to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

So sorry for your loss. This must have been incredibly traumatic.

All sports carry some level of risk and we all make our own decisions about what we are comfortable with. Horse riding is statistically much more dangerous than swimming yet you deem it to be safer due to your own personal experience. It's an understandable, emotional reaction but it's not reflective of actual risk.

@Goinggreymammy

yeah, you say that you don’t think its because it’s about OP choosing to do something for herself that will benefit her but your post sounds like exactly that to me. Internalised misogyny

@justkeepswimminginalake So glad the practice run went well. Enjoy swimming.

@Goinggreymammy OP has said that they were excited about going to the cafe. I'm sure if they stop enjoying it she can rethink and come up with an alternative plan. It seems crazy not to give this a go because they might not want to do it every week forever more. Kids change and develop constantly. You do what suits until it doesn't and then you make changes.

Why do you assume that OP having a half hour swim stops the boys from participating in clubs? My son plays football but it doesn't start until 11am. There would be plenty of time to swim and have breakfast beforehand. Maybe they have hobbies that they do during the week. Both my kids have activities on weekdays evenings. It's very strange to think that they won't have the chance to mix with other kids if they spend a short amount of time in a cafe together one morning a week.

Im back again
This thread has been on my mind today and I've been asking myself is it because OP would be doing something for herself that it doesn't sit right with me. Honestly, no. It's good children see their parents having a life. I think what's bothering me is two things .. that they are sort of stuck in the situation, and the probable repetitive nature.
If two kids go to a cafe by themselves, they can leave if they feel at ease, someone tries to engage them in chat and they don't feel comfortable, if they have an argument etc. Someone asked if OP had posted "my 10 year old want to be more independent and go toa cafe for 30 mins" would everyone be saying definitely yes, this is good for them. But this isn't the same. It's a situation that would be thrust on them, weekly, and the novelty might quickly wear off. Then they might start behaving in a way.that would surprise OP who thinks they are very sensible 10 year olds! I've been a teacher 30 years and very few 10 year old are reliably sensible, repeatedly. So its totally different to two friends going to local shop etc independently as they choose to go,and can leave when they choose

Also, (i will be flamed for this but here goes....) if I had 2 ten year old boys who were homeschooling and in OPs own words "rely on her for all their socialisation" I would be trying to get them into hobbies or clubs on a Saturday morning, with other kids rather than sat in a cafe by themselves. And will they even be so enthusiastic about spending every Sat morning in a cafe for long more?

Great update, op. So glad it went well and they enjoyed themselves. Hope you enjoy your swim, next time!

I watched my own mum be rescued by lifeguards from the bottom of a pool. At least an accident on a road you can still breathe oxygen. (Hence suggesting roller skating, cycling, horse riding)

its hard to see a swimmer on the bottom of a lake.

my mum later died due to drowning.

What does it matter on her chosen activities

Lol, 10 is a hell of a lot closer to 13 than it is to 3. 😭 I’d trust my 8-year-old to do this, so I’m genuinely confused about what you think magically changes between 10 and 13 that suddenly makes it okay.

Can you explain why the OP swimming in a small, life guarded lake makes a significant difference to the risk?

Or is just the fact that she's doing something for herself?

Why shouldn't they? 34 pages into this thread and I still haven't seen one compelling argument against two 10 years olds eating breakfast together in a cafe. And what difference does it make if OP is swimming?

Are you being ironic? It's hard to tell.

So it's the swimming that's the problem?
OP had been training for a Channel swim, she can touch the bottom of the lake, there is a life guard. I think she's done a full risk assessment!

@Rox1701D

nah swimming in a pool is no way near as good as swimming in a lake!! Why would she wanna do that?!

@Peakyblinder18

exercise isn’t self indulgent.

It's not a question of they 'can' do it it's whether they 'should' do it and IMO not really especially as the OP is wild swimming.

It is too young IMO but it’s happening in most of Yorkshire I can tell you. I work in school and the form for walking home alone goes out at the very latest Yr5 in almost all schools. If a child can walk to and from school at age 9 then 45 mins in a cafe with a sibling and an adult close by shouldn’t be causing all this fuss.

Can you expand on why this would be a better option? Is an indoor pool really that much safer than a "busy, small and fairly shallow man-made managed lake" (OP's description) that has a lifeguard present?

Leave 10 year olds in a cafe to go cycling, yes. Roller skating, yes. Horse riding yes. Open water swimming alone? No.

It’s not the leaving the 10 years olds in a cafe on their own that worries me. It’s your proposed activity.

could you compromise and leave the 10 year olds in a cafe in sight of a swimming pool and you swim in the pool? Ok it’s not open water swimming, but it’s the next best thing.

Yes this.
Can't believe the pearl clutching. What on earth could happen to them. Kidnapping, abuse? From a crowded cafe? Wander down to water and drown?? Op already said it is fenced off. Illness? Injury? Why would that happen?

Mine age 10 was left at home for hours, walked to local shop alone, walked to granny's house alone.... they need to be responsible for themselves and they need practice at being unsupervised and self reliant.

And no, a cafe isn't childcare, but adults in public have a reasonable track record of looking out for other humans. If a kid was hurt or crying someone would check in and someone else would kindly nip down to the lake to wave to OP. And there would be safety in numbers. People are helpful, just as if an adult with a broken leg was struggling at the door and and couldn't open it, someone would jump up to give a hand.

The biggest risks to children are their own stepdads and getting hit by cars.

Why the comparisons to teens on this thread, especially 16 year olds, they are nothing like 10 year olds they are young adults.

But you have to start building independence long before they reach 16, otherwise you get threads (and I have seen them here) where the op is concerned about a 15 yo catching a train alone, or saying a 15yo isn't capable of asking for what they want in a cafe.

I would definitely leave a ten yr old. If probably leave them in the car though.

Why is that better than leaving them in a cafe?

I would definitely leave a ten yr old. If probably leave them in the car though.