to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

Great update OP! Hopefully it continues going well, and you can finally enjoy some swimming time.

Great update . Go for it . Enjoy your swimming .

They've been to the cafe. Everything was fine. Everyone was happy (including the staff). Doing something for yourself once in a while doesn't make you selfish.

Oh Im so happy it worked out well. I pray that you are able to have regular swims. Go you OP.

This post is really interesting. I was doing a country walk recently near a river. A mother on her own, with two children approximately ten and six years old, entered the water. The mother wearing denim shorts and t shirt (so not proper water sports clothing) on a paddle board. She cruised up and down out of sight of her kids for a lot of the time. The ten year old was jumping off a cliff edge into the river, and the six year old was in a blow up ring (nothing else) further down the river. I felt sick to my stomach with worry for the kids. My own children were with me on the walk and my nine year old shouted “Oh my gosh that mother is not even watching her kids or anywhere near her kids in the river.”

Parents do way way more risky things than leave children in a relatively safe cafe for half an hour.

I think it is worth remembering that what you describe wouldn’t have been considered out of the ordinary twenty, thirty years ago.

It’s only the context of modern parenting that has made it neglectful, if indeed it is. I’m not sure I agree it was but I wasn’t there.

It is worth remembering that we can over mollycoddle as well as neglect. Icarus was warned about aiming too low as well as too high, remember.

YANBU, but unfortunately nowadays children are completely stifled and watched over every minute of the day by overprotective adults. 10 is old enough to know to sit and read/listen to music for half an hour.

Oh really? Year 5 is definitely the year kids start to spread their wings in my neck of the London woods. Not all kids - some have protective/nervous parents, some just aren't ready or trustworthy themselves yet. But you definitely start to see kids with zip cards firmly in hand and Very Responsible expressions, often in little groups.

My own 10yo prefers to walk/cycle - cycling is the one I'm more restrictive on because it's not that I don't trust him, it's that I don't trust drivers and some of the roads are pretty busy. 14yo cycles all over London though and has done for at least a year.

@MorganKitten

It is NOT selfish to want to pursue hobbies and exercise. These are important especially exercise- exercise is essential we should all be doing it.

I was slightly on the side of YABU at first (only by a hair) but having read your follow-ups, I think YANBU. This is assuming your boys have their wits about them and know what to do if something were to happen. For example, let's say you didn't come back: would they know what to do? That sort of thing.

I actually would also probably suggest that they not eat when you're away. Not because they should be monitored like toddlers, but even adults can choke, and to me it just feels like an unnecessary risk when you're wanting to be extra cautious.

By that logic no one should ever eat unless they have a first aider on hand. Shame for adults who live by themselves. I guess it's safer to just starve.

OP doesn't need to be extra cautious. A normal level of caution (which would allow her sons to eat) is sufficient.

Absolutely. And having a fit, happy and healthy parent is beneficial to her sons. So it's all for them really. 😊

Hopefully that satisfies all the people horrified at the thought of a mother taking some time for herself.

And what would happen to a choking adult in the cafe? Why would a 10 year old be different?

@SomeOtherUser

Dont be ridiculous

I might have missed something and apologies if so but why can't the OP swim when the kids are at school/out?

@Bananacrepewithnuts

the children are homeschooled and she works.

Quite. Maybe we should all bring our personal first aider with us every time we eat out, so in the very small chance we choke, neither the cafe staff or other patrons will feel duty bound to try and help us.

That's exactly what she's doing. Swimming while they are out at the cafe.

I think this is important too - babies and toddlers have to come first but as dc get older, part of living in a group of people is learning to compromise.

When we go on holiday I like castles, DD1 likes the beach, DD2 likes swimming - so we do all these things, with good grace, because it is everyone's holiday. I see this as something similar, they might prefer to stay at home but sitting in a cafe playing top trumps is not a terrible way to spend 30 minutes!

How many parents of ten year olds are sitting at home knitting? It really annoys me on here at times, the belief that if you’re a mum you don’t work.

It's also the weird assumption that, if she did have all this spare time while the children were otherwise occupied, it wouldn't have occurred to her to use it without someone on Mumsnet pointing it out. Do people think that she's sitting at home all week while the children are at school trying to figure out how she can go for a swim at the weekend?!

Mind you, given some of the replies on this thread, I'm not sure SAHMs are allowed to do anything except sit by the phone in case something happens and the school needs to contact them urgently.

I meant out with friends/family not on their own at the cafe.

Ah right I did forget that bit. Thank you for clarifying.

Surely one of the considerations of choosing to homeschool your children is the fact that you are going to have next to no time to do anything for yourself.

X

@Bananacrepewithnuts

nope! Everyone deserves time for themselves! And OP has found a perfect way of doing it - lake swims while her sons chill in the cafe. Where there is a will, there is a way 😀

This is true of parenting in general. Working parents whose kids go to school are in the same boat. And that's precisely why no one should begrudge her a quick swim on a weekend morning.