AIBU to find my mum watching every nappy change a bit odd?

She just loves you both.x keep bathtime for you.x

My mum does watch me change my daughters nappy sometimes when she’s round and I’ve never going it was weird but she just watches everything I do with her tbh so it’s not that different. She just chats to her while I change the nappy. Nappy changes are a nice little bonding moment so she probably just wants to be involved. She did want to join for bath time too once but there’s no space.

Hmmm can't relate so outsider perspective. I think I watched one nappy change of a family member, for curiosity's sake.. but didn't need to watch another.. I agree with you OP, it is weird.

Ultimately, even if it were normal, it's still up to you what you're comfortable with.

Bath times... I can understand that a bit more as it's like being at the swimming pool but a smaller body of water.. but tbh, I wouldn't want anyone else participating because actually.. you're cleaning your child(!) - I dunno. I don't have to worry about this at all so my opinion is a bit irrelevant!

You've got to be more assertive OP now you are a parent.
Don't waste time trying to understand her behaviour.
That's her business.
Yours is to take care of your baby in the way that suits you.
It makes you feel uncomfortable to have an audience.
That's it. That's enough.
Tell her that.
Don't ask. Tell her to stay out of it.
No accusations needed.
Be polite but firm.
And don't get into a discussion about it.
Mother you are welcome to come come and see baby whenever you like.
Changing is not part of the entertainment.
I don't like having an audience while doing that.
You stay here or make tea as you wish.

Why doesn't your mum like you? If a close family member made it obvious that they didn't like me, I wouldn't feel comfortable having them around my children.

She is lucky that you still welcome her into your home. If her constant scrutiny of nappy changes bothers you, you need to tell her to stop.

Is she looking at baby making faces smiling etc whilst their having nappy changed to 'help'? She probably misses when her own children were small and wants to be involved. I wouldn't find it weird but I would find it a bit annoying being followed around.
Bath time is absolutely adorable though, used to be my favourite part of the day, and my mum used to do it with me whenever she happened to be round!

I think that she is acting strange. I don’t know why she would do this.
Your protectiveness is probably kicking it too. We don’t like anyone even our loved ones seeing our babies vulnerable, naked. Or maybe that’s just me.

You say she gets two hours a week with her grandchild. If you disappear for ten minutes each time that's less time for her to be with the baby. She's doing it because she wants to be part of the baby's life. It seems mean to resent her.

Totally agree with this. I've never understood why other adults would want to watch a baby having their nappy changed. And yes, they are cute at bath time, but also... how do you teach kids that their privacy is important, if they've grown up with it being normalised that bath time is a spectator event?

We stopped PILs from standing around gawping at bath time because honestly it just felt awkward (my parents never even tried - they were happy to have cuddles when baby was lovely and fresh, all snuggled up in dressing gown).

Obviously if grandparents or other caregivers are actually doing the changing or bathing it's different, but it's the pointless watching that I find unnecessary and a bit much.

I think it's really weird. A diaper change is a diaper change and you're the parent, not her.

Ask her why.

She only sees your baby for two hours a week and probably wants to spend the entire two hours looking at him/her.

From your updates about how she doesn’t like you and it would cause an argument, it sounds pretty controlling that she is insisting on it. The fact that you can’t say “mum stop hovering over my shoulder” speaks volumes.

Also agree with pp that if my mum didn’t like me very much (as you say) then I wouldn’t be prioritising her seeing my child.

If you think she's checking up & it unnerves you then it needs to stop.

If you had a good relationship then it probably wouldn't bother you.

If my mum didn't like me then her seeing my child wouldn't be a priority tbh.

Start doing nappy changes where you can lock the door?

Only you know whether your mum wants to support you and feel part of things, and not have you feeling like you’re doing all the work while she sits with a cup of tea, or whether she’s an old perv. I suspect the former!

I'd wait until she's popped to the loo or gonehome..
My mil gave me the fucking creeps when dc were babies...
She sit so close to me while bf her leg touched mine. So i started squashng me +dc on the single chair!
She also insisted ds always had a nappy on or he'd get sexual feelings. I'd take ds into another room to change him after that.
Take your dc to the bathroom amd lock the door op .
And for the record it isn't only men who abuse children. .not that I am suggesting anything like that.

If she doesn’t like you then I wouldn’t let her be around your children so much. Parents that don’t nurture healthy relationships with their own children can’t expect to be included in the lives of their grandchildren. Allowing your children to bond with a person that actively dislikes you is setting everyone up for a lot of drama and heartache in the future.

You shouldn't live in fear of her.

She doesn't like you very much but she's welcome to see them as much as she wants??

This doesn't sound emotionally healthy for you.

Take a week off, tell her you're ill or away. Tell her to stop following you whilst you do changes. Start setting boundaries.

Not sure how old your baby is but I’m assuming newborn or close to newborn. She might be enjoying reliving the early days or just being there as a second person watching you do it as “support” given it’s your first. Maybe jokingly say “ooh mum you’re making me nervous watching me” or give her a task to do - can you pass me the wet wipes etc?

She will stop once the baby is on solids. There is nothing cute about nappy changes then.