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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

929 replies

justkeepswimminginalake · 03/09/2026 20:45

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

OP posts:
ArtieChoke · 04/09/2026 16:38

FourSevenFive · 04/09/2026 08:57

And, why is it any better than sitting in a caffe they know, having a breakfast they are looking forward to, and using a toilet as humans?

I don’t think it’s better & didn’t state it was 🤷‍♀️

Autumngirl5 · 04/09/2026 15:52

kirinm · 04/09/2026 08:00

How dramatic are these responses?! They’ll be moving to secondary next year and then what? Depending on how well they behave and how much you trust them to behave, I don’t see it as a massive issue.

Exactly. I think it is important to bring up confident, well adjusted children.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 04/09/2026 14:56

Cherrytree86 · 04/09/2026 12:53

@wandererofthekingdom

swimming is selfish and irresponsible once you become a mother.

I think single mums who sleep should have their children removed. What if they choke? What if they sleep walk onto a road? What if they accidently fall and land with their head in the toilet and drown? What if they are the target of a terrorist attack? What if an asteroid hits earth?

violetcuriosity · 04/09/2026 14:36

My daughter is 11 and in Y7 and I would do this, buy her a drink and leave her with her phone for half an hour but she is sensible and calm

Tralalalala88 · 04/09/2026 14:34

Timeforachange26 · 04/09/2026 14:28

Why would they? Nor have any stated that women can do in. Or black people.

Therefore if it doesn't state they can't you'd assume they can

Was going to use dogs as an example but rarely see no dogs allowed signs anymore

I was refused a table at an ice cream parlour at 12 with a friend . That was years ago .for being “unaccompanied “. I can still remember it because we were so offended . There was no sign outside saying it .
Plenty of places have signs saying “no unaccompanied minors “. I mean it’s sort of borderline at ten . If the staff were asked directly can they stay here on their own for a bit they would feel uneasy I’m sure . I’m not against it personally I feel most ten year olds would be fine and places like mc Donald’s have no issue with it which is no different in theory .

Timeforachange26 · 04/09/2026 14:28

Tralalalala88 · 04/09/2026 14:22

No I can’t but I can’t name any that state you can either .

Why would they? Nor have any stated that women can do in. Or black people.

Therefore if it doesn't state they can't you'd assume they can

Was going to use dogs as an example but rarely see no dogs allowed signs anymore

Tralalalala88 · 04/09/2026 14:22

Timeforachange26 · 04/09/2026 14:13

I've never seen any cafes stating rules on this tbh. Can you give me examples of those cafes who WONT allow kids in

No I can’t but I can’t name any that state you can either .

Timeforachange26 · 04/09/2026 14:13

Tralalalala88 · 04/09/2026 13:50

Most cafes would not allow children that age to be unattended I think . I dunno comments on this are wild . When I was ten I would walk a mile home from school through town , fix myself a snack and hang out for an hour at home some days . I understand this isn’t really a thing nowadays but fgs .

I've never seen any cafes stating rules on this tbh. Can you give me examples of those cafes who WONT allow kids in

Tralalalala88 · 04/09/2026 14:10

BlueFahrenheit · 03/09/2026 21:29

Have you heard of sex offenders before?

No one would ever go anywhere with this attitude.

Flamingojune · 04/09/2026 14:08

Mumsnet is the last place i'd ask for advice about leaving children unattended. Half an hour will be fine

Rainallnight · 04/09/2026 13:57

I think it sounds great, OP. And this thread has given me lots of food for thought about my own ten year old so thanks for the nudge!

justkeepswimminginalake · 04/09/2026 13:52

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/09/2026 13:35

Or they sit there feeling grown up and eat some cake, read a book, play on a switch and act sensibly like a lot of 10 year olds are.

I asked them earlier what they thought and they were excited at the thought of being so grown up to be allowed in a cafe on their own and that what I expected. If I had any doubts that they’d be silly or fight then I wouldn’t have thought about it. I’m as sure as I can be that they won’t make a scene.

OP posts:
Tralalalala88 · 04/09/2026 13:50

Most cafes would not allow children that age to be unattended I think . I dunno comments on this are wild . When I was ten I would walk a mile home from school through town , fix myself a snack and hang out for an hour at home some days . I understand this isn’t really a thing nowadays but fgs .

justkeepswimminginalake · 04/09/2026 13:49

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/09/2026 13:32

A cafe where staff are potentially first aid trained is probably a much better place for it to happen than doing home work in their bedroom whilst mums downstairs cooking but bet they would never say that situation was inappropriate

I’m surprised at the choking concerns. They’ve been allowed to help themselves to snack or breakfast at weekends at home for years. I can’t remember how long but I’m pretty certain it was around six. I’d be surprised if most ten year olds haven’t been allowed to do the same sometimes and all eating is as supervised as it was when they were toddlers.

OP posts:
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/09/2026 13:35

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · 04/09/2026 10:44

The responses are mostly about the safety of the kids
I’d be more concerned about them bickering, making noise, deciding to play a physical game within the cafe and disturbing other cafe users.

Or they sit there feeling grown up and eat some cake, read a book, play on a switch and act sensibly like a lot of 10 year olds are.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/09/2026 13:32

Cherrytree86 · 04/09/2026 12:46

@Whettlettuce

They are ten years old. Not two years old.

A cafe where staff are potentially first aid trained is probably a much better place for it to happen than doing home work in their bedroom whilst mums downstairs cooking but bet they would never say that situation was inappropriate

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/09/2026 13:30

VoguePlanet25 · 04/09/2026 08:56

No. They are children. You don't leave kids unsupervised in public places. Watch the news and be responsible.

At 11 (so one year older) we were taken on school trips to theme parks etc and left to wander round on our own for the whole day. We even sat down at the cafe at lunch time unsupervised.

FreddoBRIDGE · 04/09/2026 13:29

Cherrytree86 · 04/09/2026 12:53

@wandererofthekingdom

swimming is selfish and irresponsible once you become a mother.

Jumped the shark there

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · 04/09/2026 13:28

TheEdgyMoose · 04/09/2026 10:55

I'd assume OP has taught her children how to behave appropriately in cafes. At 10 years old this shouldn't be a problem.

It often is though! Often. When the 10 yo are not supervised or the parents are out of sight. They're kids, they get carried away.

But if the OP's kids can be relied on to behave as taught , no problem.

Cherrytree86 · 04/09/2026 12:53

wandererofthekingdom · 04/09/2026 10:07

Also, this what if she drowns business, what if she drowns when someone is looking after them. Is she never supposed to swim?!

@wandererofthekingdom

swimming is selfish and irresponsible once you become a mother.

Cherrytree86 · 04/09/2026 12:46

Whettlettuce · 03/09/2026 21:19

But what if one was to choke? It's not uncommon is it . You cannot leave them unattended at thats age. It's a safeguarding issue

@Whettlettuce

They are ten years old. Not two years old.

zigazigaaaing · 04/09/2026 12:10

I’m shocked by your responses so far OP. They are 10 and together yes you absolutely can leave them to chill in the cafe as a paying customer if they are responsible girls. They could take a book. it’s a leisure centre! . In a years time they’ll be travelling to school and wanting to meet up with friends, nice chance too for them to practice a bit of freedom in a safe environment.

Bjorkdidit · 04/09/2026 11:45

HeyThereDelila · 04/09/2026 11:36

YABU. Parenting your DS’s isn’t other cafe customers or staff’s responsibility. Hire a babysitter.

It’s irresponsible too - what if they start fighting, or are harassed or worse by a stranger in the loos?

YABU

What 'parenting' is needed for two 10 YOs sitting eating breakfast in a cafe? The OP is confident they'll behave while they're eating.

As for them coming to any harm, it sounds like a relatively safe environment. People who swim at organised lakes are generally very honest and upstanding citizens. It's the sort of place where you can leave your belongings at the side of the lake and no-one will touch them. So that almost certainly extends to the OP leaving DC in the cafe for half an hour while she swims.

Moonnstarz · 04/09/2026 11:42

HeyThereDelila · 04/09/2026 11:36

YABU. Parenting your DS’s isn’t other cafe customers or staff’s responsibility. Hire a babysitter.

It’s irresponsible too - what if they start fighting, or are harassed or worse by a stranger in the loos?

YABU

She has explained that they are sensible and aren't likely to squabble.

Also being harassed in the loos could happen anyway. They are 10 so I would be sending them to the male toilets!

Some of these what ifs are things that could happen even if mum was present or arranged a babysitter (if you want to go down that route, are all childminders trustworthy? Abuse often happens by people you know).

HeyThereDelila · 04/09/2026 11:36

YABU. Parenting your DS’s isn’t other cafe customers or staff’s responsibility. Hire a babysitter.

It’s irresponsible too - what if they start fighting, or are harassed or worse by a stranger in the loos?

YABU