/09/2026 21:18

canklesmctacotits · 03/09/2026 21:09

I can’t believe there would be an expectation that you’d do this. Not for a 90th birthday 4 hours away.

What age would be acceptable? That’s a strange thing to quote. Surley the age is even more relevant. She won’t have much time left on earth so make an effort and go. This is what being family is all about. MN always going on about blended families and importance, is that only when it’s step children and then when 90 it doesn’t matter.

Northernlights19 · 03/09/2026 21:14

I think it depends on your relationship. I wouldn't for my dad's wife because she's never been a nice person.

For my stepdad with whom I'm very close, I'd travel down the night before and pay for accommodation because the kids and I love him.

Londonrach1 · 03/09/2026 21:11

Depends on how close you are. If close and you love the person you go and stay overnight one night to break the journey. Not not close you don't. No right or wrong here. 90 is a huge milestone and tbh in my job the last 0 most people if they lucky get too.

ClarasSisters · 03/09/2026 21:10

Invitation not a summons and all that jazz.

canklesmctacotits · 03/09/2026 21:09

I can’t believe there would be an expectation that you’d do this. Not for a 90th birthday 4 hours away.

Noshadowsinthedarkness · 03/09/2026 21:05

Not at all. I presume you’re not close?