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Original poster

Poops at school

36 replies

poWoh · 03/09/2026 17:40

We have recently moved abroad and my son started in a local pre-school 2 weeks ago. It’s part of a large private school here and so his year is the youngest - he is 3y4m. He has been potty trained for a while but is quite shy and so has found adjusting to school in general a bit hard - we started on half days and now full days (10-3pm). They must be potty trained to start school.

He has unfortunately had 2 poo accidents in the 3 weeks since we moved here. The first time he was too nervous to tell but the second he told his teacher who swiftly changed him. We were called in to discuss how perhaps he should come less to school (he is the youngest in the class) and perhaps just do a few half days, given he has had these accidents. And perhaps if he isn’t toilet trained to have a half term off and then see. I don’t want to take him out!

This has rather taken me aback - I’d like to work on making sure he doesn’t have an accident rather than “punish” him by taking him home.

Any suggestions on what I do? The regression has also happened at home so we are really reinforcing, but I’m quite sad that he may have to leave.

OP posts:
NameChangeScot · 03/09/2026 20:14

It does sound like he's not ready tbh. Nobody wants to be known as the child who shit themselves. Either reduce to half days or remove him and try again next year or find a more suitable setting.

If all the other children are older and fully toilet trained they're not going to have the staffing or facilities to be dealing with regular accidents. It will be distressing for you son too.

NiftyKoala · 03/09/2026 19:39

Anothercake · 03/09/2026 17:56

He's a lot younger than the others, has had a big move, is struggling at school and at home - I'd pull him out. There's no rush. Get the potty training sorted, let him settle and mature a bit, try him again later on.

I would too. Being he is the youngest the other children may start teasing him for hos accidents. Which will be so upsetting for him and cause more accidents.

Original poster
poWoh · 03/09/2026 19:28

Pearlstillsinging · 03/09/2026 18:01

I doubt that DS will consider it a punishment to stay at home for another few months. The poor child has had a massive potentially anxiety inducing change in his home life. Why would you want to introduce another massive change and send him to a Nursery where the staff either speak a foreign language or in a completely unfamiliar accent,?

We are American and it’s American school btw.

OP posts:
Original poster
poWoh · 03/09/2026 19:08

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/09/2026 18:09

I think it sounds sensible at this stage, for his own benefit. Rather than it being “punishment”, having poo accidents at school is going to be distressing for him and affecting his confidence and wellbeing and his experience of starting school. Some extra time and space where there’s less pressure of a full day in school and you can work a bit more with him at home helping him to recognise his toilet cues, building his confidence, and supporting him to be able to speak up when he needs the toilet, will help him more than him going in every day anxious and upset about having an accident.

Tbh he isn’t very anxious - he just has an accident and gets on with his day!

OP posts:
Original poster
poWoh · 03/09/2026 19:07

Thank you all. The issue is that without the poo issues - he’s really really developed since joining. He went from screaming to enjoying every day and actually talking to others - which socially is huge. So I almost don’t w/‘t to take that away??

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 03/09/2026 18:09

I think it sounds sensible at this stage, for his own benefit. Rather than it being “punishment”, having poo accidents at school is going to be distressing for him and affecting his confidence and wellbeing and his experience of starting school. Some extra time and space where there’s less pressure of a full day in school and you can work a bit more with him at home helping him to recognise his toilet cues, building his confidence, and supporting him to be able to speak up when he needs the toilet, will help him more than him going in every day anxious and upset about having an accident.

user293948849167 · 03/09/2026 18:08

poWoh · 03/09/2026 17:43

They said twice in two weeks is too much. Also in our town, the class is aged 3-5 and so he is the youngest and most kids are 4/5!

Show quote history

If he’s that much younger I would just take him out and try again in a few months.
You don’t have to tell him it’s because of the accidents

Pearlstillsinging · 03/09/2026 18:01

I doubt that DS will consider it a punishment to stay at home for another few months. The poor child has had a massive potentially anxiety inducing change in his home life. Why would you want to introduce another massive change and send him to a Nursery where the staff either speak a foreign language or in a completely unfamiliar accent,?

Anothercake · 03/09/2026 17:56

He's a lot younger than the others, has had a big move, is struggling at school and at home - I'd pull him out. There's no rush. Get the potty training sorted, let him settle and mature a bit, try him again later on.

Original poster
poWoh · 03/09/2026 17:43

Tunaboona · 03/09/2026 17:42

I couldn't be doing with a nursery/pre school that takes 3 year olds but can't cope with the occasional accident. I would move him.

They said twice in two weeks is too much. Also in our town, the class is aged 3-5 and so he is the youngest and most kids are 4/5!

OP posts:
Tunaboona · 03/09/2026 17:42

I couldn't be doing with a nursery/pre school that takes 3 year olds but can't cope with the occasional accident. I would move him.