Page 4 | AIBU to find my mum watching every nappy change a bit odd?

Poppyseededroll · 2026-09-03T17:42:53+00:00

Can someone explain to me why my mum enjoys watching my baby’s nappy being changed? Every time I go to change baby’s nappy my mum gets up to come with me and watches. She doesn’t stand back but literally at my shoulder watching baby. I find it quite weird to be honest, surely changing nappies isn’t something fun it’s just one of those slightly manky tasks that needs to be done? I’ve tried saying to her you don’t need to get up and she say later I want to it’s cute. Really? Am I missing something? I really don’t know whether she doesn’t trust me and wants to check if the nappy is a month old with fronts living in it or if I am being unreasonable and watching nappy changes really is sweet. She keeps saying she wants to come over for bath time. If I thought it was for an extra pair of hands then fine; but I find the enjoyment and interest in these tasks odd.

NonComm · 03/09/2026 19:27

I have watched my son change his son’s nappy, but only if he did it in front of me or called me into the room. The fact is, I was in awe of my baby changing his baby and it made me feel quite emotional - same with giving him a bath. HTH.

Original poster

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 19:24

Rituelec · 03/09/2026 19:20

My mum used to always try and change my LOs nappies. Now I am going to be a grandparent myself and I can't wait to get involved. Those like chores and rituals of baby life are what we miss and want to remember with our grandchildren.

If she had wanted to do it or help I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but she doesn’t. She just watches at my shoulder.

Even in the early days when I was 2 days post c-section and my partner was at work and I struggled to bend over the changing table she watched me, no offer to help

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Original poster

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 19:22

MotherofPufflings · 03/09/2026 19:17

I'm getting the impression that your relationship is a bit tricky if you dont feel able to say "stop watching me, it's not a spectator sport"

I do have to handle her carefully, which is why the most I’ve pushed back is you don’t need to get up, and she’s said she wants to. If I said any more than that it would erupt into a massive row- don’t be ridiculous, I’m his grandma why on earth would it be inappropriate- that kind of thing

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Shoobadadoo · 03/09/2026 19:20

My mum has always loved joining bath times with my babies

Rituelec · 03/09/2026 19:20

My mum used to always try and change my LOs nappies. Now I am going to be a grandparent myself and I can't wait to get involved. Those like chores and rituals of baby life are what we miss and want to remember with our grandchildren.

MotherofPufflings · 03/09/2026 19:17

I'm getting the impression that your relationship is a bit tricky if you dont feel able to say "stop watching me, it's not a spectator sport"

Original poster

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 19:16

CalliopeFosterBeauchamp · 03/09/2026 19:14

Surely it’s this? She only has 60 mins or so with you both - she doesn’t want to miss 1/6 of that (or whatever) to you taking the baby away for a nappy change?

Could you try meeting her out of the house for a bit to break the habit? She’s not
going to follow you to the loo in Costa.

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She only comes for an hour at her choice. She doesn’t like me very much but is besotted with her grandchildren. She knows she’s welcome to see them as much as she likes but doesn’t really want to spend time with me.

A nappy change takes less than a minute, she’s hardly missing time.

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CalliopeFosterBeauchamp · 03/09/2026 19:14

Stinkybooks · 03/09/2026 19:10

But she’s only visiting a couple of times a week for an hour or two. I think she is savouring every moment of his babyhood and rightly so (“they grow up so fast!”) it’s lovely that she’s fascinated by him.
Shes not monitoring you for hours every day (which would be concerning and annoying)
I would say “you change him, I’ll put the kettle on and have five minutes to myself”

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Surely it’s this? She only has 60 mins or so with you both - she doesn’t want to miss 1/6 of that (or whatever) to you taking the baby away for a nappy change?

Could you try meeting her out of the house for a bit to break the habit? She’s not
going to follow you to the loo in Costa.

HappyBlueDonkey · 03/09/2026 19:14

I agree, OP. Nappy changes are private I never change my baby in front of anyone and bath time is also private just for me and his dad

Original poster

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 19:13

Newsenmum · 03/09/2026 19:08

Do you think there is something sinister here?
If it was your dad, the comments here would be different.

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No, absolutely not.

My gut feeling is she’s checking up on me. She obviously won’t say that, so she says it’s cute- which just feels like a lie -there’s nothing cute about these elephant nappies 🤢.

I wondered if anyone could give me the insight into is it genuinely cute and am I missing something or is she keeping an eye on my parenting?

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Stinkybooks · 03/09/2026 19:10

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 19:03

This is more it. I feel like she’s checking up on me and I don’t like it. It feels like she doesn’t trust me with my own baby. I wondered if anyone could give an explanation that wasn’t she doesn’t trust me.

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But she’s only visiting a couple of times a week for an hour or two. I think she is savouring every moment of his babyhood and rightly so (“they grow up so fast!”) it’s lovely that she’s fascinated by him.
Shes not monitoring you for hours every day (which would be concerning and annoying)
I would say “you change him, I’ll put the kettle on and have five minutes to myself”

Newsenmum · 03/09/2026 19:08

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 18:52

No we don’t live there.

Bathtime might be fun, but I’m so uncomfortable with her finding nappy changes cute that I don’t really want to open up something else

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Do you think there is something sinister here?
If it was your dad, the comments here would be different.

Bogstandardname · 03/09/2026 19:07

8TinyToeBeans · 03/09/2026 18:58

I don’t think I’d trust anyone who actively wanted to see a child undressed at every opportunity, regardless of whether they’re male or female!

Stop it. Just stop it.

ThisMachineWillNotCommunicate · 03/09/2026 19:07

Is she interested in everything else you do with the baby? If you take the baby to do something else would she also follow and watch? I would find it odd if somebody was mostly disinterested in a baby but then wanted to be involved during nappy changes/ bathtime etc but wouldn’t think much of it if the person was the same over all aspects of nappy changing. My mum jumps at the chance to change one of my DN’s nappies, but she is the same about doing anything else with them too - it’s not behaviour specific to the nappies. It might be your mum just doesn’t want to take eyes off the baby the whole time she is there rather than her specifically wanting to watch nappy changes.

Isittimeformynapyet · 03/09/2026 19:04

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 18:59

No. I genuinely don’t understand the interest. I wondered if I was missing something and someone could explain.

Because I don’t understand why she thinks it’s cute I am finding it quite unnerving. The only thing I can think of is she is checking up on my parenting; but I wondered if anyone else thinks it’s sweet or had any insights.

Because I am finding it unnerving it’s making my say no to other things.

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I'm back to my theory that your mum likes the more intimate bits of looking after your baby because it makes her feel closer and more included in the inner circle.

I would help change and bath my cousins' babies when I visited and it did make me feel very accepted as an important part of the family.

MotherofPufflings · 03/09/2026 19:03

As another poster said, she's probably just got fond memories of caring for her own babies in this way.

Original poster

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 19:03

Poppycorn123 · 03/09/2026 19:01

Is the baby a boy or girl? If a girl maybe she's checking up on you as girls are harder to clean? With my first (dd) my Mum would always offer to change her. Like a pp I don't think that she trusted me to do it properly 😅 (at 30 yo)

This is more it. I feel like she’s checking up on me and I don’t like it. It feels like she doesn’t trust me with my own baby. I wondered if anyone could give an explanation that wasn’t she doesn’t trust me.

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AgnesMcDoo · 03/09/2026 19:02

She adores her grandchild. It’s quite normal.

Sunshine1500 · 03/09/2026 19:02

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 19:00

It’s not that I wouldn’t trust her changing them. It’s I don’t understand why you would get up and follow the parent to just go and watch. She isn’t providing any help, but she enjoys watching and I don’t understand

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She just wants involved in baby care. Not much else do with them except watch them, feed and change at that age .

Poppycorn123 · 03/09/2026 19:01

Is the baby a boy or girl? If a girl maybe she's checking up on you as girls are harder to clean? With my first (dd) my Mum would always offer to change her. Like a pp I don't think that she trusted me to do it properly 😅 (at 30 yo)

Original poster

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 19:00

Sunshine1500 · 03/09/2026 18:57

What ? You’re insinuating you can’t trust your mum changing or bathing your baby .
thats not normal to think like this!

Edited

It’s not that I wouldn’t trust her changing them. It’s I don’t understand why you would get up and follow the parent to just go and watch. She isn’t providing any help, but she enjoys watching and I don’t understand

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Sunshine1500 · 03/09/2026 19:00

She’ll just want involved in the baby care, she knows how quickly the baby stage passes and she wants to be part of it and enjoy being there.

Winter2020 · 03/09/2026 19:00

I think most people have high trust in their mum's because they know she brought them up as a safe adult. If your mum was a safe adult for you and your siblings then I'm surprised you feel like this. If she wasn't safe for you then don't visit her with your child.
(Edit to say as well as consider your next steps to safeguard others).

Original poster

Poppyseededroll · 03/09/2026 18:59

OverpricedCupcake · 03/09/2026 18:55

You're implying you think she's finding it, overly interesting?
Is this what you mean?

No. I genuinely don’t understand the interest. I wondered if I was missing something and someone could explain.

Because I don’t understand why she thinks it’s cute I am finding it quite unnerving. The only thing I can think of is she is checking up on my parenting; but I wondered if anyone else thinks it’s sweet or had any insights.

Because I am finding it unnerving it’s making my say no to other things.

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8TinyToeBeans · 03/09/2026 18:58

I don’t think I’d trust anyone who actively wanted to see a child undressed at every opportunity, regardless of whether they’re male or female!