AIBU to feel put out by my daughter's changed school run request?

You see them once a week for dinner. How much more do you expect? That seems pretty generous. Your daughter is not controlling. She is their mother so of course she wants to spend as much time with her children as possibly. Maybe you need a few hobbies.

Can see votes quite equal, I went yanbu. My mother was awful. Your dd doesn't realise the privilege of having a decent mom, welcome to stand making brews in my kitchen anytime you want.

Id of loved some parents that tried!

Is there a backstory about your relationship with her? If not, I think she's being unreasonable.

My mum has had DS for me 4 days over the holidays and comes to me to do it, which is so kind of her. Every time I am late for work because she wants to chat etc and it's not like I don't see her later, I cook her dinner when I get home and she starts for the evening and I see her plenty of other times when she's not helping with childcare. I don't say anything though because she's helping out a lot and ds loves the days with her. I don't think I could do it all year though

Sounds like she’s punishing you. I say that because from what you’ve said she sees her in laws much more and gives them a bit more access.

I’d be thinking about the history between you and working out if she has a reason to behave this way.

If she doesn’t, it seems cold and like she is using and mistreating you which is not nice.

Doesn’t it kind of depend on what you’re doing between 8am and leaving for school. Are you actually helping? Making a cup of tea doesn’t sound like it. Who is actually getting them ready - what are you doing vs their mother.

It sounds like OP wants to do it though, so you’d be cutting your nose off to spite your face.

This!!!

Either she wants the help or doesnt. I cant see what difference 25 minutes makes. I think she sounds a tad ungrateful.

😕. I’m sorry you feel this way.

I get why she doesn’t necessarily want you hanging around when she’s getting the kids ready, but equally I have always thought if you’re getting free childcare you can’t complain. There are several things I don’t love about my parents or the in laws looking after our kids but it’s free and also they’re making their own bond with them so I bite my lip.

I think you’re being quite harsh towards your DD in the other posts though. Hosting you for dinner once a week and occasionally popping in at the weekends for a cuppa sounds like a healthy amount of time to see parents, life and weekends in particular are hectic with little kids. Also you say she’s controlling about giving access to the kids but that they see in the laws plenty, is there some backstory as to why they’re the favoured grandparents over you.

Yup, with a grandmother like this I would be cutting her out altogether 🤷‍♀️

The daughter does not owe OP time nor access.

Well if they’re HER children, she can take them to school!

Tell her you will wait outside bring a travel mug with tea let her carry on with her rudeness

I'm not a morning person so I can see why someone might not want an extra person in the house at that time, but at the end of the day, I do think she's being unreasonable.
You're helping her for goodness sake.

I'd be tempted to say "how about I get out of your hair even more by not coming around at all"

It’s interesting to see how opinions are split. It’s similar to threads where half the posters think it’s normal to not allow grandparents to cuddle a newborn for the first three weeks and then only if invited/have washed hands/ do housework, and the other half are thinking the first lot are bonkers and entitled and rude and arrogant and oblivious to the fact all these grandparents have actually had children themselves…

Morning routine used to be the most stressful time of the day for me. Yabu

Your DD is being a real cow.

I think she’s being rude. I always look forward to my mum coming in the morning when she helps me with the kids, and when someone provides free childcare I never complain. She also sounds way too structured with her free time, I find it weird that she can’t meet you on other evenings because she has “family time” surely you are part of the family? But then perhaps I’m coming from a different perspective as I’m a single mum and long for company!
On the other hand, could it be that you are slowing things down in the morning? If you are there to help I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you coming round earlier.

You'd be irritated no end by your own mum making herself a cuppa in your kitchen? While also helping get the children ready? You have a low threshold, I take it you are not a morning person!

YABU. There is nothing worse than someone just hanging around on a school morning like a bad smell.

You’re in the way.

And they’re her children. Of course she wants to be the one to take them to classes, have family time with them etc.

I've found that over the years the time I've spent with my dgc has changed according to their changing needs and schedules. Looking back each one of those periods holds special memories for me. I loved the 10 minutes walking to school years - so much lively chatter in such a short space of time. Enjoy it.

I think she’s been rude and ungrateful BUT I don’t expect she means to be. She’s likely stressed out. It does seem to be all take from her and not a lot of give really. I’d be hurt too.

I don't think making yourself a cuppa or getting the kids ready is that big of a deal? I presume not standing in everyone's way. It's half an hour fgs.

Yeah, I'd feel a little put out that you're not allowed to see them before taking them to school, a little bit used.

Not entirely sure what is so manic about getting ready for 2 days of work and getting a couple of kids ready for school, it’s hardly sorting logistics for battle. But, yes you could make it a bit more manic (🙄) and tell her to take her own kids to school.