AIBU to feel put out by my daughter's changed school run request?

I think she is unreasonable. Sounds a bit possessive of them.

Reclaim your morning, OP. Have a nice coffee in bed and start your day quietly instead of rushing over to do something so small it shouldn't be hard for your DD to do it herself.

Have you told your DD that you enjoy the time with the kids? She may find it irritating having someone around when she's trying to get ready, but she also has to be willing to do some give and take, especially since you're doing her the favour.

It’s very clear from the responses here that whether you are or are not being unreasonable divides option fairly evenly. As we only know your side, there’s no way of knowing: it could be that your daughter finds you’re holding her up or that she’s feeling judged by you and therefore stressed about things being a certain way or it could be that she really is just being ungrateful, who knows? What really matters is how you choose to respond to this and what you therefore get out of it. Some posters are suggesting you confront her and tell her to do it herself etc, but it sounds like you then get even less time with the children, which isn’t what you want. Perhaps accepting that this is what she needs at this stage will help keep the lines of communication open and allow a discussion either now or at a later date about perhaps having a bit more quality time together? The short morning runs and a midweek meal might be as much as she can offer now - whether that feels acceptable to anyone else or not - but that still means you’re getting to see the family a fair bit and she might feel more open to things if she feels that you’re working with her; when things feel less hectic; or if she feels more open to relaxing the reins a bit as they get older.

Grandmother doesn't owe daughter skivvy duty. How dare she talk when she's only there to perform duties for her daughter.

Start saying no @Helcarlol, she's very rude to expect you to act like a walking taxi.

I love the way the word 'boundaries' is used as an excuse to be rude, ungracious, and ungrateful.

Hi OP,
Can I ask a question? Why haven't you said anything to defend your daughter when complete strangers have insulted her parenting, insulted her, and called her a brat and a cow?
This thread is dead giveaway that you don't like her, so if I can tell that from just a few posts of yours, then she probably knows it too.

Yeah it seems that half think the gran (OP) is being rude and annoying, and the other half think the mum is really rude and ungrateful!

I feel it's somewhere in between, but I tend to see the daughter's side more. OP needs to be a bit more sensitive to how her daughter probably feels stressed in the mornings.... also OP needs to understand more how her daughter clearly wants to guard her 'family time' (as in family unit of parents and kids). Sad as it might be when our kids grow up, their new household does become their main family. Hosting your mum for dinner once a week is pretty good though, so OP should appreciate that!

You don’t come across as if you like your DD very much. You don’t like her criticism, but are you quite critical of her in your interactions with her? Can you be more specific about ‘the way she goes on’, has she expressed some beef about your relationship?

Just tell her you like spending that bit of extra time with them? Maybe she thinks she’s being cheeky? My MIL used to drive to us (30 mins) once a week for 7am so I could leave for work usually around 8 and she would take them to school and she only came earlier to spend some time with them and I didn’t mind!

We used to drop children up to in-laws when they ever did a school morning run. I would have struggled to get myself ready with them there. Could she do that instead?

Have people on this thread missed the fact that the DD has requested that the OP take the children to school 2 days a week?

I think the above is the best way to respond.

My parents helped me out with childcare for a time until my youngest could start nursery. This involved them watching my baby in my house for 2 days a week. They were delighted to do it. And I was incredibly grateful, but it wasn't without it's compromises.

The issue is they started coming SO early in the morning, when I was getting my eldest out to nursery. Like, I had said for them to come at 9.30, but they'd arrive at 8am. It honestly used to drive me a bit mad, although I never said a thing (because I knew it was only for a few months). Their reason for coming early was to avoid traffic, but I know they also wanted to see my eldest. I understood this...but their presence really impacted the whole routine in the morning, even if they were just sitting on the sofa.

Also, in my case, my parents are quite judgemental. Not in a major way, but in little comments e.g. they'd notice and comment that there was dishes in the sink or something. So it meant that I spent the evening before they came being extra vigilant about the state of the house as I knew they'd often arrive before I even made it downstairs with the kids in the morning, so it needed to be "right" before I went to bed.

Now, as I said I never said anything because I was incredibly grateful for their help, but I'm just saying it to maybe consider if there's something similar going on here? Some random reason she doesn't want you there? There may not be of course! Just something to think about, as people rarely do/say things for no reason.

This is what I immediately thought. Are you actually helping or are you making a cup of tea and expecting chats while DD is rushing around getting everything sorted? Hence making another task for her to do in the morning?
..Open door for DM, little chat. Rush around getting DD's ready while they are getting distracted by their gran. Try to get everyone out the door while DM witters on..
I know you are doing her a favour but this is what I imagine with my DM or MIL coming over in the final 30mins before we rush out the door on a hectic school morning and it does sound stressful.

I lost my mum earlier this year, i'd give anything to have her float around my kitchen and get in my way. Life has become so busy these days that people lose sight of the important stuff.

I'm very much a morning person but I certainly wouldnt want an extra body in the house when trying to get children off to school however close family that person was or however much they think they are helping

People are different and it's OK for the DD to want to have the least stressful morning for her. Maybe shes been a bit rude in the way she's done it but I don't think she's being unreasonable

I agree. Well done on supporting your daughter and I’m sure you will do as she asks, just to keep the peace etc, but it does sound quite tough work. Do you ever babysit in the evenings? That might be nice and also give your daughter a proper break. Lots of love xx

@Helcarlol I think your DD sounds a bit snooty tbh especially with not allowing you to do the girls hair! Has she gone up a class by marrying her DH? Maybe it’s not her decision, do you think it could be her DH asking for you to arrive later in the mornings as he would be leaving for work around the same time you’d be arriving? Maybe he finds this a bit chaotic? Do you get on well with him?

Of course I would, if his mum was doing him a favour by taking his kids to school 2 days a week.

Maybe she should just take her own children to school.

She sounds like a brat.

She doesn’t want her there in the mornings.

She doesn’t need a reason, she doesn’t need to act grateful, she doesn’t need to change her routine, she doesn’t need to placate OP.

It is her house and they are her kids.

This site is so misogynistic sometimes.
No one would expect the son to bend his boundaries.

Or tell the selfish little madam to take her own kids to school

the absolute nonsense on this thread

That's a shame! Gosh, I feel tired just thinking about all the rules you've described so I can imagine you must too.

As she doesn't need to leave until you do at 8.30 she can take her own kids to school and continue her helicopter parenting. She sounds an ungrateful brat as it's all on her terms.

Well, they are DD's children so I guess she gets to decide, but I can see why it is hurtful. She sounds as if she likes to be in charge of everything and is the kind of person who is very organised and runs to a tight timetable, so someone sitting around chatting with a cup of tea feels like a distraction. I think you will have to humour her at the moment and wait until she needs your help more and/or the children are able to choose to go and see their granny. At least you see them regularly and have a relationship, which is a lot even if unsatisfactory in some ways!

I don’t think they as a family see the in-laws more in a normal week, we probably all get two hours.

So it’s all about who gets the most time?