AIBU to feel put out by my daughter's changed school run request?

I would say no to the school runs from now on. Age seems to want to minimise contact anyway. What a control freak she is

Sounds like its about what her daughter wants as well. I am in two minds on this. It all sounds transactional on both sides. What I would say is it seems a bit gifthorse/mouth thing. If you want someobody to do something for you then you you can't lay down the exact way you want it done, but yeah, morning prep time is not usually "tea and a chat" time in any house!

As she treats you like the hired help, I would offer my services elsewhere! Yes, I know you wouldn’t have that time with your DGD’s but you may find there is more quality time with them, without the ‘job’.

There are always families looking for before and after school help, who would be delighted that you offered. You could build an appreciated relationship with these children.

I thought this too!

But then she does want her there 15 minutes later.

I think she sounds awful - asking for these favours and making it as unpleasant as possible. The problem is that if your priority is continuing to see your grandkids for the school run, you just have to do whatever she says. I’d show up a bit later and stop making yourself a cuppa at hers as that seems to be really annoying her and just enjoy the wee bits of time with the kids.

I can’t believe some of the replies. I really don’t see how the DD is being rude or ungrateful. She has asked for help for a specific thing, you either want to help or you don’t.
My DC are the same age and I know if my mother turned up at 8 while we were all getting ready and sorting out things for school and nursery it would all go to shit, the kids would be trying to play with DM, not listening to me about getting ready on time and it would be chaotic and unhelpful.

My first reading of your OP was to question why you arrived 30 min early for school run.... The last thing anyone need in the 30min before leaving the house in the morning, is a visitor!

What an unpleasant way to think.

Hello DD

I think you could explain to your daughter that you do it out of love and the benefits to you is that half an hour. If she reduces you to a delivery person that removes advantages for you. I can see why another person adds to her mental load but you are just that, a person. From the perspective of someone who didn't have any family help, that is extremely valuable and hard to replace with a paid for service. It does sound like it is time to be firm with your daughter or you will be slipping into doormat territory.

I’m another that thinks you being im the house is adding to your daughters load not reducing it but I can see why it upsets you. Don’t cut your nose off to
spite your face by saying no though. Turn up to walk them, enjoy your walk and morning chat, go home. The time you get with them will gradually increase as they get older and your DD unclenches a bit!

I think it’s a bit cheeky of her , you are not the hired help.

It comes across as rude but honestly, I can understand it. My DP knows to stay in the bedroom
until the school run is over as although he thinks he’s helping he distracts DD so we run out of time and thus both of us get wound up (with DP standing there wondering what the problem is). Although not perfect without him it’s a lot less stressful.

Perhaps she needs to drop them at breakfast club and pay for this then.
It does seem cheeky to basically expect you to literally turn up as they are coming out the door for the convenience of walking them to school.

As someone else said, why can't she go to work earlier? What does she do? You have said she can't start earlier but do they not have a staff room where she can wait if she can't officially start so that she is then out the way on those mornings if she believes it's too chaotic having you in as well?

If she is sticking to no and only wants you to do the walk, then I think I would be saying it doesn't work for you.

But cba to organise better and take them ro school herself

Don't have this as a text conversation, bring this up in person another time, say you didn't realise that it might be inconvenient you coming in for a cuppa, you love doing that, you are happy to help out and see if you can't find some way to resolve this by chatting- it might be she'd rather do the entire thing and shove them out of the door, or you distract them as you are too fun or whatever. I would think walking them to school is still nice, so if you can carry on, even if you don't pop in, I'd do that, but your dd is not very diplomatic for sure, I guess she's trying to solve her own stress but hasn't thought about how this comes over to you.

I think this all sounds quite normal OP. I not on either side, but I think having 1 night a month away from young children and seeing each set of grandparents once a week and holidaying with both sets is standard, perhaps even generous. Our weekends sound similar to your daughters, a couple of activities, family days out and play dates etc. I do think it’s important for family units to spend some down time together after being separated all week. We also don’t have spare room in the car with the two car seats in the back (maybe a bigger car would have more room).

i understand that you’d like to be more involved, but you’re definitely having much more contact time than most grandparents I know.

If you’d like to see your granddaughters more, can’t you invite them for a few hours on a Sunday/Saturday and give their parents a break?

I wouldn’t say being rude, I’d say she’s just trying her best. It’s all exhausting

Your daughter seems very boundaried in her childcare thinking

However she is the mother

Could you have the children to stay one night a week and you sleep on the same floor as them - camp bed or sofa bed?

She sounds horrible OP. It must be upsetting being treated like that by your own dd 😕 And speaking about her nieces/nephews like that is not on. Maybe you need to become less available. She'll soon get the hump and will realise how lucky she is to have you.

There are a lot of entitled fuckers on these type of threads. Treating their own mothers like a nuisance while using them as a servant.

I would be tempted to consistently be 5/10 minutes late… very pass agg!

I agree with others you sound like you dont really like your daughter very much saying she is snooty and you sound a bit judgemental about their week. Its great for the kids to have after school hobbies and a routine. Its very nice you get hosted for dinner once a week but to expect a cuppa and chat when they are getting ready for work and school is a bit annoying.

Wonder if your daughter posted this from her point of view what the replies would be, I think quite supportive of her.

I agree with this and other PP who say you don’t sound as if you like your DD very much.

You imply she’s at fault rather than your DS because she’s “snooty” and what she would describe as feral DC are perfectly fine in your opinion.

You don’t seem to like the fact that she takes her DC to activities and you imply that she’s being selfish by taking up the single allotted space for a parent to stay.

You’re also sniffy about the fact she’s not comfortable with her young DD sleeping on a different floor of the house to you.

She does family stuff on Mon/Fri, you work on Tues/Thurs and you have a family dinner with her every Weds. Shes taking her DC to activities on Saturdays but sometimes they pop in to you on a Sunday, but only if you’re not already spending time with your DS. You go away for short holidays with them but can’t do longer because you do that with your DS.

I can’t imagine how irritating it is to have grandma arriving half hour early looking forward to quality time and a cup of tea (your words) when everyone is trying to get ready for work and school.

Yes you’re doing her a favour by agreeing to walk your DGC to school but maybe it’s best all round that she finds another option. The poor woman is juggling loads but can’t seem to do right in your eyes, unlike your son.