to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

I can’t see what the problem is? It’s no different from them going somewhere on their own is it?

Ludicrous. Children that age go into cafes by themselves meeting up with friends. 100% not illegal! Unless you’re not in the UK.

If a child(ren) were out at a park they will encounter strangers. Walking to school or on a bus. Strangers are everywhere. I’d argue a stranger is less likely to try to abduct them in a cafe full of other people.

I don’t think I’m a better parent, I just have different boundaries. My dc haven’t struggled with independence. I didn’t play out at 10 growing up in Hackney (when it was very different to now), I still knew how to spot a pimp & a dealer at 11. My dc are more sheltered than me but i’m ok with that!

I first read this as 10 month old twins there together with their snacks and yotos! 😆 I think 10yrs would be fine!

Honestly, i dunno - not much, but you never know.

Its just thats why it feels like a no, even though its actually quite a rational plan

hotmumshit

why can't they send you a text, why does it have to be physical contact?

I certainly wouldn't do this in London. Never.

Our city is probably rougher than London but most 10 year olds should be able to be in any cafe for a bit.

I don't think it's as wild as people are making out. I think kids these days are wrapped in cotton wool, not allowed any independence and then struggle when they are older and expected to be independent.

If they have never been left in a situation by themselves, this might be a big leap, but if they have been playing out in the streets/park on their own or meeting friends, going to the toilet on their own when out for the day/on holiday, etc it's a natural progression from that.

When I was 9 and starting middle school, I walked a mile to school on my own, and at lunch time we all used to walk all the way across a big park to a main road with shops, to spend our lunch money, or just hang out in the park.

I recently went on a holiday with a child who turned 9 on the trip. He already plays out, but we started building on some independence skills of him going to the playground alone (sort of eyesight range), and going to the toilet block/bins alone, or him staying in the motorhome while I used the facilities, or took the dog on a short walk to a nearby patch of grass when he was in bed (doors locked so he could get out but no one could get in), and things like waiting outside public toilets while the other goes in, especially if the dog was with us. All of this was done gradually and only progressed when the child demonstrated competence and safety.

What would necessitate them having to “physically get to you” for that 30 minutes?

Just an observation. At the age of 10, year 6, my dc and their friends were allowed to go to the local park on their own and buy a snack and a drink in the cafe there. From the age of 11, first year of secondary, they used to meet up in town some Saturdays and go for a pizza or a burger. Can’t quite get what the difference is, or why the suggestion has been greeted with such horror! Don’t kids meet up in town any more or go to the park? My youngest dc was doing this only about 10 years ago, so times must have changed incredibly quickly!

What do you think could actually happen? Genuine question.

Some of the replies on this thread are crazy!

My DD10 often goes to one of our local cafes with her friend on their own. They order frappes, food etc and behave perfectly well. I'm confused as to how other 10 year olds are behaving to justify some of the replies on this thread.

I would do it OP and just start off with shorter swims (when DD and her friend started going to the cafe a few months ago I would tag along but sit away from them)

What could happen?

@Xmasbaby11 for me that’s part of it,

Yeah this - its the lack of being able to physically get to you whilst youre swimming op - even though it really isnt a terrible plan x

No it's a very bad idea, anyhing could happen. And how could you really relax and enjoy your swim because I am sure there would always be this nagging doubt in your mind that they might not be safe.

@throwaMy yr 6 dc walked home from spring term & went to secondary straight away by herself on the bus. And from spring yr 7 she went places with friends. She is 12 though (although she did things with friends at age 11) I wouldn’t leave her eating in a cafe alone whilst I swam at 10. You can have different boundaries & it doesn’t mean your dc will get to 12 & not be able to cope.

I'm a londoner, which maybe affects my view

I just would worry about strangers and not being immediately reachable

But I dont judge you at all, i can see the argument for it

I think it would feel v different if you were doing a fitness class at the leisure centre - you'd be in the building and accessible. Somehow the fact you're swimming in a lake makes me feel it's risky, even though your activity sounds safe! So my instinct says no, but rationally, your kids sound sensible and mature and it's a familiar place.

it depends, if they are getting themselves to school independently or spending an hour alone at home or walking alone to friends houses, then they are totally fine to sit in a cafe for an hour while you swim close by.

if they have never been independent or away from adult supervision, then it maybe best to build up to it slowly.

After a few weeks of swimming, I’d give them cash and a budget to order their own food. They can workout the maths between them.

Run through ‘what ifs’ beforehand. Who to phone if mum is delayed returning, what to do if one needs the loo,

I know, right? Most of Europe, all of Scandinavia and Japan are pissing themselves laughing at this hysteria.

My 10 yr old goes to a cafe with a friend, no issue. They behave well, are very sensible. I’d give your cafe idea a try and see how it goes

The joke is that those saying they wouldn’t do it think they are better parents when they are actually stifling their children’s independence and doing them a mis-service.