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AIBU?

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AIBU to feel middle-class luxuries have become increasingly out of reach?

718 replies

cocobow · 03/09/2026 16:07

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

OP posts:
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Mespher · 06/09/2026 11:47

hoarderofthedough · 06/09/2026 11:20

Off topic, but why on earth is anyone buying clothes from Seasalt? My 83 year old gran wouldn't wear that frumpy shit. Baggy floral dresses and stuff. Has everyone been brainwashed or something?

Have you got a grudge against them or something, you sound a bit deranged, it's just a clothes shop.

BIossomtoes · 06/09/2026 11:30

hoarderofthedough · 06/09/2026 11:20

Off topic, but why on earth is anyone buying clothes from Seasalt? My 83 year old gran wouldn't wear that frumpy shit. Baggy floral dresses and stuff. Has everyone been brainwashed or something?

We’re all allowed to like different things. 🤷‍♀️

bababamama · 06/09/2026 11:23

@hoarderofthedough

Seasalt have some lovely clothes, not frumpy at all. Not been in this year but I find great work clothes as does my 25 year old dd in the past. Not baggy unless you choose that design

hoarderofthedough · 06/09/2026 11:20

Off topic, but why on earth is anyone buying clothes from Seasalt? My 83 year old gran wouldn't wear that frumpy shit. Baggy floral dresses and stuff. Has everyone been brainwashed or something?

Baldrapunzel · 06/09/2026 10:21

HollyhocksandPeons I think those amazing restaurant lunches were due to high end restaurants struggling after the 87 crash and to lack of city boys chucking cash around.

Idontpostmuch · 06/09/2026 09:44

IAmInTheHouseSidney · 06/09/2026 08:12

I cannot take seriously anyone who uses terms like procuring or sourcing when talking about.... Going to shop and buyng stuff😂

They wouldn't talk like that. Some people flip that way in writing. My friend uses endeavour instead of try in emails, which looks odd since she would never use that word face to face. The posters I can't take seriously are those who type could of and would of. What were their primary school teachers thinking of by allowing that through?

IAmInTheHouseSidney · 06/09/2026 08:12

I cannot take seriously anyone who uses terms like procuring or sourcing when talking about.... Going to shop and buyng stuff😂

Differentforgirls · 06/09/2026 06:36

TheAngryPuxie · 06/09/2026 00:26

Nowhere near thst. He's on about £45k and FE pay is rubbish so I get about £30k. Plus soon he'll only be getting his pension which is nowhere near his salary.

Jesus, my son gets £55k as a year five teacher!

TheAngryPuxie · 06/09/2026 00:26

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 15:23

Well you must be on at least £100k between you?

Nowhere near thst. He's on about £45k and FE pay is rubbish so I get about £30k. Plus soon he'll only be getting his pension which is nowhere near his salary.

Papyrophile · 05/09/2026 21:29

Once upon a time, a blue job would have meant putting out the bins, but I have always done that. DP is brilliant at creating work and making money from the company he built from scratch. It's small, but it keeps five families decently paid.

DuskyRoses · 05/09/2026 21:16

Papyrophile · 05/09/2026 21:12

There are blue jobs, that require physical strength, and pink jobs that require recognition they need doing. My DH can't manage the strength at 70, for health reasons, but I can do most of the pink and grey jobs still, just slower than I would have done them at 50. I am also 70, for the record.

What are blue and pink jobs and what does it have to do with buying some luxuries?

Papyrophile · 05/09/2026 21:12

There are blue jobs, that require physical strength, and pink jobs that require recognition they need doing. My DH can't manage the strength at 70, for health reasons, but I can do most of the pink and grey jobs still, just slower than I would have done them at 50. I am also 70, for the record.

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 16:00

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/09/2026 15:58

This is way off topic but my point is tbere is hardly anything in tbe world that brings such great rewards that isn't sometimes hard and boring.

Ok, I agree with that.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/09/2026 15:58

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 15:40

Just going on your description of boring things.

This is way off topic but my point is tbere is hardly anything in tbe world that brings such great rewards that isn't sometimes hard and boring.

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 15:40

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/09/2026 15:39

I absolutely loved being a mother, I adore babies and young children.My children are a constant source of joy and pride to me. They both talk about how they think we made good decisions in raising them, althoigh of course they don't agree with everything we did. What an odd comment.

Just going on your description of boring things.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/09/2026 15:39

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 15:35

It's a shame that's what you got out of parenting. Poor weans.

I absolutely loved being a mother, I adore babies and young children.My children are a constant source of joy and pride to me. They both talk about how they think we made good decisions in raising them, althoigh of course they don't agree with everything we did. What an odd comment.

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 15:35

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/09/2026 15:10

My children are adults. In my experience the most rewarding and worthwhile endevours such as sceintific research, marathon training or becoming proficient at a musical instrument are often difficult, demanding can be boring and repetitive - doesn't mean we shouldn't do them though.

It's a shame that's what you got out of parenting. Poor weans.

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 15:25

MrsPapillon · 05/09/2026 13:41

You can’t have been on MN for long if you believe that there aren’t still people (usually men but sometimes women) who expect women to do all the child-rearing and domestic tasks while their ‘DH’ comes home from work, goes out to hobbies, and gets a full night’s sleep every night. It’s still happening and it’s not misogynistic to point that out.

I agree but that’s not what happened.

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 15:23

TheAngryPuxie · 05/09/2026 15:02

All our lives. He's now 60 and going to retire soon. I'm 56 and now work in FE as I got no wotk/life balance teaching in schools.

Well you must be on at least £100k between you?

HollyhocksandPeons · 05/09/2026 15:18

Just remembered something and wondered if anybody has the same memory? I was a student in the 1990s, new to London and I could not believe my eyes when the Times ran this special offer - on presentation of a voucher from the Times, a 2-course lunch for £10 pp in the Criterion, Bibendum, Cantina del Ponte, Mezzo, Oxo tower (brasserie, not restaurant) and Blue Bird. Without alcohol. I remember going to Quaglino's and seeing, for the first time ever, that in the ladies' powder room' there were amazing scents - like all the ones advertised on billboards, standing freely, not fixed to the counter. To me it was not a 'middle class luxury for £10', it was more like 'I am a princess'.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/09/2026 15:10

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 13:23

Probably better not to have them in the first place if you find it that difficult.

My children are adults. In my experience the most rewarding and worthwhile endevours such as sceintific research, marathon training or becoming proficient at a musical instrument are often difficult, demanding can be boring and repetitive - doesn't mean we shouldn't do them though.

TheAngryPuxie · 05/09/2026 15:02

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 12:24

How long have you both taught?

All our lives. He's now 60 and going to retire soon. I'm 56 and now work in FE as I got no wotk/life balance teaching in schools.

Reluctantlyonhols · 05/09/2026 13:43

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 03/09/2026 20:02

For me, candles are a good marker of how my attitude to luxuries has changed. Ten years ago, I’d have thought of a Jo Malone or Diptyque candle as a reasonable indulgence for a 40-50 year old professional. I bought one every couple of months. Now I view it as an extravagance (£56 & £63 respectively) that I just can’t justify.

Nobody needs scented candles. Waste of money and could burn your house down lol

MrsPapillon · 05/09/2026 13:41

Differentforgirls · 05/09/2026 12:27

I do thank you. Your posts are misogynistic 👍. You are perpetuating gender roles. Do you have sons?

You can’t have been on MN for long if you believe that there aren’t still people (usually men but sometimes women) who expect women to do all the child-rearing and domestic tasks while their ‘DH’ comes home from work, goes out to hobbies, and gets a full night’s sleep every night. It’s still happening and it’s not misogynistic to point that out.