DH wants my birthday presents back

Tell your dad. Ducks in a row. Leave him. You and the kids deserve so much better

Because she doesnt have free will!!

If she did she wouldnt have been so scared that she meekly did as she was told!

I understand this is what you’re telling yourself because you don’t feel their or your loves are being threatened.

It is an incredibly unhealthy, harmful environment for children to grow up with a volatile, controlling, abusive home life.

You're staying because you’re extremely tired, scared to leave, have no money or no family or no way to make it work. Your husband has shown he has no intention of letting your children know they have a valuable, loved, respected and capable mother so staying is not benefiting your children.

So sorry you’re having to deal with this. As others said - this is absolutely coercive control. I really hope you find a safe way out x

How is it victim blaming to remind her that she does in fact have free will?

Because keeping women pregnant and vulnerable is also a method of abuse.
I bet he has interfered with her contraption.

Abuse is the first thing that springs to mind when a woman comes on here with a big family, especially like Op big family in very quick succession. 4 kids in about 6 years. Give her a break.

@BeRedUser please tell your parents. Can they get on a plane?

This won’t resolve over night but you need to be able to at least speak to someone. That is where change begins. You have reached out to MN, now tell your parents.

Get rid of this utter scumbag. He is an abuser. Please divorce him.

Let the neighbours hear him being an abusive twat. Let your dad know he's an abusive twat. Let as many people as possible know he's an abusive twat and get away from him as quickly and safely as possible.

You said you didn’t argue because he is a foot taller than you? If you are scared of him maybe call the police and they can escort you and the children to a safe place (no idea if they would do this, other mumsnetters may know)?

Honestly this is the worst thing I think I have read on MN. Please start planning on how you will get away. Yes you have three very young children, but for all of your sakes you cannot let them think that the way he is treating you is acceptable! Start off by seeing if you can get half an hour/hour with a solicitor and go from there. Do you have a joint account? And if so can you access and see how much money is there. Pre-planning is what you will need to do as it sounds like as soon as you say you’re leaving he will start moving/hiding money. So try and get as much information as possible. Sending you lots of love and solidarity also wishing I could send you some new face creams to replace the ones he’s taken!!

So he’s a the 60% “breadwinner” and does he do 40% of the childcare - and I mean “care” not the controlling abuse he uses with you — and consider you both in a team that needs both money and care?

The money your father gave for your birthday is NOT for bills unless there is no other money.

If the neighbours hear him shouting they may form the correct option of him — let them — and of course tell your family.

The shame is not yours. It is entirely on him.

Your children will follow patters made familiar in childhood. Be under no illusion, this kind of demeaning, dismissive, dehumanising of a mother by a father will leave a lasting impression.

Leave before he causes you and them even more harm.

Tell your dad that your husband has stolen the gift you bought with his birthday money from him.
then contact women’s aid for advice on leaving him.

Economic control is controlling/coercive behaviour/Domestic Abuse. How fucking dare he. Tell your dad about your present and divorce this utter wankertron. Hugs.

It’s actually reduced me to tears. This is one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here. @OP if you’re in London and need a lift, PM me. Anywhere you want to go, no questions asked. I have baby seats.

It is that simple. He is an abusing abuser that likes to abuse. You need to become a leaving leaver that likes to leave. I have been there and life is a million times better now.

.

I wish I could show you what 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years from now will look and feel like if you just leave. I so so wish I could.

I can tell you however, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years from now will be the same as right now if you don't.

I swear on everything I've ever known, your shoulders will feel so fucking light the day you kick him out. It won't even take 24 hours, if you are serious about having enough you will feel so light the day you decide you are truly done.

It's much easier than you expect you know, you'll be a better person, a happier person, a better parent, your kids will feel happier. You'll have more money, more free time, even if it's every other weekend. You can buy your own face cream.

No not every day is bad I understand this, but what if every day was just good, always, instead?

Wait, what have I just read? He told your tiny children that their mummy was a lier and a thief??? Those poor children must be distraught watching this play out. Imagine being so small and helpless and watching someone bully the person you love the most. He’s not just abusing you, he’s abusing them.

He’s a cunt and I’m so very sorry that you have had children with him. Please consider how you might, safely, get away from him x

Please do this for your own sake and that of your children. You are not alone. Having read your further posts, he is not only financially abusing you, he is being emotionally abusive too. Staying in an abusive relationship will further harm you and your children . Get out now..

Please tell your parents what he is doing to you. They may be able to help you.

Are you normally so passive? It sounds like he knows you are a complete pushover therefore can treat you so unkindly and disrespectfully
He knew he would get away with treating you like this. It’s time you stood your ground.