AIBU to feel put out by my daughter's changed school run request?

I don’t think she’s unreasonable to ask. She probably feels frazzled in the mornings and someone extra in the house just feels too much. She sounds like a great mum and you sound like a great nan.

YABU

I would find it really difficult to have another person in my home in the morning, even if they were no trouble.

You sound lovely but a bit naive? (Not sure that’s the right word) about how busy life is working and having kids.

It sounds like your DD and her DH are busy and aren’t stopping you from seeing them more as such but just don’t have a lot of free time.

I wouldn’t take it personally.

@Helcarlol If your daughter wants someone else to take her child to school or nursery then she needs to pay a childminder to do it. Then she can dictate her terms on a paying basis. I’m sorry but on what planet do people think it’s ok to ask family for favours and then treat them like the hired help.

Well then she can take her daughters to breakfast club. The women on here who have no idea what it’s like to get not one second of help from grandparents dictating how that help should be delivered. It’s so entitled

Aw OP I feel for you, it seems mad to me that your DD would be lucky enough to have you so close by and not think of it as a huge advantage in terms of her children being able to have a wonderful close relationship with you.

It's such a shame she won't let you even have them one afternoon after school - would she let you attend to watch them do their hobbies on the weekend (assuming they have some as you mentioned) and you could all maybe get lunch after or something?

Or what happens if you invite them for lunch at yours on a weekend, or for a day out?

I would take this with the best grace I possibly good and let her know you want to help her.

she would not have asked for this change without a reason. She is likely struggling to get herself and the children out the door. If you want to keep arriving earlier, ask how you could do so while helping to facilitate the morning routine.

I would find that rude and unkind OP.

She is treating you like paid help she has no relationship with.

Can you have an honest chat with her rather than let this fester? Say you are hurt and enjoy getting some relationship time out of the arrangement as well.

people saying mornings are hectic - so? they don't have to be if granny is happy to be there making sure kids have shoes on etc.

It is annoying. Maybe her stress is high and she finds it too much to have company? Could she leave earlier

have only read this far: the DD wants OPs help and is being a rude ungrateful brat. It is easy to have less stressful mornings if you get up half an hour earlier.

Or you might realise what a help your mother is and apologise for being so thoughtless.

There’s a reason she’s said it and it’s because it’s not helpful for some reason. Just ask her. ‘Am I getting in the way?’ Find out what it is you are doing that annoys her. Being in the kitchen? Distracting the kids? Nattering on?

Well yes… I would? But I suspect that would upset OP more as she’d see them even less? But I agree with you, if something isn’t working I’d rather pay for
something that does work

Well I guess you could walk your own children to school then. No faffing then.

Id be inclined to say if I'm a nuisance I wont come round in the morning. You are doing her a favour maybe she doesn't realise that.

Doesn’t sound like you really want to help, it’s more about what you want.

Wednesdays then. You collect the children after school, take them to yours and have some time with them whilst DD gets on making dinner for you all, without the little ones getting under her feet. Then you walk them back home

It is rude and clearly she's only thinking of her convenience and not that you actually want to spend time with the bairns. That's pretty normal though when you're wanting to get to work.

Nothing much you can do though part from telling her you feel taken for granted and suggest a childminder.

I wouldn't want someone in morning as it is always manic and I would feel the need to be organised and chatting.

But I think you wantpre.rjam she is wanting to give so I can see your upset

Not really sure but I have always worked on the basis that if I wasn't wanted for whatever reason. I wouldnt be there. But also the kids are young. They have routine, homeworks, clubs so logistics are busy ....

I’d be irritated too: she’s treating you like a dog walker, basically. You’re a member of the family, “disruption” is the price she pays for having a loved and trusted and reliable and flexible grandparent doing her / her DH’s job for her so they don’t have to find a paid stranger to do it.

She’d have done better to say “mum I have to leave at 8.30am on the dot, would you mind just helping them into their coats and grab their bags if they’re not ready by then. And don’t dally either, you know you never allowed us to be late for school!”

Occasionally my Mum comes before school/work if I am a bit stuck and whilst I love her very much, she does drive me a bit bonkers by chatting away to me and getting in the way pottering about the kitchen whilst I am trying to finish getting the kids ready and get out the door.

BUT I wouldn’t ask her to come later because she is doing me a favour by taking the kids and I know one day I will miss this sort of thing (my Dad died suddenly a few years ago so I am probably over sensitive to that idea, I think).

8am is clearly not a convenient time to catch up/visit, but could you ask for an alternative? I totally get that you want some quality time, not just an errand.
You’re happy to ‘just’ do the school run but would appreciate some time with the kids/her at another time? An afternoon maybe? Could you ask her? Or take the kids back to yours when you collect them so she can have some time to herself? Would that work??